Alvin's webhouse

2011-11-02T19:19:00.035+08:00

Photos of Trip to Taiwan (January 2011) =D

Capturing the CNY mood before take-off to Taipei...

Landed - at Taipei Train Station for the very first train journey to Hualien =)

First meal - a Taiwanese Bian Dang (modelled after the Bento) - made popular especially in the 1960s...

Some pictures of scenery of northern Taiwan as the train continues to run along - it will take 3 hours before we got there...

Finally! - At Hualien Train Station (In Chinese)

Hualien as a town itself is peaceful and quiet - especially so in the mornings - and we then move along for our tour or Taroko Gorge ( or Tai Lu Ge in Chinese)...

A look at the mountains around Hualien - a preview of what's to come at Taroko...

A first peek at Taroko as we reach after a 30min drive...

Stopped for a change of helmets - a dead must because of the real threat of rockslides - the guide mentioned that the most recent rockslide happened just 9 months ago - killing 12 tourists alive...

A view of the mountains upwards...

And a view of the river that runs below...

At Kaohsiung - at the hotel I was going to stay for the 2 nights...

Taking the Metro to Lui He Night Market - very similar to our own MRT....

The sign to Liu He...

And finally - yay! Personally for me this marks my return to here after 7 years - the last time I was here was during NS.... haha =)

And a picture of us both - haha I won't show the food eaten here - but do try the delicacies (chicken chop, stinky tofu, dumplings etc =) )

At entrance of Cheng Qing Hu...

Update (November 2011)

2011-11-02T18:40:00.003+08:00

It has been quite a long while since I posted here – the only explanation I can give is that I have been too busy to look at it...

But yet still I try to look for an opportunity to update – today happens to be one such day which I can talk about what happened since the last time I wrote... I shall try to stick to the usual proceedings =)

First things – work updates. I have changed my workplace – after spending two and a half years at a place in Upper Changi Road North near Selarang Camp... I always wondered how would I feel as I would send the final email that would tell all the peeps that I am gone and thanks for everything. My feelings on that day – and I would not forget that day – were mixed. This was largely because while I could finally say adios, I had to stay for a very long while to do so. When I did type that email – I sent it at nearly 10.30pm. That wraps up the way I entered and left Prisons – alone when I came in, alone when I went off.

And now I am at a new place at Novena which the work culture is decidedly better – I suppose it is a whole new change of environment – with different bosses, a different working culture and different set of colleagues. Having to work in an environment which bosses and colleagues are female in majority is a challenge – that is a marked departure from the previous environment which is all male. Still, that has to be accepted given the fact that there are generally more females in the workforce. I suppose the new found independence which I am given to complete my taskings is also something which I treasure now, but now expected to manage better. Its a steep curve to learn which I am supposed to help as soon as I can – and I admit that I am just trying to learn as much as I can while trying to be an effective contributor as well. Coupled with a change of bosses (yes, yet again similar to Prisons after a few months) and it all becomes a bit trickier. But there is only one direction – forward. And forward I will go to achieve better results.

Secondly – home issues. My nephew has mastered the ability to walk – and he cannot stop walking. He somehow derives the fun and joy when walking such that he will laugh and keep going around to the same places and then mutter something else. But I am quite sure he will be able to master the art of talking as well – and I can see that he will be quite a chatterbox – like me when I was a kid =D However all this is tempered by the fact that my grandfather is not feeling well – and that he is generally very weak. This may have come partly due to longstanding back and neck pains which have hurt his appetite as he consumes less and less despite the best efforts of my grandmother and my mum in making him eat. Seriously, I hope that he lives well to see my big day next year....I truly hope he does.

Lastly – this leads up to – yup, myself and my fiancée. We finally had our luck with our flat application as we managed to get our flat at what we think is an excellent location – the only downside is that it is near the ground floor... But nothing is perfect in this world – so we will take it anyway.

Before I proceed on, the reason to why I have mentioned fiancée is because – yup, I have proposed =). Should clarify that as I did not mention it in my previous post – actually I did it sometime back....

Yup then on we already went to settle other things...the hotel’s done and dusted – as in admin wise, while we are busy with the photoshoot. All things smooth, we should be able to resolve that by next month. Therefore the only thing that remains will be to settle things for the actual day and honeymoon...which I don’t think I can mention yet until the end of the year...

And yes, I missed the IPT training deadline for my IPPT – that means I have to train on my own and try to pass IPPT – and I have only 2 months to do it. Still, given the fact that I have been on an extensive training and gym program which I have lost considerable weight (no, not kidding – 10 kgs of it) – I hope to clear that asap. Otherwise, it will be quite a major issue.

Will be in Korea this coming Sunday for a week – I will update with photos and a post trip report =)

To sign off – here are some pictures of the trip in Taiwan that I did not post (yup I know it is super overdue...) - I will post up the link in the next few days...

Mid 2011 - elections and work and everything else...

2011-05-08T17:33:00.005+08:00

It has been a long while since I updated my blog here - but several things have happened since the last time I updated here - here goes then...

A first overseas break in more than a year brought me to Taiwan - long overdue I think - but it was a good trip all the same - went on a hectic round the island trip encompassing Taipei, Hualien, Green Island, Kaohsiung and Alishan. More pictures on this can be found on my facebook profile, and definitely with my beloved with me it was all the more sweeter. We sure experienced a lot of good food, good scenery and comfortable rooms as well - especially with the mountainous ranges in Taroko and Alishan, and with the city fun in Taipei and Kaohsiung. We even had fun exploring Qijin in Kaohsiung on a bike which broke down on our way back =) The only regret that we had was that we were unable to see the sunrise in Alishan which was spoiled by a heavy mist. But in conclusion, we decided that we would come back to Taiwan soon - but not sure when...

But the trip back home brought about a bout of gastric flu to me which did not make me enjoy CNY then - but anyway I suppose it is easy for one to pick up illnesses from another country and suffer so..yeah...

Next up is on work which I will probably move on to a new place soon - but the only problem to that is that I am rushing to tidy up a lot of things before handing over and moving to a new location soon. It is still ongoing, and my scheduled time has been delayed to two weeks from now. At this time, my move has been overshadowed by the posting of my colleague which undoubtedly she has done a lot better than me - so she will be missed. Not that I care much though - I intend to carry my lessons learnt to my new place which I aim to do better. Anyway, my new workplace happens to be at Novena - so thank goodness I need not travel so far...

Following up then is the elections just concluded yesterday. Campaigning and publicity for various candidates had been ongoing for a very long time - for myself I took the time to enjoy the mood by attending several rallies - including rallies in my constitutency which had not been contested in 20 years. I will not comment more on the candidates as there are a lot of posts that can found elsewhere, but the conclusion of this is that this is a watershed for Singapore politics and nation-building - with the rise of the post 70 and 80-ers the perception of good governance will differ, and this is here to stay.

On home issues, celebrating the birthday of my nephew was a big thing - he sure can talk and has grown teeth - but he has also grown very stubborn as well - and clamours after my parents who dote him a lot - obviously...haha... but I love him all the same =)

Finally, with my beloved - I suppose the only thing I can say is that we can say is that things have picked up a lot more quickly for us both... mainly because we are pragmatists haha... we have sped up applying for a lot of things and bought some stuff as well...and things have not ended for us yet. Obviously we have experienced our highs and lows especially with the HDB - but life moves on... Will update as soon as there are developments =D

Ok...that's all from me...hopefully more of the good and less of the bad for the rest of the year will do me just fine =)

Outstanding things to consider end 2010...and some updates...

2010-11-08T09:36:00.001+08:00

It is so soon that the year is coming to an end... so far it has been a year which for various reasons I would like to treasure and forget...but more of that in the year end review post coming soon =)

Probably the biggest thing on my mind is my own posting issue which I dearly hope would be settled in the coming fornight - it all started in May when my bosses told me indirectly to f*** off and relocate to a new place instead - this has contributed to me thinking about moving places already. To tell the truth, I am not sure what lies ahead - but I am considering all possibilities - including that of quitting and moving elsewhere albeit in a lower position, with lower pay and stuff. It has surely been not quite what I expected and was mentally ready for. But - I will still take what chances come and make the best of them. Period. I guess it is pointless to grouse about bad bosses, backstabbing and politics - the truth is that they happen everywhere.

Now on to a personal issue which I am more concerned about than work at least - my mum's impending surgery. I am awaiting a final confirmation on when surgery will be done, and when. The fact that she may have to lie prone for some time after surgery most definitely means that I will spend the bulk of my leave to manage her recovery. For sure. Though I will sacrifice it for a year end vacation which I planned way beforehand - family matters come on top of everything else.

Some positive news - my nephew has shown rapid growth these past few months - he is already able to crawl, and is attempting to walk and talk. Just last Friday he sounded very animated when my girlfriend came along - and he was talking to her and my dad non stop - seems like he is able to call 'mum' and 'dad' soon....haha...

In the meantime, I attended the wedding of one of my best friends and mentor - I consider her a mentor as she has been advising me on a lot of things on everything - and given me a lot of support as well - I wish the best for her in a long and loving marriage. And not to forget that I went with my pals on a trip to Genting which reminded of the last time I went there was so long ago... then I realised that the poor state of Genting shows the backwardness of Malaysia in regards to Singapore's development in the past 10 years...sigh...

And as for me and my girlfriend - both of us have started to plan for other things now...things that will take shape hopefully soon. But the most important thing is that both of us have had our families' support and recognition - that will go a long way in making things better for us =D.

For some news and sports issues - here is what is on my mind the past 3-4 months:

- DPRK's leadership succession and nuclear proliferation: If KJL's son does learn the lessons of Castro's successor and wake up to realities - there may be a way out for DPRK in its international survival. But then again, some people comment that that may be hard to realise since the country has been banking on the principle of brinksmanship based on its nuclear capability... much more remains to be seen.

- Changing tide in US politics - The thrashing of the Democrats in the mid term elections shows that somehow the American people may be expecting too much too quickly out of the Obama administration. I worry that conservativeness of the people through the Republican 'Tea Party' may wreck the global leadership capability of the American economy - that remains to be seen...

- Health of MM Lee with death of his wife - I wish for the best of health of MM Lee...and sincere condolences to him for the passing of Mdm Kwa...

- Singapore Impending GE - With the redrawing of electoral boundaries to consider more SMCs, this might be a response for more electoral participation by the voters - I am sceptical of the fact that with more opposition candidates fielded, this will in turn cause a major political shift - in any sense I expect the status quo to remain due to the huge portion of the 1st and 2nd generation peoples of the nation.

- Japan-China squabble on Senkaku Islands dispute - It must be acknowledged that one day China will assert its power on this issue economically or militarily as shown on this case. China's retaliation throught the restriction of export of rare materials shows that it can now influence global economic and political power play - not to be underestimated.

- Sports Wise....here's the following:

1. Liverpool's fall from grace - Feels like it is a nightmare - but one that they are slowly climbing out of. But if its 2-0 win over Chelsea is any indication - then it should make an assault back to the top...

2. Ferrari trying to seize WDC again - If Alonso can do a Raikkonen in 2007 - he will be a genius - no less. That is because everything dumped him out of the equation save myself and the tifosi fans haha...

3. LA Lakers becoming champs and the three peat attempt, and Miami's new 3-some: The Lakers stand a good chance of the 3-peat simply because they do what they need to do - no-nonsense, and effectively.

4. Tiger Woods - Good luck to him...it may be a long while before he can get that No. 1 ranking, and his golfing swagger back - though his reputation will be in tatters foreever. It is a sobering message to remind all that moral discipline is key above all other things you do - it haunts you if you do not comply by them.

9 months...and 3 months more...

2010-09-06T13:17:00.002+08:00

It sure is a more tiring year for 2010....in general.

Simply because of the fact that I have made less postings here than I did last year.

But now I am trying to send one here while I am taking a break off work - and it comes ironically due to my forgetfulness in bringing my wallet for lunch - but anyway...

For work now I am trying to sort things out - looking elsewhere for options here and there, but it seems like the job market is slowing down...not sure if this is because of concerns over the global economy - something tells me that we are going into economic uncertainty again. And this means that my own career is again looking to enter another rocky path. Sighz - only when I am hoping for a good way out of this - but it seems that the tunnel is getting longer again.

Probably one positive thing to happen though is my nephew - he's the bubbly guy that lights everyone up whenever he comes to visit in the weekend - Recently we had a birthday celebration for my dad which highlighted the 'star' he is - haha... but we all admit that with him around it makes things less miserable for us all.

And not to forget that I myself do have someone to talk, spend time with and love as well... Just to carry off from a few blog posts ago - yup the one who celebrated my birthday with happens to be my girlfriend...and hopefully my last. I am thankful that she is there to counsel, support and understand me these past few months - that I greatly appreciate. For without her probably I will not even know how I would have lasted until now... To her I just want to say:

' Thanks for being around with me, and for understanding, caring and supporting me always. For without you around I would not know what happiness means... and how to make the best out of everything. I wish that we can walk this road together - today, tomorrow...and as long as we can...

Love - Alvin.'

Thoughts...

2010-08-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

Way into the second half of 2010 now... It has been a roller coaster ride these past few months so there definitely is a lot of food for my mind to digest, think and decide. It cannot be a more massive period of time coming to the remaining months of 2010...

Work wise it has been quite...intensive and demoralising...knowing that I am due again, and possibly the reaction to me being around has changed - I admit it is not easier to work unaffected - its so easy to say that one should try to stay professional amidst the change in opinions, relationships among colleagues in the working environment...I will just say that if this is not the case anymore - its time to look elsewhere. And I am hoping for something better.

Family wise it has not been so smooth either - with everyone experiencing more burden in the family somehow. Not to mention about family matters here, I will only say that I hope things will turn better for the rest of us - and that my nephew will probably play a big role in that somehow...

Personally the only thing going well is my relationship now - the only thing I am not in favour with is that I am not going to see her for some time...but I understand why and fully support her to do well in her studies now - its best that I do not disturb her and continue giving my moral support. My dear, if you are reading this, by the time I see you again - there will be a big surprise for you =D Haha....

Life has its ups and downs - I am hoping only for the better in general - and nothing more.

May the gods bless us all for the rest of what can be said to be a challenging year...

Is it time to...?

2010-06-05T16:13:00.002+08:00

Coming to mid 2010...it seems that there are a few questions along the line of 'is it time to...' that I must answer - here's all of them?

Is it time to...

a. 'Look for another job?'

Good question - I come to ask myself this question as I realise that I am giving everyone in the office the wrong impression of myself. I was told by one of my buddies that I am showing everyone the 'I am stressed and do not disturb me' look. This is rather very frustrating - in fact I just do not believe in smiling and talking nonsense and stuff during work. Rather, I prefer not to talk about other things rather than work because there is a time for everything. Somehow keeping a straight face seems to incite other interpretations from other people. Though I am still learning things and may make mistakes, but then to say that I am stressed as a result is a bit strange. To add on to this, things have been rather untenable between myself and my boss - it just means that I may have to look for greener pastures and to quit gracefully before things rather go ugly. I can see that happening in a few months...so I guess I answered my own question for this one.

b. 'Allocate more time to do more different things?'

Another question which is quite hard to pin an answer to. Things that have occured in the past one and a half months since have been huge - my nephew getting older; my younger brother awaiting his graduation, and with good results too; and not to forget myself having someone to answer to =). Of course this derails things a bit from my own resolutions, and I have to restring things a bit to 'get back on track' - there are still a few things that must be done. On top of that I still have the unpleasant task of RT - so time is hard to allocate and disburse. Damn - I have no idea where to start on that one.

c. 'Think of myself more?'

This question rathers makes me more narcissitic if I say yes, but if I say no others think that I am too good - and I am being taken for granted. Increasingly I have been sleeping more on my chair when I get back from work and check my emails or listen to music - so much so that I have to be woken up to get to bed and only to get sores in the next morning. I also have to start thinking about doing more things that will affect me directly more - check my expenditure, check my fitness, check my obligations...

This surely guarantees an unpredictable 6 months to come. Next up, I will see if I can decide on my holiday destinations...for now it will be a shootout between Auckland and Istanbul...

=)

An update...and birthday wishes...

2010-04-26T11:17:00.003+08:00

It has been a while since I posted something here...it is probably a true reflection of how much work has taken out of me personally - and that is something that I do not like actually...

But life's never a bed of roses - so there it is. So here I am, updating now from my home on my birthday which I earned an off day from my boss =)

To start off with work - work has not been easy these past few months. In fact, more than anything else, it has rather intensified... such to the extent that I am probably accumulating backlog and facing a race to clear it. It probably strikes me now that I have the chance to stop and think if I am suitable for the job I am doing. One of my colleagues told me that its very obvious because 'if you believe in it, it will just happen' - and the same applies if it somehow 'does not fit me'. I know where I stand, just that now I am trying my best to do well while keeping my options open. That's the best thing I can do for now...

Of course in between I celebrated my promotion, had a dispute with my boss, had to deal with new entrants and the like... its has been a time of ups and downs really.

And it is not June yet. Hope for better things to come...

Personally, the same can be said for things at home. Deservedly the key highlight is the coming of my nephew a few weeks ago - our whole family was going jumping happy and crazy with his arrival. A cute, chubby, and very very intelligent boy - I admit that I am stunned by his intelligence...just a month old and he can start to recognise voices, and knows when we talk bad about him - he just refuses to drink and make a scene - a headache for everyone. But the joy is that he is trying to talk - and we are all going to make sure it happens sooner than later =)

In the meantime, I am trying to widen my social circle by doing more things...in the midst of taking care of my mum who just underwent minor surgery and me not passing my IPPT (rats!) - I am squeezing some classes in cooking and malay which I would be doing in the months ahead...

And of course my remedial training...no choice about it...

So then just 2 days ago I rounded off my birthday celebrations with a dinner with a friend of mine whom I just met recently (how we met I am not going to reveal hahaha) and I was touched when we ended off with a small cake celebration that she prepared =D. And a picture to round it off - I will post it up on facebook soon.

To her - and I know you are reading this - thanks for making this a wonderful celebration that I will never forget.

To round it off - here is my one wish for this whole year:

*Wish for happiness, stability and good health to myself, my family, my friends, and my loved ones* - everything else is a bonus...

Emotional Unsteadiness

2010-01-03T20:59:00.002+08:00

I always thought that I would be able to ride out any emotional unsteadiness that I am experiencing... then I thought I was...

But then I realised that being emotionally weak happens to be my Achilles heel...among all other things..

The last few months have been a huge emotional ride as either by chance, or by fate, I had somewhat tasted the sweetness, bitterness and the after-taste of romance... what it means to be in and outside of it...

My own experiences have since forced me to take a step back, while now in emotional distress over what and how I should be doing... But then I realised just a few things about myself that I have to accept and consider...

For one, I have to admit that I am probably a simple and yet open-minded guy on finding the ideal one - probably this may explain why my previous interests have been ladies with quite complex backgrounds...be it by choice or cirsumstance. But then it has placed huge emotional stress on myself trying to manage these expectations - so that has always been a tricky issue...

Secondly, certainly I need to learn to be selfish...I guess I haven't - although I will stick to my philosophy that so long as the one that I am interested in enjoys herself on the things we are doing, and me being happy - I think I will have to make my stand known to her as well...so long as the occassion happens because it is her initiative...

Thirdly, nothing is a constant in life - and that applies as well in relationships. But then in relationships there happens to be one constant - opposites attract. And it is key that one maintains who he is, and what he does because that I personally feel is how good relationships work - there have to be some acceptable constants each must accept each other for in order to make it work... retaining one's personality and principles despite the ever-changing circumstances is important. However, if the one I am looking for criticises me for my failings, then of course the answer is without saying that I will have to change - not just for her, nor myself, but for us.

Right now you can probably guess that I am undergoing some sort of emotional rehabilitation...but I will not lose hope.

Some resolutions...for 2010...

2009-12-31T20:57:00.003+08:00

As 2009 wraps up...there have been a lot of ups and downs...

There have been a lot of things that I have experienced this whole year...quite a lot of firsts...but I probably will recount them tomorrow as I need to be extremely coherent to write them all...

But in tradition to my own principles...or idiosyncracies... as usual here's my ten resolutions for 2010. Unlike previous years, these 10 will be crucial as fulfilling them will probably determine whether the rest of my life will be good or miserable...

Here we go...

1. Be an effective planner for everything - always consider the beginning, the process and the end - and what must be done.

2. Be more effective in my job - which means fulfilling increasing responsibilities amidst changes

3. Fulfill responsibilities to family and friends...

4. Sort my own emotional commitments...

5. Participate in more social activities and personal improvement skills, including:
- cooking
- sports skills(tennis, squash?)
- marathons (looking at adidas sundown and standard chartered)
- music classes (guitars?)
- languages (malay may be a start...)

6. Lose weight

7. Update my blog every 2 weeks...

8. Plan for a better vacation - Tibet or Taiwan will be my destination depending on what happens for the year...

9. Always ask and be not afraid of criticism - I suppose I still linking do not know to incompetency...

10. Be more optimistic while retaining the current pragmatism - i.e. living by the 'ant of the masses' philosophy...

The Vietnamese Experience...13th-18th December 2009

2009-12-20T23:42:00.009+08:00

I think it is without a doubt that the trip to Vietnam (congrats to you if you managed to figure out the country in my last post) was immense – in the right and wrong ways… but I managed to think over a lot of things in the midst of appreciating the trip itself…

It is hard to describe everything that happened in the past 6D5N I was there – but then I would try as best possible to…

As of any trip – it has to start with the take off from Changi – we took a three and half hour flight to Noi Bai Airport in Hanoi – but before that we ate something from Popeye at T1 before we flew…

'Good Meal before the flight...'

Upon arrival at Noi Bai my assumption of it being a decently managed airport of a good socialist country was realized – in every sense of the word. Seeing uniformed officers all around clearing our immigration to providing security for us made me think that we were in a military rather than a civilian airport – not sure if that was the Vietnamese government’s intention… With then that we headed on our move to our hotel in Hanoi which took 1 hour – with me sitting at the front tasting for myself first hand the traffic of Vietnam – horning was the way to get around incessant motorbikes which were crazy – and vehicles were cutting across traffic lights like no other…

'The 4 of us taking a photo after landing at Noi Bai Airport

Due to the late arrival – we checked in for a short while around 30 mins before going off on our train ride to Lao Cai village which then we would be transported by minivan to our hotel in Sapa for our first 2D2N stay in Sapa… quite a train ride as I relived my young days of taking the train ride… exhilarating and me and my friends spent time playing card games and talking stuff to spend the time. But one thing for sure – I sure did not like sleeping on the train as the ride was much more bumpy than I thought. And I had not adjusted well to the 1 hour time differential between Hanoi and Singapore yet…

We finally reached Lao Cai after a 8 hour 30 min ride – I swore it was very tiring…and then we just managed to haul ourselves on the minivan to Sapa which took another hour…so by the time we reached it was about 8am in Sapa... we took a long overdue breakfast which was refreshingly good to say the least.

'Outside Sapa Summit Hotel...the Homg tribal people at the background were to harass us for $ throughout our stay...'

Subsequently we then started our walk of Cat Cat village as day 1 of the Sapa tour began…it was quite a walk down to the village. We got served first hand of the ‘hospitality’ of the Hmong people as they walked with us – but with the ulterior motive of getting us to buy their stuff – I vehemently refused because I knew I would be fleeced like no one’s business… but the walk down was very smooth and the scenery was majestic – especially of the mountain ranges. In the midst we took time to explore Sapa itself and managed to see the common area in there – a small courtyard of sorts which also served as a pasar malam, and recreational area as well.

'The Common Area of Sapa'...

We managed to view some of the Hmong artifacts that the local women made – it was then that I learnt from the guide that only boys were sent to school to study which they would grow up to do businesses and toil the lands. Of the plantations present all around, different crops were grown in different times – bamboo and wheat in summer, and rice and indigo in the winter like now…

In the house of a Hmong family, it is worst than I thought – the rooms of the couple and their 10 children were very scary – cannot compare even to the conditions in my hometown which I thought were bad enough…

The indigo plantations...

'The kitchen of a Hmong family...'

We managed to reach the waterfall which was a breathtaking sight – considering the fact that it came down from the mountains which we walked down from. We also managed to eat the delicacy of pork satay which came from the pigs in the area which fed on plants alone – a great treat to say the least.

'All of us at the waterfall at the end of the downward walk'

'Pork Satay anyone?'

Prof did not feel good then – so he took the bike back up the hotel, while Thomas, Kimberly and myself walk the way back – but what we didn’t know as part of the climb back was a near 75 degree shortcut climb which was extremely dangerous – Kimberly definitely did not enjoy it to the very least and Thomas and I took turns to watch her back while we scaled up – I swore we were cursing when we did reach the summit which we climbed more than 300m up – the scariest one I did under any circumstances…

'So much for the climb'...

After our trip back to the hotel, we took time to relax, and then walked down to the common area in Sapa which we hoped to visit the Stone Cathedral – but to our disappointment it was closed due to ongoing renovations. Prof needed to go for a massage so Thomas waited for him…while Kimberly and myself went on our way back to the hotel – we stopped by a café on the way back and had drinks and cheesecake for only 6 bucks – a good deal =)

All of us eventually wrapped up with dinner and an early rest for the night.

But that is where things did not exactly go well for the second day in Sapa as Kimberly sprained her ankle in an awkward way and fell thrice…the walk down to the Lao Cai village was much more treacherous than I thought and while the views were much more breathtaking – including one of the tribal aunties who followed us all the way – I cut short the journey myself and ended the trip around lunch to give ourselves time to rest and recover. In the process, I got a foot masseuse to tend to Kimberly’s ankle and it slightly improved. But to make things worse, we missed the night train – no thanks to me misreading the ticket – we should have left earlier, and instead got on another train back no thanks to a tout – I was severely berated in the process by all and I had nothing to say about it. There I think ruined the whole trip in my own opinion.

'View of the river from the mountain which I was at... - amd after two hours of crazy trekking....'

Everyone otherwise, tired and stunned by the way we got on the train back to Hanoi from Lao Cai, rested on the way back – as for myself I did not say anything more as I knew I had permanently made the trip not so enjoyable for everyone. Upon arrival we reached back at the hotel, had breakfast and were on our way to our day tour of Halong Bay.

The trip to Halong Bay consisted of a 3 hour 30 min minivan ride – which we slept most of the way due to our exhaustion from the night’s ride…but the scenery that greeted us at Halong City was magnificent. I was stunned by numerous rock formations that came up – some were as large as mini islands and others as tall as probably Mount Faber itself. There were also some which assumed different shapes and formations – I shall let these pictures describe to you what I think of them…

After a good lunch on the junk – we disembarked and walked in and around the Amazing Limestone Cave and saw the numerous shapes of limestone rock deposits in the cave itself. As only one of the 1000 such caves in Halong Bay – the numerous shapes took my breath away and everyone of us was quite trigger happy – we took numerous pictures of the cave as we walked around. Unfortunately my camera was not up to the task as the lack of light crippled its ability to get most of the stones in it.

As none of us were in the mood for kayaking, we took pictures around the fishing village near the cave before heading back – I wondered how these people could make a living on these waters and still survive – one of the pictures I got shows a family in there…that adds to my sympathy of these people and admiration of their will to survive despite the harshest conditions…

All of us headed back to the junk and back to Halong City which we took the minivan back – I bought some souvenirs back to office and home which hopefully can satisfy my parents and all of the folks on Monday when I see them… We ended up in Hanoi around 8pm which we had a very satisfying dinner at a small western café run by a small family – good money’s worth… We then went back to have a good rest for the night.
We then wrapped up our tour with a day’s visit of Hanoi – the probable highlight was the visit of the HCM mausoleum where Ho Chi Minh was buried and preserved – in all cases exhibits glorifying him took a morning for us to explore – the entire space dedicated to him was at least twice the size of the Istana – massive! I let the pictures below tell you the story…

In the midst we visited a few temples including the First University of Vietnam, and ended up with a tour of Museum of Ethnology. It was also then which we took time to further understand the Hmong tribe we saw at Sapa, and took pictures of the various artifacts and houses which different tribes of Vietnam stayed in…

In all, we ended with a good ending dinner which I led all the wrong way, and Kimberly took the matters into her own hands – thankfully. And of course with dessert which was ice cream for all of us – and that’s how things ended on the last night of Hanoi. As for myself, I downed a bottle of Hanoi vodka with Thomas – the only liquor I drank the entire trip.

Finally, on the 18th morning, which being the final morning – I woke up early to help Kimberly settle down to take her early flight to Cambodia…and did not sleep after that as I wanted to as Thomas and the Prof subsequently woke up when I came up – the trio of us took breakfast and then took the transport back to Noi Bai Airport – for home. As I took the remaining pictures on the way to the airport, and before the flight itself – I took time to think about the trip and what might have been…

In hindsight, it was not quite good planning from myself which ruined the trip in Sapa – and my blurness which almost sabotaged everyone in general… but then as I realized that these mistakes must be addressed to make future trips with friends enjoyable, I also realized that in all cases I need to consider everyone’s mindset about what they want from the trip… I must admit myself not giving adequate consideration to their requests as much as they did not ask of me for the trip. Ultimately I betrayed their trust.

To Thomas, Yong Keong and especially Kimberly, I seek your apologies and forgiveness for all inconveniences throughout Vietnam… but as I mentioned in my final comments during the final dinner – I hope all of you enjoyed Hanoi and its sights nonetheless…

And that ends my own reflections to Hanoi.

What next then? Perhaps a trip to Taipei which the sights and sounds can be better accommodated within less strenuous circumstances would be better – but I am personally also looking to Tibet for my own personal exploration – after all, I felt most at peace with the mountains…. While also appreciating the fact that I am also quite a city kid after all…

Finding the best of both worlds in city and nature’s enjoyment is difficult in a tour – but Hanoi will live in my heart – for all the things I have seen, done and enjoyed in the process.

A good trip to a good socialist country. =D

P.S. The photos will come in later days due to the huge memory in uploading so therefore the complete post with the pictures will be up by the end of the week latest. In the meantime, stay tuned to my facebook profile as I am putting pictures up there as well – there will be some overlaps…

Some things change...and some things don't...

2009-10-10T11:31:00.003+08:00

In the 3 months since the last post, a lot of things have happened. Yet, as some things change, I also realise that some things don't as well...

These changes also come with huge consequences which I also subsequently realised...

Work wise, the changes that have happened have also increased...with a looming reorganisation coming within months, a new structure has been thrown upon myself and the entire branch - some will stay where they are, others move...in this case I belong to the latter. My own desire is to continue what I am doing now - I do not like the fact that I have to unlearn and relearn things when I have not even fully mastered what I know in my current scope...so that's what it is... But, if somehow I have to move again, then my own determination in making the best out of everything will have to push me through again... I have to say on record though that one thing that makes the incoming adjustment bearable will be my own colleagues especially in my own section that will help me through...

Some say its all about the timing of coming into an organisation which can either make things smooth sailing, or hit you the hardest...I can say that for a guy like me who will certain appeciates some certainty first this is surely uncomfortable in a way or another...

Yet, time waits for no man...so hmm...

But thankfully some things change also for the better...the fact that I am soon going to be an uncle soon is a good thing - all the joy and busy things to welcome the arrival of the 3rd generation in the family means that I am also chipping in my own fair share of things...which I am more than happy at doing.

On the other side of the coin, some things don't change as well...and whether they are good or bad remains to be seen...

A reunion with some of my pals over a dinner last month was a good thing...especially seeing that all of us are all employed with work to do is a great bonus. But even then, there are still some changes...for example a particular guy friend of mine has seemed to become more arrogant because of his job and his love for it...so much so that he inadvertently brags to the rest of us about it... Weizhen has had more engagements due to her fame in 'Superband'...can't be helped...

In the meantime, I am also trying to plan for a short vacation which I am getting seniors and juniors on board...most likely there will be 5 of us which one of them will be our guide...

There was an old gathering of ex schoolmates during the wedding of one of our classmates...which I ask myself why things have not changed for myself while for the others it seems to go all so well for them...either they have achieved tangible or intangible rewards while it seems that for me I am just another guy on the street...

Which brings me back to square one really. Can I still be who I am - the accomodating, teasable guy on and off work and yet not having achieved anything significant...?

I guess that question was decided for me when one of my best buddies got attached herself - and she told me think things over...

So I guess that's it then... if so, I must go back and work on unfinished things for 2009 so that 2010 will be a better year.

More updates coming soon on my future vacation...btw if you want a clue on where I am travelling...here's one:

- Like Egypt, it has a famous river delta as a key tourist attraction.

=)

Personal Frustration

2009-07-24T08:24:00.002+08:00

Perhaps it is then I realise some things cannot change – and will not change.

I just realize that whatever I do, I cannot hide my weaknesses and they will again get exploited. And the basic respect that I will get as a member of my workplace will never be realized.

It is that sad really.

I can probably do whatever I can to rectify them, but as I realize, first impressions stick and I will have to go a long way to rectify them.

Sometimes I am not sure if I am doing the right thing by staying back to do things as best as I can do, but the mere thought that they will get totally changed can be a very demoralizing thing.

Also, I am feeling that the support of my colleagues in helping me get my job done is not far there – as it is always said that the key thing that breaks one’s back sometimes is the dynamics with the immediate boss, and the key colleagues in and around him. But I feel extremely let down by one of them – and this will be something that I know will stick. I think I have already made my grievances quite loudly known – but the mere helplessness of me knows that I am probably a useless fool – whether that will change is a big question.

One of my mentors told me that probably I should consider getting out as soon as technically I am able to. One part of me says that I should, but the other part of me warns me that fighting so hard to get in here, it will be stupid to get out before I have learnt everything that I must learn. The latter is what I am inclined to do, but losing the confidence of my big bosses will also play a big part to my own future. Whatever I do, they will never support whatever I say, whatever I do and simply my presence will soon enough be untenable. Despite what they say about staying back to help me make things work, deep down in my mind I have this extremely bad feeling that the reverse is the case.

So it is a hard decision to make - and no one can help me decide on that.

Knowing my own weakness at such things, it is hard to decide at times – perhaps I should take time, consider all options I have and tell myself if staying here is the best thing I can do. After all, it is one thing to travel from one end of the country from another. But it is something else altogether to take abuse especially when I know I don't deserve all of that crap.

‘Adaptability’ – I thought I am doing what I can to stay afloat. Apparently to some, it is not enough.

Maybe I am that useless after all – after all, everyone that I can talk to about this has gone but I am still here.

Maybe it may not be that good to do my 100% when I am not getting what I should get.

This time round - I think this is one good grouse that I need to get off my back. Problem is - I need to think of a way out - hope for the best....hope for the best....

Can I say anything more?

Some thoughts…and a painful decision

2009-06-28T18:48:00.002+08:00

It is in the wee hours of the morning that I decided that I should type this post which has been delayed for far too long…

For long I have delayed posting one up due to the fact that I needed time to compose my thoughts properly – and now is a good time to recap everything that has happened the past few months since my last post.

Work has been far more difficult than I thought – the scope itself is something which I have not been able to fully understand yet – and I can feel the weight of expectation of me having to be able to learn something from these few months. Whether it is writing reports, or reporting updates, or liasing with people, I am expected at this time to know a few things already and get into motion. Especially when there is a huge change of leadership that has been ongoing at my branch and will not end until early next year at the latest.

My greatest fear is that despite my own will to learn as much as possible, I may have committed far too many mistakes for me to be considered for a permanent posting. Hence I have decided to plan for alternatives should the very worst happen – I hope not, but I must be prepared for it. With the change of leadership at my own section and my own bosses, the cooperative element in my branch has been taken away. Sadly to what I have realized in public administration in PS, applying good organizational theories are very much dependent on the nature and personality of the leaders enforcing it. My disappointment is that some of my bosses may not have the foresight to deal key ideas across in a sensible and convincing manner that will win the respect of everyone in the branch. Cue MNO1001 – again. Except that since they just came like me, I have to stick with them…I guess I do not have a choice.

With regards to dynamics between colleagues, I guess being seen as a serious person on and off work is not a good thing. However, that may be something that is proving harder for myself to overcome. Often I have adopted a very straightforward approach, and not being able to accept daily ironies and jokes to relieve stress – and even when I tried, have been using the wrong methods in doing it. This indicates that handling life in the public sector is a different ball-game from the private, and I guess I am still too much buried in the private sector mentality. As a result, I have not been able to click that well with my colleagues, which can be very frustrating. But I realize that I have to melt the ice in my own heart to be more acceptable, receptive and approachable.

Perhaps it is my own personality that has affected everything else around me – a weak social life, on and off romances (or attempts at it), and more things. Having just attended my former secondary school classmate’s wedding pointed out very much to me why I cannot think of marriage – marriage and romance just do not click with my own personality which I do not see much wrong with until today. So therefore, today, I make this very vow – I will not think of romance and achievements until I can totally change my personality – and that will take time.

Commentary from the office desk: 2 cents worth of political events (Part V)

2009-04-08T14:18:00.000+08:00

This is a late entry compared to the previous 4 posts, but I will try to restore the regular balance back…in return, allow me to summarise and comment on some of major political developments for the past few weeks…

Hilary Clinton’s visit to Asia esp the 4 countries is of heavy political significance – by visiting Japan and Indonesia before PRC and Korea means that Washington is going to hopefully concentrate more on the ‘forgotten part’ of Asia – that being Southeast Asia. After all, any politically informed person in this region would know that Condolezza Rice snubbed the last 2 US-ASEAN summits in favour of trying to ‘fix’ the damage in Iraq and Iran. Somehow Obama’s intelligence has alerted him that building a good relationship with ASEAN will make his GWOT much smoother so that he can look to Afghanistan and Pakistan alone. Hopefully that helps.

The Tamil Tigers and their fight for a homeland amidst Sinhalese-dominated Sri Lanka is probably going to have a bloody ending. It is now obvious that the Sri Lanka armies will defeat them convincingly – but one has to ask if they can comprehensively wipe them out… I will not think that that is possible so long as they retreat back to the jungles, and their leader Villapulai Prabhakan cannot be found, this struggle may become another mini-Taliban with Osama…so this story will not close not in the short run.

Now of course the other thing comes with the G20 summit going on right now – Obama will have to realize that it is not just a PR exercise to look good – but he has to sound good and be truthful as well. There has been much furore over the agenda of the summit itself – that of which I think is not an easy thing for any new President of the USA to look at – it is worse when one has a global crisis, domestic confidence to rebuild as well.

On the ongoing saga of the DPRK missile testing (or they so claim it as a satellite), my guess is that a military confrontation might happen soon – the only question is how big it will be. Personally my own opinion of it is that it is dependent on how both sides will react. For Japan, the US and South Korea it will be clear – they will react accordingly. Especially for the Japanese, their interceptors are ready to shoot any missile that is launched – and that the US and South Korea will table it to the UNSC. DPRK vows to issue a military response – not sure what that means – but to me it is simple – it sure wants to declare war – something it never thought of – it might happen as soon as this weekend. However, with the launch yesterday, and Japan choosing not to intercept, it might be seen as a sign of weakness from the Japanese and Americans – and give DPRK the impression that they hold the cards in this struggle. Yet as one analyst from Beijing University correctly commented, this is the only way Kim Jong Il will get the attention it seeks – as the world would not pay attention otherwise to a country that is going to ruins anyway anyone looks at it.

First impressions from work…and realisations…

2009-01-30T16:37:00.000+08:00

Typing my first impressions of work from my new office – seems kinda weird that I do have the time to type here since my new job is supposed to be push from the start…ok, anyway, the reason to that is why I am typing this now is probably to reflect some deep feelings of mine which I know I cannot share with anyone – to do that would mean probably the end of everything for me…

One of them, which I cannot mention, is the hiding of a very dark secret which I cannot let anyone in this world know save for the other who is affected by it…To do so would jeopardise the very career which I am doing in…The only reason to why I am doing so is to help this other friend of mine in various ways possible such that he/she would be able to live well. Now my other friend has promised that she would keep it as well…as long as I am able to pay the price to it…its something that both of us committed, and it’s a price that we both have to pay…enough said. And don’t push me to say anything about this…I will end it here by saying that this is my darkest secret…

Now back to the slightly happier thing of starting out my new job. Its been a week since I have been here – and I have been feeling quite left out after a while…I happened to be roped in as my predecessor would be leaving in 2 weeks…so today happens to be her final day in the office where in the midst of doing lou hei we also did a special thank you for her – she happens to be a friend of one of my seniors in Arts Club that I deeply respect…it was an emotional day for her…but at that moment when she gave her speech, I truly realised how left out I was there…perhaps I might be expecting too much of myself as a newbie…the transition cannot be seamless. Everyone wished her well, but at the back of my mind, I was thinking of the same would be done for me 2-3 years down the road when it’s my turn to go…? I have my own doubts at that sadly…even though the environment can be said to be very warm and welcoming, but I truly realise that while taking over the duties of my upperstudy is one thing, building on the relations that she has built up in the office with the other guys, including my section, is another matter altogether – I truly felt really left out today cos I know that I am very very far away from building up dynamics even in my own section, not to say the whole branch…but preserver is the key word. Hopefully with my own willpower and never-say-die spirit I would be there sooner rather than later…It’s easy to say one should stay optimistic and things – as my experience from my previous job serves to testify – but just that for now, the borders are much harder to break down and therefore much harder to establish new relationships as well…Even as I hear it, I can feel my fellow team members who will definitely miss her absence and see perhaps as her not-so-good replacement – I am trying not to think about it. My senior’s right about this – being in a job is one thing, but to survive and do well is another. Therefore it seems to me that to achieve the second objective is far tougher than I expected, especially one which human relations define careers almost totally.

Finally, just to sign off on this Chinese New Year post, I have now formalised my own theory – the final one of course…

The ‘Ant of the Masses’ so defines that a person whose achievements are ordinary can be content if he is able to consistently perform well at work and sometimes exceed expectations. If an ant can life things 50 x its weight, anyone can sure perform his tasks beyond expectations – indeed we should follow such a strategy then all of us can do well in it…I am damn sure..

Happy Chinese ‘Niu’ Year 2009! :D

Commentary from the office desk: 2 cents worth of political events (Part IV)

2009-01-30T16:36:00.000+08:00

On this issue of the discussion of political events for this week, there are quite a few sensitive issues of discussion that have major implications possibly for the coming 1-2 years… seems like the Year of the Ox has instead made things harder for people to live with each other. Look on…

The focus on the new Obama administration in the US seems to have reached a fever pitch following his inauguration this week, and this will definitely be so for the next few months. And with good reason. Obama and his key ‘weapons’ have too many hot issues on the table to handle – and today I would just mention 2 of them – the economic crunch and his first victory on the passing of the economic stimulus package and condemnation of too-wealthy Wall Street Bankers…and the other being the ongoing instability in Israel-Gaza and the Afghanistan issue. Obama’s actions have been decisive and calm, but his ire against the Wall Street bankers shows that he wants to identify with the common American man on the street to the end of his term, and that for now will stand him in good stead to pass even the toughest of reforms that would help the average American. As for the Middle East, he might be a little too naive on how things can be resolved, but the guile of Hillary Clinton and Richard Holbrooke means that he would get the best expert advice on handling the situation.

North-South Korean relations seems to have taken a turn for the worse now with the North cancelling all agreements with the South. Of course, the North explains this as no thanks to the aggressive policies of the South led by Lee Myung Bak, but I would differ – I rather see as the North increasingly realising itself as being seen as the weak state, the pariah state…isolated and irrelevant, that it has decided to play the one card that it still has that would make the world shiver – now I am realising that my best pal’s words in his presentation more than a year ago are still very valid…

Lastly of course a word of mention must be given to the increasing unemployment situation in Singapore. Those who read would know that unemployment rate for the country rose to 2.6% at Q4 08, so that is ringing bells for everyone already. Now for what that means is simple – there is just an ongoing cloud of doom and gloom around the country – and the Chinese New Year itself is extremely reflective on that. Despite massive efforts to celebrate, the ongoing tightening of wallets means that revenues for selling of goodies and good foods have massively fallen – more people are now going out hoping to get something out of the worsening situation – employers want to tighten but more people need stable jobs to survive. I am definitely one of them some time ago – the current one I am doing is something I would definitely reject a year or 2 ago – not now, as I see myself having the need to adapt in order to prosper better. And that is the moral of the story for anyone else in Asia right now. Japan’s the latest case with calls for snap polls intensifying by the opposition over the LDP’s non effective economic reforms.

Finally, a side note has to go to the effects of global warming – the heat wave throughout Asia is tremendous. Most of us would have realised that the last 2 months have been unusually dry – when the expected Nov-Jan monsoon should be here and then a few years ago…and that the Australian Open was delayed for a while due to the searing heatwaves of 41 degrees Celsius and more…slowly, mankind is suffering for all the environmental destruction it has caused since World War II…

That’s all from me for now…the next post might be late…but it will still come =D

P.S. Some of my anger is also directed at Liverpool and the LA Lakers for not getting the wins they are getting and letting everyone else get ahead…but get ahead with it guys! Sooner or later, we will ride out of this slump…

Commentary from the office desk: 2 cents worth of political events (Part III)

2009-01-28T15:37:00.000+08:00

Part III of this series today now comes with a twist – a mixture of the good, bad and ugly. Now one might understand the good and bad – but ugly? Allow me to explain. Ugly news happens because it is something nobody wants to happen. Of course things that fall into this category can include natural disasters biological epidemics and etc…ok I think you will get the point.

Speaking of the good, there are quite a few things that occurred this week…maybe a listing will be gd:

- Ceasefire in Gaza by Israeli troops – good that the carnage generated has been halted, but one can be sure that it will not be long before the Israelis come in again…and the case for justification may be as blurred as the previous one…
- Barack Obama’s inauguration – certainly one well watched by the world and hopes for him rise exponentially. His first call to Mahmoud Abbas, and then later to Olmert and the rest indicate that the Middle East is priority to him. And of course to add to that, he added heavyweight diplomats in his arsenal for dealing with Israel and Afghanisatan/Pakistan. Hope that he displays the same audacity and boldness for the economy as the whole world needs it
- Budget Statement – The ‘resilience’ package sure has a lot of measures which will try to soften the blow. But as the government mentioned, they are ‘soft beds to cushion a hard landing’ – so everyone will have to pray and ride it out still.

Now of the bad, definitely one or 2 things have to be mentioned, and the one that comes up to mind definitely is the media resurgence of Al-Qaeda. Following addresses by Osama Bin Laden, now other senior figures called up to declare all out war to attack targets in US and Britain for the ‘atrocities’ of the war. If that happens, US may have no choice but to smash Pakistan to get to Osama, but that itself faces difficulties due to the resilient Pakistan premiership and presidency. Also the fallout of the Mumbai incident in November 08 does not look to cease with India apparently ‘not impressed’ with the arrests made by the Pakistanis…so this looks to point to another period of instability in South Asia in 2009.

The ugly – is the occurrence of natural disasters and ecological problems in Indonesia and HK respectively. Seemingly earthquakes increasingly common in the last 4 years after the Tsunami indicates that that event had long lasting consequences on Indonesia’s geological formations, while the rise in pollution levels in HK indicate that the inevitable discussion of air pollution and traffic cannot be discarded in Asia’s 2nd most developed city after Tokyo – so watch this space.

Finally, one final mention that has to go to football today is that sanity has resumed with Kaka’s rejection of Manchester City. I have to confess, that was a close call coming – I certainly would not have expected that to come…but at least the good thing shows that money cannot buy everything for a person – but it is still a weapon that many people can do with.

Many happy returns, and have a happy Chinese New Year 2009 of the Year of the Ox =D

A tribute to my late great grandmother

2009-01-18T21:09:00.003+08:00

I will break off for a while here to pay my last respects and salute probably one of the greatest people that I have ever known in my life - my great grandmother...

Was told by my mum that she passed on at 7am today...so in my state of mourning and deep reflection, I hereby present this tribute to her...

A legendary lady in her own right, she was born just when the Chinese Revolution of 1910 happened or after that...in the instability of the times in China, she managed to brave the elements and sailed down to Malaysia where she struggled with a lot of boat immigrants to try to find a new life overseas...

No doubt she would have heard of the favourable times in Malaysia compared to her hometown in Fujian...the thing I was not sure was whether she had met her husband by then...that was one thing which I cannot ascertain forever...

She struggled and tried to make ends meet, but somehow luck seemed to get worse for her...no one would have known about a crazy group of Asian idiots who wanted a 'co-prosperity sphere' for themselves...and when my own hometown was invaded in early January 1942 - my great grandma was caught together with her husband like so many Chinese peoples in Asia...

However, just as luck would have it, just as she was to become executed after great grandpa was slain by the Japanese sword...when she was next in line...she was spared. That, as she told me herself, the Japanese would leave her for another day.

That day never came of course - that very next day the Japanese under Yamashita stormed Johor Bahru and subsequently smashed British hopes at a certain City hall with their surrender. But she was spared - instead asked to do slave labour and grow crops for the troops - if I did not get my facts wrong.

When the war was over, she moved in with my grandfather and his kids as she had nowhere else to go - that now my mum vividly remembers as she slept in the same room with great grandma until her wedding to my dad. And my great grandma never forgot the care that was given to her by grandfather and the rest. The gods' blessings were with her as things improved in the 1960s...she recovered as well - she managed to see to see her own descendants expand their families and see her grandchildren, and subsequently 2-3 decades later, her great grandchildren.

It was then when she decided that she discovered with her reborn life, she decided to do something that she never did - tour the world and meet new friends. It was remarkable as for one like her she never did something like this since she sailed down from Fujian - she travelled alone for the next 2 decades to and fro between Singapore and my hometown...and made many new friends in Singapore itself. And she was overjoyed to be here...I would always remember the time where she even made the trip to Tiong Bahru to buy the famous buns for us. To tell the truth, the reason to why I strived to be a 'street directory' is all due to her unpresevering spirit - if she can remember places so well, so should I as well... In those times she would always take care of us and ask me to check phone numbers as she would always recorded her visits to her friends...

However, as time caught up with her...so did her body and subsequently, her spirit...she got weaker, and was unable to move - needed constant taking care of already...in the last 5 years or so she was not the same familiar chirpy old lady that I knew - as she began to lose her memory and not recall a lot of people.

But some things that matter to her a lot somehow do not go away...in her dying days my grandma told my mum that she would constantly mention great grandpa's name...and wished my grandpa and us well... So at the end, just as when it seemed that she would not remember anyone...these thoughts kept coming back to her. But at the same time, as these moments happened while her physical condition deteoriarted, I told my mum that her time was really not long...soon...

And then she passed away today...my grandma told us that she died happy - a smile on her face.

My emotions are so mixed....on one end I feel heartwrenched - if there is such a word - but on the other hand, I feel at peace now that with that, I am certain that she has lived a long and meaningful life. To be able to see the world, enjoy various things at various stages of her life, and yet be appreciative of the many things that happened to her - I know that she has gone to seek her next life in a better world.

In the end, this - to my great grandma - my blessings go to you and go happy after enjoying a very long life...

Commentary from the office desk: 2 cents worth of political events (Part II)

2009-01-16T12:31:00.002+08:00

I discover that it is easy to criticise and comment on some things, while it is tougher being on the ground and having to make hard decisions that will not be seen as rational until hindsight... But that does not mean that one is not allowed to express his view...

As usual now, (and I hope this can be maintained for as long as it can be), Part II of the comments from the resident political couch is here...

Now the most important thing is probably, for here at least, the attempted burning and scarring of an MP during an event organised by a community centre. For those who might see it as making it a mountain out of a molehill, I will not say that this qualifies as a molehill - indeed, this could be the tip of the iceberg of increasing discontent by groups of people who are hit the worst by the economic recession and may be very unhappy with government measures in relieving their situation thus far. Indeed I might be inclined to agree that such resent is simmering, but for such a person to act beyond rationality is a sign and a warning of how badly things have hit here - indeed there is a realisation that majority of Singaporeans are quite ambivalent about those. I may be wrong of course, but my opinion is that most Singaporeans take their current living for granted and think that they would be the last ones to be hit by it - highly to the contrary when considering actual events on the ground of course.

Of course now on the ongoing invasion (I refuse to say clash as it is a totally one sided invasion by the Israelis) in Gaza. Strictly speaking attacking is fine in the nature of self defence, and if it is justified of course, but even that becomes blurred when the UN is attacked not once, but twice. From a neutral's perspective, it could be that Israel is taking a pot shot at telling the UN to mind its business and hit whoever their intelligence determines Hamas' rockets are coming from. That, of it, is purely hypocritical - I may be totally wrong of course. But no one will disagree that this invasion has totally violated all forms of international law. That - is extremely regrettable. Make no mistake - it is totally right to react in self defence - but as Sun Zi himself mentioned, to kill the civilians is the most despicable form of war.

Part 3 of this commentary is on the focus of the fuel squabble between Russia and Ukraine over the payment of gas and subsequent boycotting. This sadly is a preview of what happens when natural resources get increasingly tight in supplies and more countries fight over it. Cue - China, which everyone on Earth will know will be the one big consumer of all resources even outlasting the Russians themselves. The problem over the current spat is that the EU is suffering as a result due to Ukraine being the outlet to where gas reaches them - so now there is the scenario of two men fighting over the same thing which their clients suffer. Those who pay attention to European politics of the last decade would know the ongoing sensitivities and even tensions of relations with Ukraine and Russia, as there is much at stake - not just the gas, but political and strategic implications as wel. I am quite sure that this will be resolved soon, but how soon is a big question mark.

And finally, who can forget the fact that this week is the last week of the reign of President George W Bush? Now of course there were critics who mentioned just after Bill Clinton's terms that George W's term will be less positive, if not rocky - come to think about it, that's about the same thing that can be said of his reign. However, of course to just say that would be too sweeping a statement - a better way to put it is that the negatives happen to be more serious than the positives of his 2 terms in the White House. For the positives of engaging the PRC, Russia and traditional American allies, and reacting in the right way towards global terror, the negatives which include a misled invasion of Iraq, worsening relations between Iran, DPRK, Russia, African and Southeast Asian nations have overwritten all of that. What Obama can do now, sadly - is to do damage limitation. What Ma Ying Jiu did after Chen, Obama will have to do that - and more in order to write over the mistakes of Bush Junior. Now that takes some doing, and the world waits in bated breath over his appointment next week.

One parting shot amongst all of this, has to be back to soccer again. And any soccer fan who has the slightest idea of international football will surely be aware of a crazy 110 Million pound transfer by Manchester City for Milan's playmaker Kaka. Obviously in the world of transfers and player prices, the most expensive remains one Zinedine Zidane who cost Real Madrid less than half of that bid from Juventus, so this breaks the stratosphere of football transfer dealings. What I can only comment is that while City's ambitions are well listed in this bid, the implications of player dealings if this goes ahead is that clubs will be held ransom even more than before - that of which no one wants except 'naughty' players.

There goes a very turbulent week then - but in my opinion, there are more things to expect, more things that will surprise every week - so stay tuned.

Have a nice week ahead! =)

Commentary from the office desk: 2 cents worth of political events the past few days

2009-01-09T13:38:00.003+08:00

In order to find more use for my space here, and I have been thinking about it for a while...I have decided to use this space as a column for commenting on political events and my own take on them...

Of course there will be nothing derogatory - just in my own words - a comment from the 'ant of the masses'...

Now of course, anyone would know that there are a few issues of note in Singapore and the rest of the world that one would have to take notice:

1 - The latest announcements here with regards to extending packages and retraining for the unemployed and elderly workers. This is obviously a massive boost for these groups of people (and I know it full well as I was in one of them for quite a while) and at a time where money counts more than anything else, hopefully these moves do instil confidence in the economy one way or another here.

2 - Whoever that says that gas is not important should literally bang themselves on the wall with news on the spat between Russia and Ukraine and the suffering EU in between. Now of course there are moves to resolve it quickly (and they better do), this is definitely a warning of what it can mean in the future. China and Japan squabbling over it now is another sign of it in case you still do not get the idea yet.

3 - Some things die hard - in the eyes of fundamentalists that is. Israel's latest offensive in Palestinian territory is with no thanks to their allegations of attacks by Islamic fundamentalists in Gaza. The question is not the extent of Israel's attacks, which sadly occupies the no. 2 on my own list - it rather is whether this attack is legal in the first place. Thinking back to the previous understandings of 'self defence' thanks to a module which I studied earlier, this notion as Israel's reason of officially attacking remains extremely questionable. It is not the first time Gaza's attacked, but hell, not a lot of people can do anything no thanks to Israel's backers - I seriously do get the feeling that somehow, power politics still pays in the world of IR... This is still highly regrettable - and serious questions have to be asked of the strength of international law - as most of it, until today, was crafted by the chief victor, that being of course the USA in 1949...

This is a preview of what should hopefully be a weekly instalment from me on my own 2 cents view of political issues...

But that of course has to be wrapped up by a 'sweetener' - for me I think...so the 'sweetener' this week has to be English football...

Contrary to what British football's most successful manager has to say about my favourrite football club as 'chokers' and 'imploding', I will maybe want him to consider that if this is the sort of mind games that he wants to play, than that is a off to a very lousy start. Seriously, I think that there is as equal as a chance of Liverpool taking the title as well as Man Utd and Chelsea. Perhaps Fergie better be concerned about how not to slip up against the Blues this Sunday....one that I would definitely watch.

=)

P.S. Comments are welcome

2008...in a few words...and 2009

2008-12-31T22:12:00.003+08:00

2008 is a year with a lot of swings...the problem though is that each swing happened to occur on a different magnitude such that it takes anyone a much harder and longer time to fully feel the impact of each swing before another comes along...

But still, as it is, and as of the end of 2008 - I have come henceforth...in the midst of celebrating the passing of another year - at home, yes...here comes my few moments of 2008...if any at all...

- Hunting for jobs...and the job search: This is probably the most significant thing that has taken me, both physically and emotionally. Not sleeping cos of the need to read up for interviews, and then read on the train....before it...And of course trying to ride it out, hoping for the best results... Or even the basic effort of looking for jobs everywhere, sending resumes, making calls etc... I truly confess that my own emotional moods had been severely affected by it. Some people do not truly appreciate the fact that they are in a job in these bad times, and still grouse, and want to jump... others just want to show off and shove it in your face. I myself had to experience the ups and downs of being out and in the job market as I left my first, in the hunt for another...

Therefore, the moral of the story is this: one must create his own chances...that means...prepare for possible interview tests, resumes etc... and be really patient.

- Commencement: Although I did not post up any pictures here, but then I already did in facebook (which reminds me that I have not visited for a long long while), it is truly the best thing that any graduate can have. That short moment of glory, with your certificate - is a hallmark in every sense of the word - not just getting a basic degree - but to me, also the end of my academic exploits... but if this is the way to end it, then it is a heck of a ride...

As I have pointed out previously that my time in NUS is a lot more eventful than I would have wanted, I still appreciated the time I was there...taught me a lot of lessons that have readied me for the working world as best as I could...

As it is, these 2 issues have dominated most of my thinking time...so let's get on with my own resolutions...

1 - To lose weight and pass my fitness tests in a few months time...if I can lose 10kgs it wld be a gd thing...

2 - To consolidate in my new appointment and excel in it hopefully - although I will have to get used to the time of travelling - can't be helped I guess...

3 - Helping fulfil family obligations...

4 - Romance here would take a back seat here, but still my goal of getting a gf - and a good one wld still occupuy my main resolutions...

5 - Stay in contact with good pals like you guys - =) Thanks for everything in 2008 - and long may it continue in 2009.

6 - Anything else is a bonus. =D

Finally...it's over...the end of the abyss

2008-12-30T11:31:00.002+08:00

Always I ask myself what happens what I would do when I eventually come to the end of the abyss that is my state of disillusionment...

I never knew that I could be that lucky when I had 2 on the table when I made changes to my interview skills, and various tests that I had to overcome...but eventually I had to choose one. And choose I did.

Of course, on record, I will not like to declare my incoming appointment because I do not sense the need to boast - but I will like to take the opportunity here to thank a select group of friends who helped me through this storm...and hence I have them to thank as much as the blessings of the gods as well in getting this one.

To Parvin, Kelvin and Thomas - thanks to all of you =D

This new appointment that I am taking - lands me up in an environment which I totally do not expect myself to be in. But it is a new challenge and all that I want to do now is to settle in and excel in it so that I will have other chanves of climbing up the ladder in this ministry.

In short though, this is the best Christmas present of 2008. And I am damn happy to get it =P

Next up - a review of things 2008, and resolutions Part 3 (of course after 06 and 07 editions...)

A very belated one...so many things...from a tunnel to light to a tunnel again (Part II)

2008-12-14T22:27:00.003+08:00

So continuing from where i left off...I eventually got a job after commencement...

But that's where things did not improve as I thought...it came to my brutal realisation that this job that I did needed people with a lot of mental steel, tenacity and ruthlessness to withstand the ups and downs of it..

The nature of it being one that is so hinged on KPIs that affect my rice bowl, developments that happened from September nowards were catastrophic - bad until even for an MNC like my company, profits fell by a full 75%... And of no doubt my own revenue sank to new lows - such that I dare not even mention it to my friends whom I met up at times. I fully realised the despised looks that I so 'rightly' deserved for such a job - save for a few who really cared about what I felt when Idid what I chose to.

So I left sometime later, and I am now back in the tunnel again - getting more rejetions after deciding that eventually a place in the corporate might not be what I can be mentally ready for - I most definitely needed a job with a stable pay pocket, bar the uncertainties - and then ride it out...

Continually, I have more interviews and more rejections simultaneously - so as you mighy think, well, I am in this tunnel of seeking a way out of what I chose for myself - an ideal job alternate to the one I rejected before commencement...

I now only seek the blessings of the gods in getting a stable job - then which I will know what best to do when eventually, I land my hands on it.

A very belated one...so many things...from a tunnel to light to a tunnel again (Part I)

2008-11-13T00:32:00.003+08:00

A long belated post...and I have a lot of things to catch up on...

First of all...graduation came after my final results some time ago...while nothing changed to the eventual honours I would get, there was comfort that I did myself justice by getting the best result in a semester in my entire academic tenure. One can only guess what would happen had I truly stayed as a mugger and not anything else..but anyway...

Commencement 2008 then took place on that very day...July 10...which among all things was a day which I would not forget...for so many reasons. It struck me that this would possibly be the last time which I can celebrate with my friends from which I have known throughout campus - and what I have achieved in my academic career has probably come to an end here - for which I know I will not be able to pursue an extension to that as far as I know it...

For that I express my sincere and deepest thanks to my family for their support while I pursued what I truly wanted to do...and to all my friends on campus for everything that I have learnt - the highs and lows of them...and my lecturers for making this a unique experience that I will not forget for the rest of my life...

But never would I realise how important this would be for me as I would never realise that my working life would be a lot...a lot...a lot...worse than what I prepared myself for...

More of this very soon...

A short post on this one day that comes every year

2008-04-26T11:08:00.002+08:00

On this one day that comes every year, and I always pay attention to it like anyone else would...

First of all, I thank everyone for sending me their best wishes for hailing my 25th birthday. As some people would like to call it their quarter-life crisis, I suppose it is for me too...for various reasons I may highlight in my next post most possibly tomorrow with the best and worst things in NUS coming then as well...

But, as usual today I would put aside everything and just become myself - just for today.

As always at this moment every year, I always have 3 wishes - but this time they assume greater magnitude than I ever thought they would..so here they are:

1) Wish for the gods to bless me in whatever career I may be in...which I would decide very very soon...

2) Good results to sign off what can only be said to be a troubling academic time in NUS for all various reasons...

3) Maintain good relationships with each and everyone of you - it's much harder to catch up when we will be in work and everything else is secondary to work - that's how it always is...barring relationship commitments of course...

You might sense that for this top 3 wishes I do not include something that has been very very close to my heart - I decided that no one can force it and in any case, fate will decide what will be...and what won't be.

And for a bonus wish...

4) For my family to become much stronger and tighter in the remaining year to come - with my brother's formal wedding mitigated by other troubling things which I cannot mention here - I sincerely hope for things to improve...that would make me the happiest guy as I do not have to worry about such things anymore...

So to conclude - cheers to a happy 25th birthday for me.

=)

End of school for the final time

2008-04-16T10:25:00.002+08:00

First of all, before I go on to the main issue...allow me to mention a word on the concluded PS Honours Dinner...

Although it was held on an April Fools' Day, no one took it for a fool's message and instead came out in force =)

Caught up with a few friends that I didn't talk to for some time and I felt extremely happy that I had the chance to talk to them...after all, to tell the truth, it's hard to see when all of us can meet again. Still, we were reminded of Falak's passing who in my personal opinion, is a loss that will be mourned by friends for a long time...

Ok, coming to the critical issue...

It's fast as this week approaches and the feeling of it being the last week of school sinks in...

I don't normally feel a lot for it except for the fact that this is indeed the last week of school as it stands for me...I don't foresee any chance of me going back to study again - not at least for the next 5 years or so.

What I want to say now is that the one thing that I miss, apart from the lessons (good and bad), assignments (relaxing and irritating and frustrating), exams, is the friends that I have made here.

That includes all of you whom I known through my 4 years on campus - your presence made things a lot easier for me as I managed to live a decent human and sometimes hilarious life on here...

For those whom I knew in JC and Secondary school years, I thank all of you too - for without you all I would not be able to form my own principles - indeed some of my own key motivations come from you guys..

For everyone whom I know then in my academic career - thank you. And I hope to meet with you guys as and when all of you are able. =)

More on what the ten best and worst things from NUS soon.

An emphatic speech of anti-elitism

2008-03-28T18:50:00.002+08:00

Probably the most recent problem that I have in the run up to the last few weeks is the grousing that I have been launching...

As this semester winds down to an end...and I am still hunting for jobs - which I have applied for several and gotten rejections so far...I am not giving up still.

But the current plight of what I have been looking for is that my inability to get what I hope to get - and I know some of my friends have got good jobs - in CAAS, and the intelligence arm of Mindef for example... does highlight again the essence of one problem - Government service and the elitism debate.

It's one thing studying it - but another experiencing it.

I never fully understood what Prof Jon Quah meant when he taught it until I fully realise it today...

But first of all, I apologise to everyone for bearing with my grouses this week...and so very thankful that I am alive and well today.

But elitism has stung me especially bad - I know I have been heavily criticised of playing the issue of '2nd upper and non 2nd upper' issue - and since I belong to the latter, the sad factof Singapore's society is that you have to scrim for whatever advantage you have.

Just disgusted when I looked at KeppelLog - their MA scheme only called for '2nd upper and above' graduates. Same for other government ministries. And this is spreading to the private sector as well - look at the banks for example.

What that means is that the majority of non-outstanding students have to fight for whatever remaining 'ok' jobs there are on the market - and they are in the minority. What happens then - the utter discontent of an intellectual population who slogged their lives to seek a good job and end up with eggs on their faces. An article that I read on the Straits Times the day before made this point - 'Kiasuism to the max' as it is. This feeling is already getting down to JC students, and even secondary school kids as well.

What does this do to the psyche to other students, and more importantly, the coming youth generation?

'Meritocracy' - a farce! Because of it, the so-called people who can study smart and do well get good jobs and soar above everyone else. They become increasingly arrogant, sheltered, self-centred. Because they will never get to know what it means to to encounter an obstacle - like having to work through your whole life and not getting anything.

Do less academically capable people like me unfit to make big decisions for companies, firms or even the nation!

I SAY NOT!

So now I am condemning a lot of people - lecturers who are elitist and group people as high calibre and low calibre people - sadly one of my lecturers who I respected in the past does that; friends who have good academic results and have good jobs being insensitive to the concerns of the rest - again, I am very sad that I have friends who feel that way; and elites who always profess that what they are doing is for the very good of the nation...'whose good' you wonder?

I should not be grousing about this because I may be working in the public sector in some capacity - but as a fellow man on the street - or 'an ant of the masses' as I will like to call myself, how will my aims and dreams be realised in what I always feel as a 'suffocating' society like Singapore? Too bad I am not that capable of going overseas although I am looking into that option and see how I can fit in.

An NUS slogan I saw said 'You are just another statistic. But you will not be when you joiN'US.' I think it is worded that way - but the point is this:

I feel sad at the way majority of us who are not doing academically well enough just make up another statistic for studying in a 'worldwide famous' university such as NUS. And that also applies for NTU and SMU.

Go figure.

Issues to mull over

2008-03-08T12:00:00.004+08:00

Thinking over a few issues as the countdown to the end of my last semester approaches - I don't really know whether I should be happy or sad over it...

Firstly, kudos to Hock, Shawn and Daniel for initiating the PS hons break over the mid term break - although only 8 of us came, there was still a lot of joy and laughter all the same - this was one good occassion where we managed to take swipes at some of the personalities that we like and dislike - lecturers and fellow friends... But it's all in the name of fun - and seemingly so it was a good break.

Secondly, the PS honours dinner was cancelled by the department as Harris told it to me at the start of last week. I was disgusted by the department's attitude and asked him if an alternative venue was possible. It was something that most of the cohort who knew about it were ok with - in fact some of the more quiet guys were looking forward to it. Well, at the end of the day, it was resurrected - all thanks to Harris =D, but the only thing is that the venue's changed to an informal one - but I will take it all the same =)

For all who like me are PS majors, you are invited to the dinner (in case you do not know) at:

Seoul Garden, Marina Square, 1/4/2008, 7pm.

Just let me know if you cannot contact Harris - you can find him on the school's email add or look for him thru my profile in facebook haha.

Finally, as the work intensifies, I am torn between the concentration to do good research papers and the need to look for work. It's worrying on both fronts - but the best thing I can only do is to try pushing and see where I end up. Sigh...but I will look at all avenues and see what happens. And all the best to the rest of you who are handling both crazy things like I do.

Lastly, non-personal related, but hopefully Liverpool FC can keep going on its good form - Premiership and Champions League...and the LA Lakers get the top seed in the playoffs...and..hmm...England try to resurrect their rugby fortunes in the 6 nations.

And finally, I am thinking of planning for a trip - either as a grad trip or a working holiday trip in December. Will post more details on this soon as I continue my thoughts about this.

=)

Chinese New Year - and a sombre perspective into things

2008-02-11T22:22:00.000+08:00

Some time has passed - and indeed the arrival of the year of the rat has come - rats!

This is a particularly sombre new year that I have had had - for a few reasons...

1) Firstly, for the very first time, my reunion dinner was actually held at home - not in my ancestral home back at Malaysia this time round. It was a good experience, and this actually put reality to me that future dinners might be held this way - and I have to get accustomed to this feeling.

2) Secondly - and as a result of that - my family went back to on Chinese New Year's Day itself. This was not a good time to go in as we discover because not only was the Second Link jammed with cars (which we expected) - but that the North-South Highway was filled with cars as well. Great Gosh! As my dad drove - the car was in like a start-stop manner which could not even go above 100km/h. This really hit hard on me on whether I should buy a car especially after I got a licence recently. Perhaps not now.

3) Thirdly - the mood was somewhat sullen. Amidst the comforting news that I finally managed to meet some of my cousins whose mum had estranged their family from the annual celebrations for the past 2 years - and I was really glad to meet them again, the other news that one of my relatives is experiencing personaly problems which definitely dragged the whole extended family down totally poured cold water on the mood itself. I found myself having to keep up the positive mood and supposed happiness of the new year - but it is extremely difficult since the whole extended family is not quite in the mood to celebrate especially with something like this.

4) Lastly, I think it's just me - but I happen to think and reflect on things that have happened the past few weeks. Jobs wise, studies and graduation, friends...and of course other things to think about as well. Contrary to the enjoyment of the new year that I saw that some of my friends enjoyed this year with the visits and all, I can only say that this is a very sombre chinese new year if not anything else...

In any case, be it a blessing or an irony, ths week is also Valentine's Day week - and here's to wishing all a happy V-day =) (Doesn't matter if you are single or attached - the love of V-day is to be appreciated by all...)

Reflections on 2007...and first happenings in 2008

2008-01-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

I think it is a little tough to cap up 2007 especially when it was one which I would largely want to forget...but here it is, 15 days after 2008 formally started:

1) Forgettable academic results throughout 2007 itself...this includes a very rough ride at the beginning and the end of 2007 itself for various reasons that are a bit too long to mention - to put it short, for personal and non-personal reasons. Whatever it is though, I just want to do well in this one remaining semester to prove to myself that I can still do well at this level.

2) New friendships! This is one problematic area which I did not address in 2006 well enough - and the comforting thing is that I have made new friends and tried to stick with them as much as I can - I cannot say how long this can go, but this is a start. Catching up with old pals was another priority that I stuck to - seriously in work, there will be little time to make new friends. The ones you already have will be your true friends you will most probably hang out with. I learnt that the hard way - work and friends do not mix together.

3) Romance - a failure this time round. I was interested in someone whom I worked with, but the only consolation was that I did not formally try to pursue her as a matter of fact. I informally knew through one of her closest friends that she had already set her heart for someone else - so...while I knew I was not the one, the comforting thing was that I did not get formally rejected due to the fact that I was a little worried about chasing her in the first place...Still, this is a regret and I will not attempt to mask it. Well, I sincerely wish her all the best in searching for a new happiness...

4) Probably the one positive event that turned out for me in my life in 2007 is SMUN 2007. Also known as the SIngapore Model United Nations 2007 Conference - I am extremely happy that it worked out despite the odds. There were a lot of people especially naysayers who poured cold water, scorn and whatever it took to bring it down - in fact I know these people and I was personally very saddened by it (one of them happens to be working in an intelliegence department in MINDEF - that of which I will say no more since that person had already graduated when SMUN 2007 came into being). Nonetheless, I am deeply thankful for everyone who stuck by my stubborness and persistence in making it happen, and the numbers that turned out made it probably the largest academic conference organised by a CCA in its own right. SMUN 2007 served to tell me one important lesson - though I had to climb up various obstacles several times, I can tell myself that I do have the steel for anything - and anything that I want to do and am given the chance to do it.

Ok, that's for a quick roundup of 2007...

To mark the start of 2008 was the informal cohort gathering among PS majors. Have been working on it with Shawn and it was a tremendous success. Both of us were only expecting like 30 odd on last count but the overall turnout of 45 of us which was half of the cohort was far larger than we had envisioned. The only downside was the food due to the fact that we acted conservatively - but the key thing was that everyone enjoyed themselves - but I apologise to Kelvin (here, for the record) for allowing him to have a little bit too much to drink.

Still, I thank everyone who came down for the gathering - it was just a bang and a good way to usher in the new semester in a good mood..

Then again which leads me to the very last issue on the agenda which is CORS - some of you may know what that is. I am personally very angered and frustrated that the department has placed a very ridiculous limit on the number of students per module on the very unrealistic assumptions on us doing theses and ISMs. And what has worsened this is that the department itself did not restrict anyone else other than us honours students in taking the modules - 3rd year students are just now flooding into various modules that has exacerbated the situation. Case example - for a particular honours module, there are 9 Year 3 students taking it! No offence to my juniors, but my perception is that some of them just want to take and 'see see'.

Well, if they want to 'see see', than most probably I will do my very best to make sure they will end up with a 'bloody nose' - and the department is at fault with that, 101%. I myself and other honours students who are trying to get into various modules which are oversuscribed are truly frustrated with this.

It looks like this semester may not be as smooth sailing as I thought.

Resolutions...for 2008

2007-12-31T18:38:00.000+08:00

After what can be said to be a very rocky (and in my preception not smooth) year in 2007, I was forced to reflect, despair and come up with new realisations and new ideas which hopefully can bring me into 2008.

Not a lot of resolutions this time, but just 3 of them:

1) Good results, and a good job

2) Preservation of friendships and new ones...

3) And the continual pursuit of who I seek to be the one....

Ok, that's abt it...reflections on 2007 in my next post =)

The worst day of my life

2007-12-27T02:16:00.000+08:00

Today's the worst day of my life...

Some people tell me that results don't matter - but is it true really? In Singapore that is definitely not the case - good results matter.

All hopes for me getting a good career start have died with my results that I gotten today. It's just that everything I have tried, all the expectations I set of myself which I thought I can achieve - are all in that moment...gone...

When I reflect on what one minister said about the justification of the raising of ministers' pay to attract top 'potential' ministers from our generation - I was thinking - so what happens to people such as me who can't meet these criteria? Are we destined to become cannon fodder of other top 'peoples'?

When I know that others are rejoicing over their results today, I can do nothing but to sit at one corner, think and tell myself that this is yet another wrong choice I have made.

Perhaps I should not have done Honours. I may not be cut out for it after all.

So what's the solution for me now? Good question - I have not found any.

Everything which I worked on and possible progress I have seen have become false dawns. It's become dark just when everything else seems to be bright.

The end of the tunnel? Not yet. I fear that I am stuck in this abyss which I cannot find a way out.

So what's the solution?

Determination? Courage - I don't think I have any of that left.

Suicide? - Good suggestion but a stupid idea.

Conclusion: I am lost - lost because I can't find a way out of myself.

Scary isn't it? I know some of you guys who are reading this may find this childish - but I can tell you this - do not criticise me or whatever if you have never have felt this kind of feeling before.

I have taken in a lot of flak, absorbed a lot of difficulties and tackled as best as I could - but this is one too much for me.

To my friends...if you have any suggestions which you can help, I thank you. Otherwise - please do not rub it in.

The very least you can do is to leave me alone.

...

...

...

This indeed will be the worst countdown and transition to the new year that I have ever known.

Greetings...and it's been a long while coming

2007-12-03T20:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a long while since I posted something here...and I duly should.

First of all, apologies as the whole semester is ruining me already - physically and mentally. I just can't understand what's the point of creativity, clarity and freedom of expression when ultimately it's going to get marked down by lecturers because they already have their own opinions about things?

I am just very pissed at one such research assignment...sighz...

By the way, welcome to you if this is the first time you come into here due to the increased publicity I have given to this reclusive side of myself - I do treasure my privacy haha...

Ok, in the midst of exams, I only want to say that I am not having a good time out here - after suffering from 'paper nukes' and 'lightning strikes' and 'mines' and etc... So I just want to get this done over with - and then look to get my job next sem. I guess that's the best way out as it seems to be that I am not really cut out for any more studying anymore. It's been one hell of a semester and it's wiping me out.

For those of you who are still having papers, like me, good luck to you all...As for the rest, enjoy the duly deserved 1 month break...

I will see what lies in store for me - but after this paper my driving test - yup you heard it - is due exactly due 8 days from now to Next Wednesday - will update more on that soon =)

Otherwise, all the best guys, and I hope to catch up with you guys soon...

Now back to my last paper...and continued mugging.

A pivotal moment of reflection

2007-09-10T11:55:00.001+08:00

To think about a few things...since the last time I posted here...

Actually, this is the second time I have written this while doing stuff in school while the school desktop is running....a good use of time perhaps :)

Ok, now back to what I am thinking about...and it's a lot of things...

Probably I should start by talking about the run up and the start to my final year on campus - Honours Year 2007/2008. It is not one that I am looking forward to, frankly speaking - probably because I know of the expectations, workload, and time management that I am expected to have in order to maintain good participation - not that I am very good at it - but to tell the truth, I am starting to appreciate the time I have by just reading my notes as and when I need to although I am still doing catch up work more than anything else.

Right now though I just got 'whacked' by AC - I was asked to come up with a probable reference point of analysis - so now I am now thinking of a decent, not, good, way to look at Liddell Hart and Fuller and comparing against Clausewitz - so much for the study of war when I am inherently a Machiavellian. And to make things worse, presentations and assignments are now piling up - so good luck to me then.

But as things pile up, I have a lot of things to look up to...so it's game on then...

Ok, now then to other non books stuff which will occupy the remaining bulk of my entry.

First things first, the issue of Arts Club. Although Rag ended exactly one month ago, I can only say that as I see and helped the float to its performance one more time, I asked myself again what made me help for one last time - for rag. Then I realised when I did this one cheer with only 3 other raggers on that day, namely Hock, Jianwu and Gerri, then I found out the real answer:

Friendships, mentorships, spiritual healing, and a lot more...

In a way, rag revitalised myself and set me in the right tone for studying perhaps - that's because I needed some inspiration - and the inspiration that rag has brought - from nothing to something brilliant - keeps me going.

Also pivotal was the very fact that this is the fourth float I have seen - and 3 batches of Juniors....probably I need to recall the juniors that I have met and have since led rag in succeeding years...

2004/2005 - myself, Jianwu, Fiona, Song Kwang, Gerri, Hock, Wan Tsin... and Aaron, Shawn, Jasmine, Candy, June (as seniors)

2005/2006 - Lionel, Reuben, Jennifer, Denise, Stacey, Wenhui, Yuen Mei, Aya... and Paul (actually a senior as well)

2006/2007 - Nicholas, Xinyu, Jeremy, Bryan, Applie, Sham, Kenneth, Serene...

2008/2009 - (Hopefully....) Hanjing, Kevin, Ellen, Sarah, Bernice, Alvin Tan, Sabrina....

I can see that some have the potential to bring it far especially the current batch of juniors - and Rag will be in good hands with all of you around...thanks for the memories...

Always raggerfied. :)

.......

Now then, back to the issue of SMUN and the issue of SMUN 2008 - the search for my successor and the succeeding secretariat - a few of us took a lot of time to come up with the printing of the SMUN Charter, and guess what? Lo and behold, we have a new com!

But before I carry on, I need to say something about the selection of the secretariat itself.

I guess some of you who are in SMUN 2007 will know my blog, and I will just want to make things clear - the selection of the secretariat is done in the best way possible of a panel selection of independent and experience people in the MUN concept that embrace and love MUN the way I do. And yes, some of you have lost out big time, and hence I understand the angst and pain and sometimes what some of you feel as emotional betrayal or blackmail, I only can say that decisions made are always painful and I do not want to make them along with the rest of the panel because of the consequences of them. One way or another, someone is going to lose out and we emphathise your condition. However, I dearly hope that you will still remain and help SMUN 2008 in every other way that you can - by doing that you are as great as everyone else who is in SMUN 2008 organising committee itself.

Also as a note to the secretariat of SMUN 2008 - congratulations on your appointment - as the advisory board that consists of the '5 elders' and I am one of them (haha) took pains to create it, I hope you all will try to take them into good faith =)

But what this means for me personally is that the SMUN odyssey for me has ended - at least as a Secretary-General. And I want to say again how thankful I am for everyone's support through this very tiring but also extremely challenging one year that I had spent - truly now I can say that I have what it takes to step up to the next level when I need to.

That's all for the moment...I will carry on posting soon enough about other things...but now, back to rushing readings for my lecture later at 2...sigh

Arts Camp 2007 - end of things?

2007-06-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

Been quite some time since I last blogged here - Just came back home after a very hectic Arts Camp 2007.

A 4 day 3 night event which ended this afternoon.

Anyway, that's not the point.

The issue of today's post came as I finally reached home after cabbing with one of my freshies and a councillor after camp ended around 3pm. As the 3 of us talked on the way back, I was asked about how I felt now that my last Arts Camp was over.

I almost broke down when I was asked that question.

3 years of Arts Camp - 2004, 2005, 2007. 3 different experiences - freshman, organising com member, councillor. Every camp I am involved in brings different recollections and feelings. 2007 is no exception.

I started thinking about various aspects of Arts Camp through the last 3 years I attended, and the various elements that make it up - PDs, com members, councillors, OGLs, freshies....

From Rudy to Hock to Jeremy,

From Reynard and Debbie to Chonghan, Charmaine to Shuning, Michelle,

From Gladius to Remus to Askari,

From Aaron to Tim and Yaozhong to Xinyu,

From Junhao to Paul to John,

From PGP to EH,

From Jasper to Haoran to Kenneth

And a lot more....

Arts Camp is a special element in the case that it is no ordinary camp.

As I look at various photos and acknowledgement writings...memories flooded back to my brain...I saw myself in all 3 camps all the same time. There were good and bad experiences for all 3 camps, but there is one commanilty all 3 will have:

People. Friendships

Without my OG, I would not have survived any of the 3 camps. I salue to all my previous OGs for making it a better and more exciting arts camp for all 3 years. Without these 2 words, as Joshua mentioned in today's video, it would be impossible to enjoy arts camp.

..That's from me for now :)

SMUN 2007 - What happened, and reflections

2007-06-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

I like to just comment a few things on the event that defined my whole year in standing:

Singapore Model United Nations 2007.

As I know there will be quite a few people who have been wanting to see it fail, I can proudly say this - SMUN 2007 succeeded, not failed!

There were a few problems that occured - administrative wise, academic coms wise. But I will like to state once again that all these problems were managed to be resolved because of the will of 36 com members like myself who wanted to help each other solve these problems.

Still, I will like to apologise for the fact that I lost control of myself during the debrief of the 2nd day, which I said some things which i should not have said. That I apologise, because I did not control 10 months of stress well enough.

But the faces of all the students at the end of it, when I spoke to them at the closing ceremony, shows that what I have done, together with the rest of the students, was totally worth it - no less.

For that, I know that I have given a good account of myself for the whole year.

For the doomsayers who decreed it to fail - all of you know who you are - be gone because I do not want to be associated with losers like you.

For those who slogged it out, and tolerated my tantrums once in a while, I sincerely thank you from deep down my heart for everything that all of you have done. As I mentioned, SMUN 2007's greatest success was that it was achieved as a team effort - not like last year where some com members decided to fight for their own interests - but this one was truly a united effort.

At the end of the day, whatever the mistakes and problems, the achievements of SMUN 2007 cannot be ignored.

SMUN 2007 has set a benchmark which other coms will find it difficult to reach, not even to excel.

Because this was achieved with the hearts of each and every one of us.

For that, SMUN 2007 - Singapore Model United Nations 2007 Conference, will always remain with me for the rest of my life.

A quick but important one...the ONE special day :D

2007-04-26T18:36:00.000+08:00

Considering that I have not posted here for a long time...sincere apologies if you were wondering what happened...

I can only say that it was a super eventful two months until the exams, but I will try to fill in here by next Monday evening - that is when the exams end.

For me, the exams already started thanks to my exchange university who started real early - compromised my assignments and all - but I realised that it's about what I take away from this experience that matters most.

The reason to why I suddenly post this one is because...today's my special day again - oh well...I am older by one more year, and reaching what some will term as a 'quater life crisis' - I will not try to think about that...

To round off because I have my first paper here tomorrow, here's my top few birthday wishes for this year:

- To have good results at least not to jeopardise my future career
- To realise my dream of achieving my own conference - it's been my one major goal besides books
- To consolidate the tremendous new friendships I have built up all this while
- Of course, since I split up with the 'one special gal' in my life, I hope that I can get interest from the next coming lady whom I must admit I have very strong interest in - one reason being that she has a lot of character than the 'special gal' whom I thought she would have
- And lastly, peace and good health to my family, relatives and all my friends who matter to me.

All hail a propserous year ahead for me

:)

And all the best to those of you taking the exams as well...

Valentine's Day and Remembrance: Remebering Jolene

2007-02-14T20:26:00.000+08:00

Just come to write a short post on something that touches my heart...

Valentine's Day - 14/2 every year is supposed to be a happy day - where couples get hitched and express their love for one another for all eternity (or so much of the crap - because I am not attached yet)

But today, this post is not to commemorate the spirit of V-Day, rather, it is used here to commemorate the spirit of one fellow contemporary and PS Major, like me, but died very unfortunately at the tender age of 21.

Jolene Tan Jie Yi (1985-2007)

A person with immense fighting spirit, a young girl with a lot of willpower to presevere on her life even as she knew that her days and life were permanently twisted out of her hands as she cannot live her life and enjoy it like most of of us...

As I heard from my friends, she had an operation 3 years ago because her condition took a turn for the worse - and that was the last major operation before she passed away. She would have known about her own condition - and she might also have known that she might not have much longer to live back then.

But Jolene did not despair. She presevered on. Every time of the day she spent time as well as she could, even as it meant that she slowly walked to lectures and classes with her friends following her every step, every move...she kept up to pace with the lessons she did. I can remember seeing her with her bright radiant smile as I took a module with her last semester. I cannot come to terms with the fact that behind her laughter and bright smile, that this very pretty and feisty gal had deep troubles that vert few will even muster the courage to meet it head on. Not me definitely.

I cannot say much since I am not one of her close friends. But what I can tell you is that after learning of what she has done through my friends who know her well makes me give her a lot of respect, my personal admiration. Because she never gave up. Because she never stopped in achieving what she wanted to do - to continue in the pursuit of learning, the fulfilment of her dreams.

One of my friends told me that we should not weep for her, but rather celebrate for her. Celebrate the life of hers because she has lived it to the max. Because she has lived it to the fullest. For that we will not weep, but we will say - Thank you, Jolene.

Thank you for showing us what it means to enjoy life to the fullest, and striving to achieve our dreams in all adversity.

Jolene, deep down in my heart, I salute you, and may the Gods bless you wherever you may be.

I hope that all of you, when you read this post, will pause to think and reflect about yourself. I am not perfect, and I realise how small I am compared to her. I will definitely revise my actions and be more accomodating in the pursuit of my dreams to achieve the very best in spite of all adversity.

I hope all of you embrace Jolene's spirit as well and use her as a role model in achieving our dreams in the right spirit and mentality - living life to the fullest.

Happy and Sad moments

2007-02-08T21:06:00.000+08:00

As I learn today that as a famous Taiwanese actress was being cremated after dying young because of an accident...it struck me hard on one important moral of the story:

Life's short, treasure it and that means do the things that you need to do and make you happy. Because when death does come to you, you should not regret anything - really.

I apologise for that it is a very pessimistic comment, but this always rings true. Why is that friends always say a lot of times that their loved ones always regret on their deathbeds? I do not want that to happen to me when it is my time - goodness, so pessimistic already before I even reach my 1/4 of life...sighz

Good news first this time - Liverpool did beat Chelsea last time round -yeah! Finally, every dog has its day, and the hoodoo that Liverpool can never beat Chelsea when Mourinho is in charge is debunked...ole! That itself is a big cause of celebration. What this means is that hopefully they are much closer to grabbing their title which is long, long overdue.

However, there are more bad news to comment, but I will just save this space for this one. Important enough because this breaks my heart but I will not regret - that is what I know.

To my special one, I have told you 2 weekends ago that I cannot be with you any longer, and this post in which you will read by now, is confirmation of that very fact. As it hurts me to say this, however much you like me, I cannot bring myself to absorb the fact that you are not willing to consider any of the suggestions that I have given you to make your life better. All that I can only see is that you are making excuses, all of them - and you are still what you are in square one, distrusting every single guy who comes close to you. I have tolerated you very deeply because I like you for who you are, but I suppose this is the last straw because you have not changed one bit for the better. As for me, I learn now that I must find my happiness with someone else, and sad to say, I do not think that you are the one for me...Perhaps others will scold me for being selfish for leaving you just like that, but I do what I must do. We can at most be close friends, but never a couple. I bless you in finding a way out of your misery which sad to say, I don't think I can be your solution to your woes. I am not worthy to continue this relationship...so...I hope this makes you think over, because at the end of the day, you must help yourself - otherwise you cannot get others to love you if you cannot learn to love yourself...take care...

For the rest who read this, please do not ask me further about this...this is the end of the 2 of us, as it shall be, will be and...forever...be....

More of the same, and some more worries?

2007-01-20T11:40:00.000+08:00

Things have been moving for me (as they will always be) since the last time I posted here, and there are again new developments...in all forms..

Just had dinner with a group of people who are going to Harvard just like me...you can call it the next batch after mine which is officially the 'guinea pig' batch. Good thing that we sorted out a few of their problems, and they have a chance to talk about anything else other than work and books, although the situation was partly disrupted with my emphasis on training for them and we needing to get all in shape for the trip and conference. But otherwise, I thought it was a good attempt to get everyone moving. Just have to see how it goes then.

Books wise, it's getting a lot more stressful here. Having to sort out a topic for research, and then working on it so fast that I literally have no time to waste for myself really - but well, it's all about getting up to speed...so here goes then. Plus I have another 3 such assignments, and 2 projects, 2 fieldtrips and the like...so it will be a lot of runing around between home campus and the 'other side' again and again...must survive this though.

As for work wise, now the machine starts to roll...let's hope I get a favouravble response good enough to keep this going - the moral of my post: yup, it is to keep it going. So much for the bicycle theory but then again it applies - when you stop after moving so long, the inertia to move becomes so huge because more likely you do not wish to get moving again because you do not know how long this goes. I know that applies for me, so I will keep pushing - but prevent myself from collapsing at the same time.

To my special one...do not worry about me even as you look though it, because I am still doing ok. The fact that I am still typing means that I am able to keep things going between us...do relax once in a while because of your work too - you can do it! :D

One final thing - I cannot avoid this as a soccer fan, I hope for 2 things to happen:

Liverpool to finally defeat Chelsea today, and the Red Devils to thrash the hell out of Arsenal - Arsenal no more, now 'Arse' as I called them. Why? Well...you cannot ask any diehard Anfield fan like me to forget the debacle of 2007...so long live the Reds of North Britain!

More from me next post...

New things

2007-01-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

2007...a world of new things...

First of all, I started class early, and when I told the guys that I was not from SMU in my one lesson this week, what I got was weird and rude stares in my direction. Hmm...so much for the 'welcome' that I was anticipating. Anyway, further talking and conversations with some of the new found friends that I made in my class led me to conclude that life's not as good as what I think of it to be at SMU. Or really? That itself is a very subjective question, but one which I will not think of it as I try to achieve my one aim there: study, have fun, and pass my modules there with flying colours.

Ok, as school back in campus for me formally starts next week, I have another new thing to think about first - a challenging module that I have not done at this level, more so because I am not every much familiar in the school of PS that I have been exposed and familiar with. But then again, if I don't do it, I will only be much more paralysed when I start to really tackle it 7 more times next year. So it's not all that bad, as this training will put me in good stead. It will also be the first time for me to discover if I have what it really takes to develop my thinking at a higher and a more demanding level.

That's all for now..going to prepare stuff for my crunch - yeah, crunch meeting soon enough tomorrow. Just hope that things get better.

It's now or never for me.

Highs and Lows of 2006, Confessions, and New Year's Resolutions for 2007

2006-12-31T21:38:00.000+08:00

As I have promised, this post is to round up my own moments of 2006...and also reflect on the mistakes I have made, and then work on resolutions for 2007... Just about less than 3 hours to 1/1/2007..hmm...have to get it quick...here goes:

Moments of 2006

There aren't a lot of momentous events for 2006...but here are what I think are the ones I will not forget myself... 1. To take the bill, it definitely has to be Harvard National Model United Nations Conference 2006 - all of it. I learnt a lot of things both internally and externally during the trip itself. As I have gotten to know my friends better because of the moments we had together as a group (both good and bad), I have also learnt the mentalities of students and undergrads of different nationalities - I learnt that there is a significant bunch of American students who are definitely self-centred, while I am impressed by students from Latin America, especially from Chile, Bolivia, and Brazil.

2. Singapore Model United Nations Conference 2006 - Memorable because of the fact that despite the many problems, I can openly declare myself proud of being part of an organising committee that has borken through in terms of doing what PS Society cannot achieve. This is part of the reason, together with the problems in mind that I have come back to do it one more time.

3. Knowing the secret special one that I have known I have found after a long, long time. To my dear, I can only say this - Although we have known each other for a year and a half, I just feel that whenever we are together, we always get to know and learn more about each other...May the romance and merriness last among us for the comng years and beyond...

4. Finding a crucial group of friends that helped me to pull though 2006. Credit to this has to go to several people, guys and gals whom I have known in and outside of CCA work and otherwise. I thank all of you for helping me pull through this difficult year, especially so when my results have not gone well and me losing my own motivation.

Moments to regret in 2006

I admit that there are also a few things to regret, and I am normally not one who tends to regret anything...but here are my top 3. Again, I will not list names because these people know who they are, save for one who I owe a deep apology, but they should know that they are at fault for all of it.

1. SMUN 2006 - I regret and formally apologise to Theresa for what I mentioned in a post a few months earlier about the criticism of her leadership. Not that my comments were unfounded, but rather the timing of it was so wrong that it damaged her morale as a leader and undermined the conference itself. As much as I wanted to defend those who slogged it out like I did, I forgot that the fabric of unity in SMUN 2006 could be easily torn by a few words, and that's what mine did. Theresa, if you read this, I am formally sorry. It is hard when you do express your interest and once again help out the way you did this time last year, and I can only say that I thank you from deep down my heart for your sacrifice and committment. May we becoming long lasting true friends!

2. Recognition and failure to know of a few characters in my new work environment until August 2006 who used me because of my nature that I do not want to undermine people and hence take advantage to advance their own interests. It has been done, and to who reads this message and knows who they are, I only have this for you:

I am not raking up old scores here, I am only reminding myself that there is a reason why I make friends and work with you guys, because I know there will be some more people like you in the future wherever I go. I will not curse you but I will say, good luck for what you are doing. As for your characters, watch your back. Never think you are the best or you have everything because trust me, karma will come to all of us. Life's a cycle - what you reap, you will sow.

3. Rag 2006 - I hate very much to say this, because I come to realise that the real reason to why I did rag all this while was not why I wanted to do it for 3 years in a row. This one is one that I myself will want to forget. Lionel, Yuimin, Fiona and the rest, it hurts me to say this, but as I told Lionel - we paid a heavy price for this Rag. We never really came to terms of combining the human element with the professionalism needed to achieve a winning float. Rag wins when we have the best of both worlds - we had one, but not the other. As a result, I do not know what will happen to next year's float - but for certain, Rag needs to find a solution to a winning float.

As of course, I have my own confessions to make:

First, of course which is the apology to Theresa.

Second, my confession that I have neglected a few of my friends throughout this year because of work matters. Here and then, I have neglected them because of a lack of time and possibly effort to talk to them, and so I promise that I will work on it.

Third, spending more time with my family. Due to CCA stuff I have not spent enough time with my family, and given the conservativeness of my family, and my belief in it, I confess that I am at fault for not doing it. Therefore, I must work on it...but more depends on me finding the balance between school stuff, books, friends and family. It is a struggle, but I will try to do that as much as I can.

Fourth, not enough time for myself. I suppose no better thing can express this better than me falling sick more often than not this year (in fact, I am down again as I type this now). That is a reflection that I need to spend time with myself, relax and regroup. I cannot afford to be on full steam all the time...sooner or later it will drive me mad I suppose.

Resolutions for 2007

As always, the higlight for the last post every year, and for everybody, I need to list down my resolutions for the coming year. No priority for these 10, but they are the ones I see as most important over everything else.

1. SMUN 2007

2. Improved results academic wise

3. Spending more time with family, friends

4. More personal breaks here and then

5. Spending time with my dear, special one... :P

6. Pass a driving test - a must

7. Time management improvement

8. Knowing more friends...

9. Fulfilling and achieving my objectives and obligations without getting burnt out.

10. Ensure a next group of people ready to do the business for future SMUNs, and Rag.

Ok, that's finally all from me...to sign off, I am adding 2 more pictures of myself in an unforgettable trip to HNMUN 2006, which I can never forget....enjoy!

This one is of me standing on snow in Boston Common Garden, just opposite the hotel that I was staying in for HNMUN itself. I think I cannot forget this as I cannot imagine myself being able to see and play with snow...for a long, long time, yet.

This one is of me standing outside UN General Headquarters in New York itself. Cannot forget this moment as well because I cannot see myself standing outside the international governing body this close, never mind the criticisms from various academics and whatsover. Trust me, the world will be a worse place without it.

Happy New Year 2007 everybody, and hope to see you guys around soon and more often!

Results...hmmph

2006-12-29T09:03:00.000+08:00

There is not much to say for results, except that they reflect my worst semester ever on campus.

But I will keep fighting on still, and try to make the best out of the curren situation.

Meanwhile, my 'exchange' is done, and I do look forward to spending some time at SMU...it will be a hell of a time shuttling back from school to SMU and back..but oh well, it cannot be helped. Trying to resolve the administrative problems at this point of time.

As I then start to question myself what are the current priorities that I have to handle...just a list of them all...

- Books - NUS to SMU and back
- SMUN
- School Administrative matters
- Family
- Friends
- (and the rest of it)

And of course not forgetting, my special gal...

Have a happy new year 2007 babe...trying to load up my most recent photo (I look particularly haggard and tired), but I will load it up here in a while. Meanwhile, nice to see you back from the Aussieland, and hopefully this trip gives you more energy and motivation for the coming year! The deal between us still stands...you know what it means :P

Ok, now of course back to work, and it seems like I have kind of a breakthrough for a few fronts...not big, but something at least I can burrow my head through now (I am thinking that I am now becoming a crazy rabbit), and am working with all to push it through.

Watch out for my new year's resolutions as they have always been...due to the fact that I will be away for the weekend, and hence be back only on Sunday afternoon for the 'countdown'...sighz...at home again...but will sure post something back then...

Await my 'special' blog then...with new resolutions and confessions...Till then, enjoy your day friends!

Banana skins

2006-12-15T11:43:00.000+08:00

Taking time off work for a while, when for no particular reason I thought of banana skins.

Bananas are delicious, but their skins make us trip. Therefore it is a hazard as well as a beneficial item to us.

It then applies for all other items. No one thing is absolutely good.

Think about this...

1. Exams - A must, but harmful because it socialises society from the minute one starts school at a young age.

2. Good Food - No one type or any dish is wholly beneficial. Even with those that are called 'healthy', there is always some substance which is unhealthy that makes it healthy, therefore weakening the body at the same time.

3. Exercise - Good, but doing too much without taking note of your limits can kill.

4. IT - Too much focus on using IT leaves out the human, social element of interaction out of all things that we do.

5. Travelling - Nice scenery, but must negotiate with $.

and a lot more...

So what's the moral of the story about the banana skin?

Do what must be needed, but sufficient enough to achieve it. Do not overdo it.

Suddenly, I think I am becoming a disciple of 'limited war'.

Hmm...

Papers And Work

2006-11-27T15:56:00.000+08:00

Exams are here once again...

I will do what I can...but I can only say that this is the hardest semester I have to go through yet...conference and books are not an easy thing to manage...but I am slowly learning the tricks...as I say before, there is a long way to go before I can be a 'normal' person once again...

Happy for my godsis now that she is attached...

For the one and only one...this one is for her...

Enjoy your break in Australia, and you dearly need the break...rest well, come back and be energised again okie? :D

As for the conference itself, it is starting to pick up pace, but then I have to control a lof of things which I did no envisage I have to handle, and have to do this as soon as the papers are over...man, I am sure going to have the busiest holidays ever.

That's all, and those of you who are having exams like me, good luck to us all!

A total failure

2006-11-09T13:57:00.000+08:00

The above 3 words can be best used to describe what kind of a person I am.

Jianwu just gave me a very harsh but startling reminder to me to whom I am.

In the sens of the word, I have been too superficial and tend to defer to others, and not to decide things myself until when it comes to the crunch that it hurts whatever decisions I make.

I have also not been willing to budge from the fact that school results and grades are not everything I need to survive. I hate myself for thinking that way, but then I ask myself, is it really my fault? Or is it the fault of the government in constructing Singapore Society, where results matter, and not passion. After all, the leaders in governments are people who have better grades, scholars and at all. Where are the masses?

I have suffered in trying to become one of the elite, and when Jianwu gave me the lecture, I discovered I have no where to hide. Nowhere. I am miserable because I am standing in a position where I am at nowhere, neither good nor bad. Just ordinary.

I have to start realising that I am my own god, and I have my own mindset. In fact, that is why I am doing SMUN now. I want to have a mind of my own, and how I want to control things the way I want it. It is a constant struggle, but now I realise how lousy and what a failure I have been.

So effectively, my life has been a 0.

0.

0.

0.

How can I revive myself and kick away the many o's that form me?

That is also why I am not good in character when I think I am.

That is also why I am too calculative, too worrisome about how others perform when I should not be.

That is also why I put myself under great stress, hoping that stress can kick away the 0's that are part of me.

I have failed.

I have.

How now?

I do not know.

A Tribute...

2006-11-02T09:32:00.000+08:00

This is a tribute to one of the 3 greatest sportsmen that I have seen in my lifetime...it is a bit late due to the assignments that I had to catch up with, but now I finally have the chance to do it, and in school..hmm..

Michael Schumacher - Special, Mercurial, Gentlemanly, Brilliant

I cannot say enough for this one special driver who woke me up and stoked my interest in racing on four wheels. My first impression in Formula 1 came, believe it or not, when I saw Aryton Senna's car crash in the walls of a particular race in 1993 (correct me if i am wrong). Then on, commentators all the world said that the most demanding racing sport had lost its most colourful and charismatic driver, and will be hard to replace.

How wrong they were. Senna was a great, but as in all sports, there will be future greats. In F1 at that time, there was such a person waiting in the wings...

Schumacher had made some F1 analysts and scouts sit up with his outstanding performance for a rather mediocre Jordan, and had just made a transition to Benetton where he already seized 3 victories in what was relatively an average car at best. Then on, the world had to take notice. A yong star was born. True to behold, I was able to see him win his 2 championships with Benetton, and then see him make his shock move for Ferrari. Ferrari were in the doldrums, and had lost all hope when its reliable drives Jean Alesi and Gerhard Berger left.

Schumacher came in and was the difference.

He had his controversial clashes with Damon Hill, Jacques Villeneuve but then one must recognise that this is the essence of the winning spirit. Absolutely do everything possible to win. Schumi's frustration must be understood from a racing capacity. He is the only drive that I know will always pull something out of the hat even when the odds throw themselves square at him. He has done it not just once, twice, but so often when at the end of the day, when he manages to do it so well, there is a term coined for this - Schumi magic.

I managed to see him win his 5 other titles with Ferrari, and that's what binded me in the sport of F1. It is an understatement to say that Schumi made me just interested in F1. Then on, I learnt 3 things from him.

Excellence, Willpower, Professionalism with humility.

The fact that he encompassed what it meant to be German - efficient and highly determined with a streak to do the impossible, and that he regularly supports welfare and support for kids with his numerous football apperances for charity matches in UNICEF, and his donation to the Tsumani disaster on the spot, says a lot about his character.

Everything said and done, I am proud to say that I am a converted Tifosi because Schumi's influence on me was special - practising of the true value of life at its very best.

Hail Michael Schumacher, the greatest driver of my generation, and possibly for all time and eternity.

Stubborness

2006-10-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

It is a sensitive word...it can mean good and bad.

I was thinking about this after a comment the day before on my previous post.

All I can say is, while I can say that I am stubborn at times, I am not totally stubborn as someone put it. If that's the case, I guess I would have been 'slaughtered' a long time ago.

While obstinacy is bad, it can also be good as well. After all, it is far better than someone who just goes with the wind, has no comments on literally anything, and just lives by the day. Because to do that gives that person no purpose in life, and makes him a bigger failure than others.

It must also be understood that in determination, a portion of that comes from the stubborness in not giving in, in not hearing hearsay, in not hearing derogatory words thrown or actions cast in your direction. It is about doing it whatever the cost because we know the ultimate good of doing it.

Nothing can be achieved if we always suit ourselves to the interests' of others. It will get us nowhere.

I believe that while I know I have angered a lot of people because of my stubborness, I do it because I know it is right. And I am vindicated as such by the events that have gone that way and my knowing that they would have gone worse if not done so. Of course, there are situations where it backfired, but I will live with it.

The only thing I can do is to remove the bad part of my stubborness, which is to be more partial. But not to remove the good part of my stubborness which is my drive to doing whatever it takes to make something good. Because that's the very basis of my willpower.

The truth that is me

2006-10-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

Indeed, the posts that I have put up for the last few days have attracted more than enough attention already...

As I know that my biggest weakness is lack of being more sensitive, understanding, and more forgiving, I am not very happy at the derogatory terms that have been thrown at me so far.

But I understand where these comments have come from, and I appreciate them coming. Because they are protective of their friends, and are entitled to do so. However, we each have different views on this matter, and that is what I want to say. I reiterate: I am willing to talk about it if anybody wants to.

For everything that I do, I carry no pretensions and do what I have set out to do.

With that I am content. And that is the way I will carry out myself in the future, no matter what others say of me.

I can only say this: I have learnt some lessons after some key moments in my life, and I will learn them as I walk on the road of life. After all, the road to being a complete person is never ending. I will continue to be honest, frank, sincere and humble. As I learnt a few days ago, I cannot please everybody, and must take everything in my stride. To accomodate everybody is to shoot myself in the foot in the end.

People who are hoping that I will close my blog because if these comments can dream on. Because to do means I am guilty. I am not guilty of any crime, and so I will not do this. I will still write the stories that are part of my life.

Interpretations and Misinterpretations

2006-10-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

As a note to the previous post, some replies must be made:

First of all, the views that are being expressed are solely of what I can see from the third point of view where I stand. Hence, as I always said that at some issues this is where I am looking at, and I thank all of you guys who have criticised me as such. As also, I admit that my view is rather inadequate of the issue at hand, and I apologise to the person whom I am indicating at for having any misunderstandings about her in the end. I got a very fair explanation from one of them who knows her well and I am convinced that my views has not given that person fair justice.

It seems that I have really misunderstood her, and if anything, it still seems that for the project concerned, she indeed had the passion to drive on. But being the cautious and apprehensive person that I am at times, I am the first to say that I was never convinced about her fully because I cannot understand her actions at times. Perhaps there is something under that, but I will leave things as it is. If I am being given the chance to know her side of the issue better, I am all ears. Otherwise, I apologise that my views have offended her, I admit that, but I still want to say that her actions since school reopened have confounded me at the very least, hence leading to my interpretations about her.

I have to say that that's the price because I am a very straightforward person as I comment on what I see, and I do not want to believe in rumours and explanations partly because I cannot see it. If I can see it, then it is very obvious to how a certain person can be interpreted.

I admit that my assessment of the person concerned is unfair because it is very narrow minded as it is just from my point of view, and to that I am at fault.

Another lesson on perception bias, but that will not stop me from being blunt still. Because being plain honest is the way I am, and I know that it will take a lot of me to be not straightforward. Something I must work on again and again...

Passion...

2006-10-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

What is passion?

Passion is something that we do because we truly have the interest for it, and we do it with only one thing: to se our dreams come true with why we started in the first place. Results do not matter, and the love of what we do and believe in sustains us through the difficult moments of what we do.

I was just thinking about it because I am pretty disgusted by some people whose actions have made me very angry and stupid. Angry because they have stepped over devoted people like us to achieve things which did not arise out of their passion; stupid because people like me have been taken for a ride by them because we have always been willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, only to be 'eaten up' by them.

One of them, is one that I had vehemently criticised in a previous post some time ago, and while I have mended fences with her, I will like to say that, for some things, I can understand. But to forgive and forget? The answer is no. For forgiving and forgetting is to deride my own moral principles and lower my integrity. No way I can do that.

The other, is one whom I always wanted to say that I was right about deciding this person, but no one chose to believe me. In an event organised where there was a gathering of seniors and freshmen, she was around and did not even want to look at us. When I did say hi to her, she gave a very nonchalant reply and walked out with her friend who was an ex committee member. It says everything I was right about her from the start. In all, this person who took over the project, so integral to everything that I saw when I started university life never had the passion AT ALL. She, like the previous person, exploited it solely to advance her political agendas. Fortunately, she did not succeed as the right team came up in strength and sent her reeling because she thought that achieving her objectives would be a piece of cake once the project was ended.

Food for thought? Sure is, and the moral of the story: Do something because you are passionate, and not because you see the material benefits of doing it. Having anything else other than that makes you a damn selfish person, and I have no room for selfish people. Period.

Stress...and its lessons from a singer

2006-09-20T23:50:00.000+08:00

Just read an article on Mavis Hee...and I feel a lot of sadness for her...

Prominent in my growing years where many of us will agree that she was the first Chinese prominent female singer after Teresa Teng's passing in 1994, she was so cheerful, and loved singing...and some of her songs were my favourites too...

But today, the merciless nature of the music industry has forced older singers who still have their forte and style but not relevant for the masses out...Singapore is no exception.

As I grew up, there was Mavis Hee and Kit Chan, then came Tanya Chua...now we have A-do, Stefanie Sun, and JJ Lin.

The aftermath of this has led to Mavis suffering and it is a big blow for anyone who has to come to terms with a sudden drop if your future would be blighted by circumstances such as this.

As a music lover, I really hope to see Mavis Hee come back to the singing stage again. For she can do if she believes. And in my opinion, the whole nation will be behind her when she makes her comeback soon.

If you do not know Singapore music that well, at least this provides a short commentary in the scene of the 1990s...anyway, I am lending my voice to the many fans who want Mavis back. After all, they are like me, hearing her music while growing up.

To end it off, here is her latest song to date, "Ming Zhi Dao". A very soothing though sad song which talks about the irony of love: something which is painful but will always stay in our hearts.

A song for all couples, especially the newly inaugurated pair which is just a few days old...you know whom I am talking about...all the best to you and her...

曲名：明知道歌手：许美静专辑：铁窗

我想算了吧不如就这样地分手
我的心在痛对你的爱太浓
是否你能带走过去的承诺不再对你奢求什么
只想让你懂转过身就不能回头
已经做決定又何必再强留
选择了离开我还能说什么爱使你爱使我迷惑
明知道爱你不会有结果为何还如此执着
为你付出所有你竟不顾一切就走
明知道爱你只是继续错为何还如此脆弱
已经习惯有你已经不能将你摆脱

也许当一场梦梦醒一切都随风

People Management

2006-09-14T18:44:00.000+08:00

Something about what I learnt today:

It is called perception bias. It is very funny, because after what I have realised after today's tutorial, then I start to ask myself whether I am committing the same kind of mistakes.

I always tell myself that when I treat people, I must givem them the due benefit of doubt and treat them with all sincerity. And so far I think I have. But I can dare say that all of us commit some sort of perception bias here and there when we judge people, i.e., who is good, who is bad, who is cunning, who plays a political game always, etc. I am not saying that our judgements are wrong, but what I am saying is that we should be fair to all people when we assess each other. And be fair too in receiving criticisms from third party observers because they can see best from where we sometimes cannot even see from.

The moral of the story: Be sincere. Be truthful. Be professional. Be loyal. And lastly, have no agendas when you want to make friends. You make friends because you truly want them to be your companions along the road that is your life.

In a way, this is a censure to all political animals. They will all get their desserts.

New updates...new problems...and possibly my final word on the place where I started from

2006-09-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

A new challenge, new problems...

The conference itself is not easy at all...but there already a few problems that I must overcome...

I can only say that it is a challenge to myself because it forces myself to organise my thoughts and manage my time so that I have time for everything and anything...nothing compared to real life work, but vitally important for me to step up to get used to work pressures that can be at least ten times as killing...

Ok, back to the troubles...I suppose with troubles comes challenges, and challenges make us better people because we must face it.

So I now formally congratulate the 27th Management Committee of the NUS Students' Arts and Social Sciences Club:

- Reuben and Lionel as President and Vice President,
- Chuan Seng for a hard won win as Hon Gen Sec,
- Jeremy as Treasurer,
- Nicholas as Welfare, and Xinyu as his deputy
- Joshua as my 'grandson' - Publications, and Jackson as his deputy,
- James as Marketing Cell Head,
- Michelle as FOP Chairperson,
- Amanda as Sports, and Kenneth as her deputy,
- Camy as Publicity,
- Shuning as Charity,
- Camy as Publicity,
- Tyler as Business,
- and James as Marketing.

Friends and all, the 27th MC.

Just want to make the point that this is probably the very last post that will mention the Arts Club by name...and I have decided that my efforts and attention need me elsewhere now...the time has come for me to do what I must do.

The remaining efforts for me now are properly diverted to 3 issues:
- Handover of my job scope to my successor,
- Settling into my job and sorting all the problems as SMUN 2007 Sec-Gen
- Books and results to go up.

A special message:

To my loved one...we sure have a fun and wonderful time the days before...I hope we can keep it up ok? May the bond and love between us stay and last for as long as it can be...

A song of dedication for all love romantics, and of course that includes me... :P

珊瑚海歌手：周杰伦专辑：十一月的萧邦
(Jay) 海平面远方开始阴霾悲伤要怎么平静纯白我的脸上始终挟带一抹浅浅的无奈
(Lara) 你用唇语说你要离开 (心不在)
(合) 那难过无声慢了下来汹涌潮水你听明白不是浪而是泪海
(合) 转身离开 (你有话说不出来) 分手说不出来海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外我们的爱 (给的爱) 差异一直存在 (回不来) 风中尘埃 (等待) 竟累计成伤害
(合) 转身离开 (分手说不出来) 分手说不出来蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白当初彼此 (你我都) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该) 热情不再 (你的) 笑容勉强不来爱深埋珊瑚海
(Jay) 毁坏的沙雕如何重来有裂痕的爱怎么重盖只是一切结束太快你说你无法释怀
(Lara) 贝壳里隐藏什么期待 (等花儿开)
(合) 我们也已经无心再猜面向海风咸咸的爱尝不出还有未来
(合) 转身离开 (你有话说不出来) 分手说不出来海鸟跟鱼相爱只是一场意外我们的爱 (给的爱) 差异一直存在 (回不来) 风中尘埃 (等待) 竟累计成伤害
(合) 转身离开 (分手说不出来) 分手说不出来蔚蓝的珊瑚海错过瞬间苍白当初彼此 (你我都) 不够成熟坦白 (不应该) 热情不再 (你的) 笑容勉强不来爱深埋珊瑚海

Another One:

再度重相逢歌手：伍佰专辑：泪桥

你说人生如梦我说人生如秀
那有什么不同不都一样朦胧
朦胧中有你有你跟我就已经足够
你就在我的世界升起了彩虹
简单爱你心所爱世界也变得大了起来
所有花都为你开所有景物也为了你安排
我们是如此的不同肯定前世就已经深爱过
讲好了这一辈子再度重相逢

Time strikes...now I have what I wish for...finally

2006-09-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I have felt truly happy...

Happy for a lot of people...not just myself.

First of all...I am happy for Thomas...because he can finally leave after a full 3 years at the helm, with a very trusted committee of people he knows can only bring PSSOC forward...

I am also happy for all the new members of the 38th Exco...because I know they are the best people and have the drive to see a lot of things true. Furthermore, this is truly a committee with different nationalities...now that's very interesting.

I am also happy that there are a lot of raggers running for Arts Club 27th MC...they are the people whom I know have the best interests of the Arts undergrads at heart and help out with their determination. Therefore, I am calling for all of you guys to give Reuben, Lionel, Aaron and the raggers their support! They are indeed the best team prepared to handle the rigours of one more year...

And finally...happy for myself. My current job has now found the best possible replacement whom I can fully entrust my work on and continue, while I have gotten my dream job - A conference... It is now mine's to lose.

Let's hope things really look up from here on in...

Are there any 'lousy' people?

2006-08-24T15:38:00.000+08:00

I suddenly came to this thought, even though I am not feeling well right now, because there is more than one instance where I hear of my friends calling their own committee members and friends 'not up to standard', ' low calibre', 'lousy', 'cannot make it', and a lot more...

As a person who has to fight through everything from scratch, I am quite offended by these remarks.

Just to clarify, in my own opinion, no one is 'lousy', ' low calibre', 'cannot make it' and what have you. As the Chinese sayings go that there is an expert for every field of work, and every dog has its day, the point that I want to make is that we do not deserve to judge anyone as lousy, or having no potential whatsoever.

The critical issue, in which so many of us forget, is to try and help them and us look out for the one special thing that each and every one of us can excel in.

In fact those who call these remarks should retract those derogatory and demoralising phrases. Because we all start from scratch somewhere. Take my ex classmate for example who started from scratch after O levels but has finally carved out a career for himself and is doing very well.

So the moral of the story: Before you even think of saying these words, think about yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you can do better than them. If you can, help them out, or do their work to prove a point. Otherwise, it is best not to say it.

Uneasiness...and a confession

2006-08-24T15:35:00.000+08:00

I had an uneasy few days now to say the very least.

For the need to settle outstanding CCA matters, I have just about incurred the wrath of the rest who have wanted to see things but so far had not happened.

There is worse to come though, but the consolating part of it all is that it should be settled by 1st September 2006. Anyhow, that is.

A good friend of mine showed me a message that was sent by my ex boss, and while he told me how saddened it was, I was not surprised to say the least. Well, as I told him, for this issue, I way suspected her motives all the while long when all this started. Because I think I was the only one who saw that she was not doing the project for the love of it, rather, she wants to do it well so as to further her agenda forward…or so it may or may not seem.

This is sad because in my opinion, that equals to telling me that I have wasted a lot of precious time being miserable and yet kept alive only by the passion that has kept me going…Then I asked myself this question again:

So what are my priorities this time around? What is it that I really like to do?

What is my ultimate dream activity that I want to organise for myself here?

After considering it over the weekend, I have come to a decision. Suddenly, I feel at peace with myself.

To all my friends out there who think who have not gained anything beneficial or enjoyed your university life because you have been doing things that had not been to your liking, my advice is leave and really invest time in doing what you love and want to do.

Because it is from what you love doing that you also learn the most out of what you want to achieve. Trust me.

Finally, I have dedicated this final paragraph to one special person who I know I truly love…

To this special one…it has been a special way of knowing you for the past 13 months…I do not know what eventually led us to this, but I can only say that fate has gotten us together. The very fact that we have stuck through after several of our own tribulations shows that this is meant to last, and I truly hope that you can truly consider it and walk this next road of my life together with me. I suppose this is an open declaration of love, I admit, but due to the special circumstances of it, I know this is my most sincere way of telling you that I am ready for anything that comes. I have seen a lot of relationships spark and fizzle out, but I really hope that ours will always burn with passion and love.

In any case, I just want to say: I truly like you and will stick out with you for anything and through anything.

For all the rest of you guys out there, this may seem stupid to you, but just take it that you are reading this from a guy that has learnt to cherish everything that he knows must be hold tight and close…for so many things have happened in this world that have made me learn to be more protective of what I truly believe and treasure in…especially this.

Love, Alvin.

Lessons...2 years on...

2006-08-20T18:31:00.000+08:00

I always thought that I have done everything that I could in my ability and cannot do anymore further...

But I learnt a few lessons this week. Lessons that taught me how to judge myself in the face of other people and how to correctly move on from here.

As I met 2 of my old classmates yesterday, we happened to talk about stuff that we do not really talk about since we never met for the last few years or so. Time flies...

As one of them told me about her experiences...I cannot help but marvel at her...

Staying in hall, doing multiple CCAs...doing social work, and graduating with honours.

That really made me look like crap when I think about myself. I learnt a harsh lesson about challenging myself to new limits. Stress is necessary, but what I learnt yesterday is that I have to effectively use stress to my advantage.

And also, I have to practise a lot more on time management, and also on diplomacy and etc...Time to brush up on them.

I also discovered that for myself, the key critical thing is to realise that I do not have much time to do what I really want to do...so I must now prioritise and decide the things which I can properly devote myself in...and enjoy what I love to do...in that manner, I can remove some of my pessimism and stay happy.

So for the million dollar question for me is: What career should I pursue...?

I am stuck at 2 choices now, but I cannot decide on which one is really the one which I should do...I guess I do not have much time left to think about this...that's a worry.

Also, I guess I need to end off Rag properly. I realised that especially since I did not make it in time to see the dancers perform yesterday that I must understand one crucial point: I have indeed done my very best for Rag.

Indeed, to have given 3 years of my life for Arts Rag is the most massive commitment that I have done for any project ever. I can safely say that save my job, I cannot have that passion to do for any other project that I will get involved in in the future, maybe forever.

Arts Rag has now become etched inseperably from the happy part of my university life: dreams that I thought were not possible were finally realised everytime I join Rag and see it through as part of the happy family that I know called Raggers.

Rag 2004 - Realisation of the last Rag with the seniors who have done it all since Dragon Rag.

Rag 2005 - Completion of a new breakthrough concept under the worst of all circumstances.

Rag 2006 - The best float that I have been in, Arts has ever seen for now, and justifiably one that will be the benchmark for all other Rags to surpass...

With that, I leave Rag with the happy memories and all...I am raggerfied.

Rag 2006: The run up, the day itself, afterthoughts...and a lot more

2006-08-13T16:34:00.000+08:00

This post is critical to me because it carries special significance regarding Rag itself. Whatever that happened for Rag especially yesterday decides my course of action from here on...

The final week of Rag 2006 had a intensive run up, and mine started when I came back last Sunday afternoon to help out with the touch up of the bingo machine. With my main task being to ensure that the lorry for the float was ready for mounting as and when Lionel wanted, it was a relief when I managed to get it here when me and Jianwu got it here on Monday morning. But the story did not end there of course. When the lorry itself broke down on Thursday, my heart sank. That meant that the plans to mount the float were delayed. Things were made worse when it rained from Monday all the way to Friday morning.

When all these problems were finally resolved, we thought we had combated the worst case scenarios that our float could experience. We thought that all that was left was to carry out according to plan and we will get the rewards that Arts Rag was long overdue to get.

But, yesterday, it did not happen.

Arts Rag 2006 ended up with nothing.

Best float presentation ended up with Medicine, float design to Business, and overall float to SDE.

If you want to know my response to this, I am very very bitter with them, as with all fellow raggers.

Medicine - It is damn obvious that a big chunk of the dancers that performed were NOT students of Medicine faculty in NUS. This is so blatant because of the fact that the dance moves that these dancers performed compared to the students themselves were different and of a much higher level, even better than the halls themselves.

Business - Their main float design was haphazard to say the least when I saw them come in, and there was just no way that they could be in contention to win it all. I was sure that we had the best chance of winning this because our main float was indeed the best of the faculties as ours was the really pure 3-D strucuture of them all. A political move? I cannot say, but it sure has some connections with something else somewhere...

SDE - I am really very very gutted. Simply because they used last year's design and theme and copied wholesale. Period. And yet they won. I am sure this result has greatly insulted all other faculties, not just Arts.

The only thing that I can be comforted is that these results, because of the controversy behind them all, will not end on Saturday. At least I am assured by a friend of mine that it will not be. In any case, I am thinking of making my voice known to all in campus the double standards of NUSSU and the validity of the results.

All of us were in tears when the results were released.

Yuimin, Gerri, Wenhui broke down on the spot. Jasmine tried to hold back but couldn't do so either. Lionel broke down too when he gave his debrief. Michelle and Xinyu, 2 of the best freshies to have helped Rag, cried inconsolably.
Jianwu cried too as well... In a word, no senior ragger was not in tears, except for Hock who had to help put up a strong front for us all.

As for me, I just could not hold back my tears when it all sunk in when all hope for any result was lost.

3 years of Rag.

All came down to this day, I thought when I embarked on this trip for the 3rd time over.

All of us sacrificed so much of our time to make Arts Rag 2006 work. And when it really worked, we were overjoyed because we knew we did all we could and it came out as perfect as we wanted it to be.

Still, some words that a few of us said are critical in emphasising what Rag 2006 meant to us all.

Lionel - " The feeling of having a winning rag because we did everything we could as one..."

Gerri - " We do it because we come back when others keep knocking us down, so that we can all prove a point to the rest..."

Jasmine - "The best Rag for me personally for my 4 years..."

The pain of Rag.

I asked myself, what more must we do to prove out point that Arts Rag is a force to be reckoned with...

Then I came up with this conclusion late yesterday night: Arts Rag 2006 will be known to me as the champion float that was robbed of victory in the most ridiculous of circumstances.

So comes the question: Will anyone take up the mantle of Rag and push for next year?

As I talked to Michelle before leaving, she promised that she will redress the injustice suffered yesterday by doing next year. And I know that she is not the only one.

As for Rag 2006, it fully symbolised the motto of Rag: Passion, Friendships, Triumph.

Passion - The belief that we knew that we had a winning float, and we worked on it 8 months back and finished it on schedule and performed it the way we wanted it to be in our dreams.

Friendships - Strong bonds were created among seniors and freshmen on the very cause of making a good Rag. We crapped, ate, slept, bled and shed tears, but all united the name of doing up the Rag that symbolised our dreams and bonds.

Triumph - Even as Arts did not win, we won the respect of other faculties, halls, and a lot more. Other faculties saluted us for our monster of a float that even stood up to the halls even. I overheard people from other faculties looking at us with envy as they walked past out float. We walked out of Rag day as a real force to be reckoned with at the end...

For me, this moment is poignant.

Simply for the fact that this is the last Rag that I could help out actively. This time, next year, I will working elsewhere to get some job experience.

But if that's the way I have to end off my bond with Rag, then so be it.

Because I have no regrets in doing it, and I will never do for the rest of my life.

If you are not a ragger, it is simply not possible for you to realise how me and fellow Raggers feel now. Simply because it is no ordinary project. This is the only one which teaches you how you should see things in life: With commitment, dignity, respect and love for what you want to do.

For me, the process of Raggerification has undergone a new meaning...and I am thankful for being part of Rag 2006. Simply because I am allowed to be part of this and relive the true meaning of Rag yet again.

Be Raggerfied.

Decision making

2006-07-22T01:40:00.000+08:00

The time has come to a point which I must decide for books and CCA stuff again. To keep things going, here goes:

I definitely have to focus a lot more on my studies right now. Thinking about the slide in results, I need to do something to stop the slide, and I surely have to do good semesters to keep myself in the running for good results to come. So I am positioning my priority to books especially come August.

As for PSSOC, I have definitely realised that the society has given me more than what I have given to it. I sure recognise the fact that without this one year, I would not have learnt a few things such as diplomacy, man management, and OJT. So the time comes to me deciding how to give back to the place that accepted me when I was in my deepest misery. I think I have found the answer to that, but I will have to sort it out with a few people in the current committee to see this through.

One thing though...I do not see myself running the committee myself because I know I am not ready to do so. In fact, the opportunity for myself to be the boss or President of any majoy project will take a long time, but I now realise what it takes to be there.

Of course, not forgetting to update for Rag of course...

The mechanism is finally done for the main float, so that's a wonderful thing to celebrate. In fact, the success has shown that the main float does beat the main floats of past Arts Rags, so I am feeling confident that this Rag is going to exceed all expectations.

Still, there are problems to tackle...Manpower, finances, logistics, and the lorry itself...and how we can finally get this done. But I am confident still that with fellow Raggers, we can overcome them, and show the full potential and awake the sleeping dragon that Arts has been to Rag. Truly, I can feel that this Rag, although I am not as greatly involved as the last, is the one that can realise my dream of being in a winning Rag...

Long Live Arts Rag 2006!

Problems all around...melancholy?

2006-07-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

Read an article just some time ago...it seems like this is not ending. I will not comment on it, other than I will just consign it to history. For more info on this, I will only talk about this in private.

The more urgent issue though, is that I am not getting a vote of confidence for what I have been doing. Money matters is not good already, what more the no vote of confidence shown in me by a few important people who need to know of the situation right now?

This is not looking good.

As for rag, things have considerably slowed down, though not on purpose. Lionel's away for his diving, and I can only thank the heavens that Reuben has come in at the right time to help the hard techies out. I really felt it when Reuben sprained his back doing the mechanism for the main float at around 1am last Thursday. Even with the few of us around such as Guan Jie, Paul, Jingyi, Eileen...we managed to do make progress when the freshies and some seniors had to go at night (I am guilty because I had to go for another committee meeting at night only to come back later at 10pm)...

That's why Arts Rag will win. Because the hearts of all Raggers will carry it through no matter the obstacles, big or small, or how many of them we must overcome. At the end of the day, because of raggers and the heart of the freshies who are willing to stick it out with us, Arts Rag 2006 will be the most wonderful Rag I can consider myself to be part of.

Right now, I am awaiting for more raggers and close friends who can help out once their internships are over...if anything, let me know if you can help out...

Be Raggerfied 2006 - Passion, Friendships, Triumph.

Freedom of Expression...and other things

2006-06-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

Someone just commented that there is no private blog...

This is with reference to the blogging issue that came up during a fellow NUS undergrad's exchange to China...

However, when one blogs, it is mostly about his own feelings regarding a certain issue, so definitely that has to be understood in a personal context. Still, when one makes certain remarks, one must specify however if it is purely because of the incident itself, or it is really personal. Just like how I defined mine. I declared it as work when it is work, personal when it is personal. Do it and miscommuications can be much avoided.

Ok back to the other issues...

Arts Camo just ended, and I guess I will feel left out when I resume Rag this Sunday. That is because I don't think I will have much people or freshies to talk to, and that's when I have to work everything from scratch... But more importantly, Rag must get going. There have been problems along the way, some big, some small, but we managed to resolve in the best way possible now, so the only thing left is to get the rest of the stuff done.

Only 1 month remains, so guys, if you all can chip in anyhow, just give me an sms, or drop me a ring. Your help is very much appreciated...and any form will do! :) Soft tech, hard tech, dance, etc... I thank you guys on behalf of Rag com 2006!

But I still have to settle CCA stuff as usual, with payments still outstanding and other issues to handle as well...so it looks like I will have a really busy week ahead, whether I like it or not.

Life...as it is

2006-06-27T17:31:00.000+08:00

I think I just want to add to what I just said...

It's never easy working at any place, any organisation.

Everywhere you go, you will make friends. But at the same time, you do make enemies, whether is it accidentally, or because of circumstances.

What I have come to realise is that at the end of it all, so long as one retains his own principles, and maintains his dignity at the end of it all, he can then be said to be a hero irregardless of what happens.

JFK, Gandhi, Jinnah, Bill Gates, Winston Churchill, FDR...and the list goes on.

They were heroes, but they had enemies as well.

I too have made enemies, but I have made a lot of good friends whom I know I can spend my time with in the times to come.

It is time for me to decide whether I should make the step up, but I will do the best to my abilities.

I am who I am, and it's now time to decide what's good, what's bad, and what should be preserved and defended in my own opinion. If someone wants to spoil my reputation, I will give that person a 'wonderful' time...so 'good' that he will regret ever messing with me.

I have been an innocent and compromising fool for too long a while now...

Time has come for a change.

The issue of backstabbing...my reply to a reply on my last post

2006-06-27T17:04:00.000+08:00

The issue of backstabbing...and accusing her no reason...

As it has always been, is that I have been accused of these 2 charges.

Need I remind a friend of mine that she has nothing to gain by playing this issue with me. She may be wiser, more experienced in handling society matters than I am, she has to kindly understand that I have refrained myself from disrupting any friendly working atmosphere there exists among us all.

To the rest of you who are reading this, this friend of mine is thinking that I am running for the next committee. And of course she thinks that I have an unassailable position, and now she wants to spill out my mistakes. She may be good, academically wise, brain wise, and whatever good points she has mentioned, but she has committed a mistake which I am not happy with.

But allow me to clarify some issues:

- First of all, I have not decided about what to do next semester. So her assumption that I will be running for something higher in my CCA now is unfounded. After all, I have not said that I am going to.

- In her point that I have acted as nothing has happened, my response to her is: I separate work from personal matters. So if she wants to carry this on, let it be. Because I know what needs to be sorted out at what level.

- Of course I am still inexperienced in these things, so if she wants to take this to me, I may not win, I admit. But I will not let anyone destroy my name.

- And if she thinks that I will renounce my friendship because of this matter, then I think I may have wasted one year knowing her as a friend. If she wants to disrupt my personal life, and if I know that happens, I will just be disappointed. She, as my senior, and at a higher position here, should be mature enought to understand that.

My friendship with my boss is what made me join the committee in the first place. Brotherhood? I beg to differ. Obviously she has not made an attempt to understand what I have been doing behind the scenes. Not that I can blame her for that. We each have 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose, 1 mouth, and we have so many things to sort out ourselves.

And of course, this space is mine.

Therefore, this will be my reply to her post on her blog that I will not reveal to respect her privacy, not like her who has chosen to reveal mine.

Not that I have any dark conscience. To the contrary, I have been doing my stuff week in and week out, and I do not need to tell the whole world what I am doing to glorify myself.

But I am not going to change my principles just because of this incident.

Life is not easy...and we all make mistakes. The key issue is to learn. And not to make any assumptions.

Have I made any? I will not say anything about this, since someone else can always argue that I have made some assumptions somewhere.

At the end of the day, I still hail my Rag spirit in helping me tide this issue. Saying which I must apologise to all raggers who have gone for Arts Camp since I did not make it. It's for things like this which now warrant my attention.

And to her final charge that she thinks that I am not well enough to play but to do something else...I have not been well, but not ill enough to ignore my raggers whom I have neglected for these 2 weeks while busy with SMUN...carrying newspapers is less exerting that playing a game. I have divided my time such that I have to settle for both socety matters and rag equally.

As for the two parties that I mentioned in the last post, I honestly tell the truth when I say that it's always nice to have you both as my truly close friends. I appreciate that. But in my opinion we have a fundamental difference in working styles that I am afraid we can never reconcile. So therefore since I may not be seeing you both that often again in the months to come, I sincerely wish the best to you both in your endeavours, everything else in life.

This is my one and only official reply, and I want to say this again:

My displeasure is over Work, never Personal. No personal damage intended.

Updates...and a message for some others

2006-06-25T11:57:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I posted here...so here goes with the updates from the past 3 weeks...

SMUN 2006 done from 7/6 to 9/6 was a successful event to say the very least...when it was done, I did not feel joy. Rather, I felt relief more than anything else. One the one hand, I was helpless at the few people who were just free riding the past 4 months of plannig, leading up the the quarrels, spats and all. Also, there have been cases of unilateralism at the wrong times when the vital reports of others have been discarded or chucked aside for the reason that they do not want to hear the truth that is the bad news.

Anyway, I have talked to the relevant people and though I am nt satisfied by their replies, I decided to let it pass. Well, I am not the boss of SMUN. I compensated the Logistics team for their hard work by giving them a well deserved treat at the end of the day at Holland V. That is the very least that I could do to help them.

And now, SMUN ends with me trying to sort out the outstanding debt and finances I have to do myself. I will get that settled as soon as possible...

The next weekend, I helped out Jingyi and the raggers in doing Karang Guni collection in Ang Mo Kio. It was definitely a more meaningful way to spend the weekend, rather than having an exercise session, or doing other stuff. Sure was a great time for me as I experienced what it really took to be a newspaper collector. At the end of the day, managed to raise $760...long live raggers! That would sure go a long way in settling a lot of debts that the committee has spent so far.

In the midst of it, I am repaying my debt to the raggers by staying in school to help build up the float...I know my role has been minimal, but I can say that I am doing my bit to help build the float, from the hard tech side at the very least. The only reason why I am not doing so much for the soft tech side is because I am a 'rough' person, and I am not suited at decorating stuff myself.

Just this week, I went for a meeting that was to reorganise SMUN secretariat for the next session in 2007...and there emerged a big spat between me and my VP. Not that I am going to say that who is in the wrong, but I am being at the end of her personal attacks against me. Obviously I was trying to argue from the side of reason and logic, but I could see that she was trying to push her agenda to the forefront. To make things simmer down, my boss decided to adjourn things to a later date, with a lot more ramifications.

I am not afraid to say this, and I will say it.

The PD of SMUN 2006 and my VP are such people that I regret meeting, because like my pervious boss (I will not mention who, but you guys will know who I want to talk about - yes, it's him), they epitomise the 3 things I do not want to see:

- like to hog the limelight
- untactical and unreasonable
- pushing their own agenda forward at all costs, and not being logical.

My PR skills may not be top notch by a long shot, but at least I know that I am responsible and committed...and that I will see things through whatever the cost because I know it benefits everyone. And I know what the word SHIT means.

The other 2 people don't, and they will never know. Good luck to them...

At the end of the day, I can only say that my resilience is being built all thanks to Rag.

Rag 2006 - Be Raggerfied with victory...because this is the one which Arts will stand up all.

Who appreciates?

2006-06-01T20:27:00.000+08:00

I just have to send this up...

I saw a very tired Lionel today...he's looking a lot more haggard than I have seen him two weeks ago...something is not right.

I do not see the zest he had when he started out with Rag in January, what I saw was a very tired Lionel before Arts Camp pre-camp. I do not know why am I seeing that.

Then I look at myself and am frustrated with the way I am doing my job for SMUN next week. I have been too accomodating. Too accomodating that I have shot myself in the foot. Then I realise that I have been looking a lot more tired.

Tired of all the power politics. Tired because there are just a lot of selfish people wanting to pursue their means without considering others. Tired becase people have been using others to ride other working mates together.

I am irritated, frustrated and pissed off.

Who exactly appreciates all the slack people like me and Lionel do?

Some people just take people who slogged off like us for granted.

Stress..and a message for someone

2006-05-31T21:43:00.000+08:00

Results were out last friday...but obviously they have not been well...

I have been telling myself to put things into perspective...but instead got a heavy berating from my mum instead. Some may call me mamma's boy, but believe me, it's never nice when u get a heavy berating from my mum, even though I personally felt that I did all I could with my current results in this situation.

Still, this pressure exerted on me by my parents, relatives, whom some of my relatives only know how to play hypocrite because they look down on me just gets to me. The consolation from this is that I have managed it well so far, but I can tell you that I will be over the boiling point soon.

I have my work cut out for myself next semester. That's all I know right now.

Another thing that has been troubling me these few days is society work. I talked to some of my working mates in the upcoming Singapore Model United Nations Conference and they have told me about their displeasures with the boss. One has even gone to the extent of washing his hands off the matter. It took a lot of persuasion to tell him to help do this last favour that I saw it important, and then let him rest his mind and enjoy his reservist and the rest of his days with his girlfriend.

The next paragraph is for the person in question, and you do not need to read of course.

Theresa, if you are looking at this right now, (if you stumble upon it), the person I am talking about is you. The cardinal sin you have committed is that you have overridden a lot of people without even telling them what you are planning to do in the first place. I do not want to tell this to you in person because I do not want to spoil the dynamics of SMUN. But in any case, if you are not aware, you have pissed off key members of the administration team with the way things you have done. That also includes me, although I can understand some of your frustrations. Still, you cannot allow yourself to be overridden by someone, knock down another person in a msn chat and then do what you want without even telling us. It will put us in a very tight spot.

In case I forget, rag has been going good...

Had a good dinner with the raggers, including a surprise visit by Fiona (not for me since she told me that she's already coming last week). Fiona...thanks for your presence...you rock!

The following is for Lionel: Lionel, if you read this, I just want to tell you this:

Your confidence in us was not unfounded...we managed to get the float down to where you wanted, but in the process, you have to buy a lot of us makan soonz! :P (16 of us in fact)

Be raggerfied...and long live SMUN for next week!

One anniversary on...

2006-05-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

I have been praying to the gods as normal on the evenings whenever I am at home, and did realise something when some time ago since my last post...

Everyone will undergo trials and tribulations...the one who emerges champion is the one who can overcome them all...no matter how insurmountable they are to overcome.

It's that simple.

It does not seem that difficult to realise that it is the solution I have been looking for in life.

May the Gods give me their blessings in granting me fine results this coming week...

Also, I just want to take this chance to celebrate the 'birthday' of my blog. It definitely has made me a calmer person ever since I have invested my efforts in it. And that's because I know you guys read this and appreciate my frustrations that I sometimes cannot say it out in the open.

Thanks to you all...I can never forget the support you guys have given me through my uni life. Really.

:D :D

Alvin

Disillusioned

2006-05-12T21:33:00.000+08:00

Today's Vesak Day...and this is I think one of the most poignant days of my life.

Simply because I have been disillusioned...things have not been the same.

I just have been feeling that I am losing my own sense of direction, and even my own self-belief...

Just rejected going to Chuin's wedding...even though that was blocked by my mum, I reflected later that I might feel more miserable going down anyway.

Things have also not been the same for rag...

Just yesterday, when I was around, I was quite left out.

12 guys doing it...which was good, but I was the only senior around. I felt a bit lonely, because frankly speaking I have not been around at club room for some time. Just feeling left out because I have not been around to mingle with the rest of the com.

It will take some time.

May the Gods provide me with answers in the next few days...I admit I am seeking salvation...

But from where?

Exams end...and life goes on as normal...full of firsts

2006-05-03T17:14:00.000+08:00

Exams finally eneded yesterday at 1900...

It's finally over...but in any case, I put in my very best effeort, so I am not going to fret about the results because this has come at a time when I have been more involved and busy as usual...

So many firsts...at a high position in a CCA, on a plane to a conference, meeting young intellectuals of my age. meeting and chatting about politics, having a near chance with a very eminent leader...

But then I have achieved yet another first today...nothing big, but just attending a PAP rally at UOB Plaza...

The content covered as interesting, as a lot of guys were all ears, and this was especially when the PM took the stand. Well some electoral issues came up as usual, but the fact is that I was a bit disappointed by the fact that nothing much was discussed with regards to creating jobs for my generation, and potential aid measrures for the elderly...

What does this mean? I leave to all to think about it...to me though, it's just politics.

Ok...now looking to something this coming friday...I will keep you all posted, but right now, the clue is that I hope for good news from a certain meeting on friday...this concerns one of the wishes that I set for my birthday...

Watch this space.

A song of reflection

2006-04-30T13:58:00.000+08:00

Just something for you guys...this is a good chinese song to listen to...

罗美玲 : 爱一直闪亮

我一个人的沙发上还有你拥抱的力量起身才看见孤独的形状
在空气里曝光明明是咖啡不加糖怎么喝还是懒洋洋
你不在的天气装了开关碰到天就黑暗
我以为爱一直闪亮现在剩一个人坚强想念在手中
张开变翅膀我还懂不懂飞翔(忘记了我懂飞翔)
我看见爱一直在闪亮想逃的心改变了方向
只因这城市情歌太悲伤
才让一碗热汤红了眼框
电视里爱情播不完
怎么转都能离开现场
如果我承认你让我很难忘
结局能不能换

This one special day

2006-04-25T20:17:00.000+08:00

This one special day tomorrow, is one day I always cherish every year.

But it is especially poignant this time round - I am not getting younger

So without further ado, because I am still having my papers, here go my 5 wishes until next year:

- Hope that I pass all my exams with good results (as always)
- Hope all of you guys, my family are all doing well in the coming year
- Hope Arts Rag wins in August
- Hope PS Soc will be in better hands come end this term
- and lastly...Hope that I can have better luck in romance. You guys know well what I mean...

For my song for tomorrow, go listen to Landy Wen Lan's "Zhu Wo Sheng Ri Kuai Le". A nice song to commerate my own birthday.

23 years on...and still going.

Election Fever...Exams...and A 'Statement'

2006-04-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

The elections is coming up, and it is really getting up to speed...so that is what will focus our attention in the coming weeks...

I do hope that I can something out of this though. Just yesterday, I got to go to SPH and settle some stuff in which hopefully I can make my views known through an article...but whether that can happen is up to them to decide how can I be used and be helpful to their cause. Watch this space if there are any developments, for I myself remain hopeful that I can get to write my views soon enough.

Exams now...and I do hope that this is my best chance at kicking up my overall grade, and being mindful of the events that have occured over the past few days, it is therefore a hell of a physical and emotional ride. Nonetheless, I will be going all out. The only complaint: the dates are unevely distributed. After all, I start on the first day, end on the 4th last day, and have 3 other papers smashed side by side.

Oh well, that's the problem of university adminstration.

Finally: A 'Statement': All the comments mentioned henceforth and in all posts are solely my own opinions and feelings so far. Not intended and aimed at anyone for any reasons.

If you guys have been offended by my comments directly or indirectly, I do sincerely apologise.

A big chance missed...but that's life

2006-04-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

Just want to comment here on a big opportunity that I had, one that I missed...and the moral of the story behind it all.

The chance that I had, and took it gleefully, was the chance to talk to a few prominent political personalities during an election seminar last week. Although I didn't get featured on TV (but that was not my wish anyway), the fact that I got the chance to talk to a well respected politician well known politician (sorry for the oxymoronicness...I don't sound quite coherent today) was something that I will never forget. After all, what I learnt after the exchange of comments is that he does talk the talk, and walk the walk when he says:

' Do not short change myself, and take the interests of the residents at heart.'

It made me think...isn't that what CCAs are meant to be? For the larger good isn't it?

One does not need to be famous to do good for the people. One does not need to have impressive academic results to serve the people.

All he needs is a sincere and willing heart ready to devote all his time and energies for the wishes of the masses. There is an Chinese saying that the propsperity of a country depends on every single person, right down to the rickshaw puller.

I am the rickshaw puller, and I can still make my contribution to society. Hope whoever reads this can understand our role for the society.

Books tell you some things, but life experiences must be felt by yourselves. No amount of hearing of advice will help.

Ok, now back to the chance that I missed.

I will not want to make a name for myself, but just that I got a note from Thomas that there was a chance that I could talk to one of Asia's most respected leading politicians in a televised interview. So I thought why not, since I had this golden chance, might as well go for it?

Oh well, I did...went for the screen test, then had to get approval from a very high political authority...only to get news two hours ago that I did not get shortlisted to face the man himself.

Needless to ask, I was very disappointed. Very.

I had my chance, and I thought I did ask some thought provoking questions. But the reasons behind my rejection will never be known. It is fine by me, for it just taught me a very harsh lesson.

Life is definitely never a bed of roses. But I can say that I gave it my best shot nonetheless.

I am not sure whether a friend of mine did get in...But I think she did. In any case though, I will be watching it on TV next Monday at 7pm...that is if I can be at home. But my priority is the exams anyway, and I definitely need to get a good result this semester. So if this rejection means a good result for me this semester, why not?

After all, I think I have achieved quite a lot of firsts this semester...well, you cannot have everything in life anyway. There are a few other personal 'firsts' I want to achieve, but it will take time I suppose.

Ok, back to finishing my 2 essays, and an article which I hope will put myself in good light in the future.

Part 2 of Boston R and R

2006-03-24T01:41:00.000+08:00

Salem - The very same place as mentioned in The Crucible - It's a brilliant small town. Scenic pics to come in next blog

The United Nations HQ: The flag fluttering in front of the General Assembly buidling in New York. This was one of the places that I went to in my whrilwind one day trip to New York. No session in progress though

Guess? Times Square! I can swear that their electronic billboards are totally around from this junction that I took this picture...goodness!

NYSE - Not in session but it's still a wondrous building. So much for the world's economy in one building.

Ground Zero - This was taken at its pictorial gallery outside the subway station

One way to New York in the Fung Wah Bus...

Boston's city life. Me took this straight after lunch at 2pm.

Some of my team members: (From Left) Angela, Eugene, Chuin Song and Christel. Smilez!

USS Constitution in Charleston Naval Yard, Boston: Believe it, this ship has never been defeated or sunk, and this has helped it maintain the legacy and wonderance of this classic fighter ship.

Pictures and Postings from Boston

2006-03-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

Just a short note...

The picture gallery (part 2) and notes from Boston will come latest this coming wednesday...so take note...

Yup, that's all from me, and I have still a lot of reports and essay deadlines to meet.

Manz.

Pictures from Boston (long delayed) Part 1

2006-03-06T02:44:00.000+08:00

Apparently there is a problem with loading pictures, so I am think I am showing backwards...here are some of the highlights that date from the end of HNMUN 2006 to the whole of R and R...enjoy...

Part 2 consisting of the conference itself, and trip to Harvard University and departure from Changi Airport coming real soon...

Stanbro Room - Boston Park Plaza Hotel: the very place which literally fought for Singapore's interests for HNMUN 2006
Ground Zero - Believe it, and it's a total mess down here. I will post up a video clip - I actually took a short clip, and will let you guys know if it can be posted up here or elsewhere Having fun at the only outdoor skating rink with (from left) Enlin, Christel and Eugene - the only problem being that I was their photographer and did not skate. Even so, this is good compensation... heez
Salem - The very place as described by 'The Crucible'...
That's how much trip ends - A picture with the American Flag at Salem

A few minutes of reflection: HNMUN and New York

2006-02-26T16:14:00.001+08:00

Harvard National Model United Nations Conference 2006 – Boston Park Plaza Hotel, Boston, MA.

16/2/2006 - 19/2/2006.

It finally ended on 19/2/2006, Sunday at 1pm.

After 4 hectic days of deliberating, speaking, debating, mediating and striking compromises, together with the fun of forming a bloc of my own, a resolution of sorts was reached with Singapore’s interests in it. I will type out the resolution in another post soon. Have to comment that I realized the narrow-minded mentality of the Americans in the way they formed their foreign policy, (I can have a delegate representing Thailand telling me that Thailand is a predominantly Muslim country :( ) Still, I have made wonderful friends in Americans who really knew their foreign policy ( Zach from USMA is a really good example with Brazil), and the Latin Americans who were pretty impressive ( Ana from Bolivia representing USA and Adriana from Venezuela representing France are two good examples :D ) To top it off, I am really honoured to know and work with people who have really studied in Singapore, e.g. Mardan from University of Pennsylvania and Yash from UC Berkeley, and Ronald who is a SAFOS from Berkeley. Mardan represented the PRC, while the latter two represented Nigeria, who were instrumental in gathering the African Bloc. Special thanks also goes to Kelly from Wheaton College for helping me gather the bloc of ASEAN countries though.

Thanks to the above friends for making my conference so wonderful.

There also marks the end of Historical GA 1971, Bangladesh crisis.

As I finally decided to go to sleep, I also thought of the awards and realized that the awards went to Americans alone. No wonder, since the conference itself is a ‘National’ rather than ‘International’ conference. But I realized that this is one which the experience will be invaluable in making the local version more professional. Guranteeed.

Then on, me together with Thomas and Yuneng went to NY on a whirlwind one day trip. Yup, you are not reading it wrong. It is a one day trip, and what a heck of a one day trip I can tell you guys…

It was a very wild trip to mention from the start. We initially pushed off from Boston at 8am and reached New York’s Chinatown 4 hours later. After a handsome lunch, the 3 of us went on a quick spin of literally all the prominent places we could find: (in order) Ground Zero, Wall Street, NYSE, Statue of Liberty, UN Headquarters, 5th Avenue (a famous shopping mall), Empire State Building, Times Square and eventually, this one I must mention: Madison Square Garden. We were just literally trigger happy and took a lot of photos here and there, and bought a lot of souvenirs. But I was just swept by the electronic billboards that surrounded the famous junction of Times Square, managed to see the whole of NY atop the 86th storey of the Empire State Building, and finally, took 3 valuable photos outside Madison Square Garden. Photos of these places available so long as you ask me...the only sour point is that I was not able to find the stuff that Fiona and Jianwu wanted me to find…so apologies to my dearest friends for disappointing you.

That’s about as succinct as I can be…I rather show you what I have seen in pictures…indeed, pictures tell one thousand words…so imagine how many words these pictures tell. In short, seeing all of NY in one day was tiring enough, but then I decided that it was worth all the rush. At least I can declare to all that I have been to some of the most prominent landmarks in the world and left my mark there, however small and insignificant.

The following few posts will be all pictures and abit of descriptions...this is to make up for my inability to blog while in Boston...stay tuned...and apologies for not submitting a V-day post as I mentioned earlier...sleep mattered more to me I figured...

There are still things worth cherishing

2006-02-12T15:03:00.000+08:00

I had a chat with Thomas early this week, and got chided by him for still staying at Arts club to him. To him, the club is an insignificant piece of **** that I should disregard. As I have always raised in my defence that I have already learnt to let go of a few things,and have since told him that Rag is the only project that I am heavily involved in,he accepted it, albeit very grudgingly. Frankly, I am not sure what will happen for the next few days, but the road is certainly bumpy enough.

The point is that I hope he understands as much as I do that for everything in life, each of us does something because we know that we will cherish the memories of not just the fruits of success, but more importantly the process that goes along with it.

Take last night's example. Seeing Yuimin as the leading actress in Eusoff Hall's production, "Runway", was a great revalation. For as long as I know her, her performance that she put up yesterday was highly remarkable. She really acted out of her skin in her own role that eventually brought the crowd to rapturous applause at the end of it all. And at the end of it all, I could see her relief and joy in her face, and me and a few friends who came down to support her will readily admit that it was very worth it. The point is, the reason why Yuimin joined the production and succeeded, is the very same reason to why I am doing Rag: It's as much as the process, not just the result that matters. To me, the process is what moulds me as a person, and how I learn something more about myself yet again.

The same reason is also why I am embarking my trip to Boston. It is the very fact that I have not been involved in a major conference and will like to feel what it is like to do it. The thing about Rag is that every Rag is not the same. It's a totally different project. I understand Thomas's point about what Rag means to my cv, but the point of it is that I am not doing Rag because of my cv: in life, there are just some things that you will do again and again, because every time you do it, it's a new experience altogether. Hope Thomas can understand my point here.

Ok, I am getting a bit distracted here. But once again, regarding Yuimin's performance, I can only sum this up in one word: Magnificent. Nothing else can better describe her performance other than that.

This is not my final post to Boston, just in case you were wondering, as I will definitely put up one more before I fly off in about 48 hours time. Anyway, here are details for my trip just in case you are wondering:

Flyoff: 0600, 14/2/06 Return: 0040, 25/2/06

So yup, just take note of the times...for security reasons I will not reveal my flight numbers here...but I can tell you that the departure hall is at T1.

My Valentine's Day post tomorrow will be very special...considering the fact that I have been writing anti V-Day articles, so this time round I will be writing this in a very different manner. Keep your fingers crossed then, as all will be revealed tomorow. : )

Just for a moment...

2006-02-04T02:34:00.000+08:00

It just hit to me that I have to talk about Rag again for this post. Looks like I am too much involved in it.

Jianwu did warn me just now while we went down to watch Chingay with Lionel, Aya, Jingyi and Gerri how 'unraggerfied' I am because I have not gone down to pick up logistics and stuff...that struck me. I cannot be at 2 places at one time, while I had to settle my laptop and desktop PCs, both which happened to be down at the same time(believe it or not), I had to settle them or otherwise I have no laptop to bring to Boston, and my dad and brothers will kill me over the desktop. Sighz...but I promised that I will come and help out for rag more often as and when I can. Basically, that means that I have to juggle Rag and Ps Soc stuff from now on. Time to find a balance.

Steven Lim finally passed me a video of last year's Rag. It was a brilliant video, not only because of the detailed recording of the rag float on the final night to actual presentation, but I was touched by words of support and encouragement from freshies, MC members, Prof Shandre and even the Dean himself. What this means from their words is that Rag can have a better future, and the efforts of Jingyi, Lionel, Jennifer and the current Rag com will not let this newfound determination and goodwill from the Dean's Office go to waste. Well at least it has been moving as fast as it can go.

Now back to other stuff:

Boston: Nothing else to say now, only that there are only 9 days to go until Valentine's Day, so efforts now only remain to fix up administrative loose ends and academic preparation to better ready myself for the conference.

Studies: Because of Boston, there is an increasing urgency in settling things, including an research essay that I have to finish most probably in Boston, but I will be asking my lecturer for a 24 hour extension at the very least.

All else done, it will be back to books and society stuff.

Will definitely post up one more before I fly off. Let me know if you guys want me to get anything from Boston, although that means I am almost down to my financial bare bones... but anyway, do let me know ok?

Just angry...

2006-01-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

I just came out of a meeting with my friends who are going down to Boston in a few weeks time. And I came out of it feeling frustrated, esasperated and feeling very out of place.

It just came as a friend of mine was saying something that was not going right with marketing...I cannot fathom why this happened, but it is also with merit as some of us have not been fully committed and responsible. Just that I have a feeling that her meeting with the Deanery pissed her off big time. Still, I think if she put things in perspective, she should have changed her tone in telling us of the gravity of the situation. Not that I want to spoil things, but the way she delivered her lecture to all of us is definitely not only going to damper the mood for the trip and conference, but also going to sour relations among all of us.

Makes me think whether she trusted anyone else other than her close confidants...I just don't want to have that thought. But the more I think about it, the more it may make sense. I have been wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt, because we all have flaws. I also have flaws, some big and some small, but I definitely know how to control the situation and put things into perspective. At least I don't guys a sermon, I only deliver hard facts. I understand her frustration because we have not been gettin the funds that we need for this trip, but that's just not the way to tell us. From the way she spoke, she made of herself as the angel and the rest of us as devils, and that's what really pissed me off big time. No kidding.

This comes on the back of frustrating personal problems I am expriencing...my parents having a big spat, me having a bad tooth (suspected). starting to lose my way in my tutorials, having less sleep, and now dealing with more society stuff and etc. The problem is that while I am revelling in my role as mentor to my juniors who have to carry heavy responsibility for some of them, I often ask myself every night before I sleep: who do I turn to when I have frustrations?
It's because of my work ethic and study expectations that leave me with little choice but to push ahead...but who can I really talk to about this?

I guess that's why I have this blog.

Some other joyful matters...Rag 2006 has formaly started, but missed the meeting of the techies, in any case it was inevitable because of the heavier priority of settling admin matters for Boston, but I am still keeping myself in touch nonetheless.

SMUN 2006 venue is confirmed: EH! At least managed to relieve my PD's burden...now the problem is how to go about it, but will be meeting her and her deputy ( that makes it 2 nice girls...thank the lords :) ) soon enough to work on the implementation.

My portfolio is getting ok now, now coming to terms with it. Will be submitting some statemensts later today, and try to sort out some stuff at the same time.

And lastly, Happy Doggie Year to the Following:

- All my friends who know of my blog (that's only limited to the special 5...as my dear friends, happy ner year to all!)
- To the one person who has managed to find my blog even though I have not told anyone about it...
- Family of course, that including my sis-in-law
- Remus 2005!
- PS Society
- Rag 2006 com
- 25th MC

That's all....woof to Chinese New Year!

P.S. To the one man who found my blog...do me a favour...don't inform others of this blog of mine. Because I am only restricting it to people who know my character well to understand my frustrations...and Happy New Year to you!

Module Reflection

2006-01-15T12:06:00.000+08:00

In reflection to the modules that I have bidded and am taking thus far into the first half of 2006:

- SFP, FPD and Chinese Politics: I think they are the best modules that I think I can do well in, so that means all out for me for all of them. Looking to do well in all three of them.

- Struggle for Modern China: Basically I am taking this to suit with Chinese Politics, so let's hope it turns out that way. Even if it doesn't, I will have to do well in any case.

- Calculus: Some have said that I am an oddball by taking it. But it seems that I have given myself a personal challenge to not just survive, but also to do well in it. Well, whether I can do well in it is one, and whether I decide to use my 2nd S/U option is another. It is hard of course, but regarding this I am taking it one step at a time. So let's see how it goes then...good luck to me.

For all other stuff, that including Boston, society stuff and personal preparations for the year of the dog, take it a step at a time then...not forgetting the resolutions that I have set for myself.

The only new thing is that I have come back to Arts club for only one project: Rag 2006. And may Rag 2006 be the best of the Rags that I have experienced. The good thing is that I am experiencing an optimistic feel about it...so...hmm....

Be Raggerfied 2006!

A new year, new things...but some things are better relived

2006-01-04T18:27:00.000+08:00

2006 has arrived...happy belated new year everybody!

I have set out my resolutions just before the clock struck, so I hope that they still fit as my targets for this year. Oops, I think I am starting to have childish thoughts again, but the idea is that I am reliving the old days...

Indeed, coming to a certain stage like I am experiencing now, it's always good to stop, take stock and enjoy the old days and moments which have made my life memorable...that's how I motivate myself from moving on. It's all about inspitation and hope for a better dawn, and that's my philosophy I will be adopting for the next few years ahead.

Right now though, I have to settle an article for a freind of mine which I have owed for a very long time, but it's not my fault really...it's that staff choose not to be around during the holidays and there's nothing I can do abut it really. So that's that.

Anyway, here's a few things that I am living and enjoying now, just to think about...apart from their working styes which I may not come to terms for some, these private moments have been something to treasure...Maybe there is still some good, fun and hope in this world:

- MC reunion gathering on 30/12/05. It certainly was a good gathering of sorts, reliving those days at the chalet a year ago where we played ourselves crazy. Indeed, I always tell myself that regarding the MC, it may not be a good experience working with them, but privately, they are a fine bunch to hang out with.

- 26th MC gathering. Old days I managed to relive as I got to talk to some of the raggers who are also there, but more vitally, I managed to get some work over food and BBQ. How about that for a start?

- Remus-Rosti Gathering, just last night. If I ever have something that I will always treasure in 2005, it's the fact that I got to know a brilliant bunch of people who are funky, understanding, cranky and yet so lobing at the same time. That's why I can never ever thank Remus and Rosti enough for they came to my life as I was staring down at the lowest ebb of my MC tenure, both physically and mentally. It is not an understatement to say that outlook on life has brightened up because of them, and that's why I will always treasure that. Take yesterday as a good example, we still managed to eat, crap, play and sing ourselves like there was not tomorrow! For once, I was just able to unwind with them...thanks to you guys for coming to my life when I needed you guys the most.

That about sums up what happened last week, minus the bidding for my modules which is a big headache, now that I have to do well in all of it to keep my overall average up. Looks like I have to explore the option of studying at SMU to kick up my grades, but right now I will leave it to a later time to think about that.

More updates on my modules soon enough...

Some things to fix up

2005-12-27T21:53:00.000+08:00

Just a note for myself, here are the following things to fix up:

- Settle position paper
- Financial statements all the way until end 2005
- Attend 3 gatherings
- Settle excess financial reserves for the Boston trip
- Resolutions

All to be done in the next 48 hours. That's all...hmmph

Reflections...

2005-12-23T01:58:00.000+08:00

Been busy since last post...so I did not really post anything for last few times...but anyway, just to reflect one a few things:

1) Harvard stuff - I am now working on my position paper. Although it looks easy in the first place, it actually becomes very hard, all because of the fact that I have to devise a policy for a nation that is only 5 years old! Hmmph...let me think something for that really asap... All I can say is that I will get it done in the next 2 days. Period.

2) Results - Not as good as I wanted, but I know that that it could be a lot more worse. In all, I know what must be done to try to readjust my standing so that I am in better stead come FOP in 6 months time.

3) Society stuff - Just have had multiple talks with Thomas, Chuin, Angela and Jon...a lot of work needs to be cleared up in a short time..including accounts, events and stuff, so I am definitely occupied in the next 3 months at least per se. Not forgetting the chalet on 5/1...cannot forget...

4) Arts club - Every time I think of this, I just get more depressed. Because now that Rag is in the hands of a freshie who has no idea about rag, I have more doubts about her more than anything else. I salute her enthusiasm for taking on a project that needs a lot more tenacity and willpower, but I also think of the implications now that Jingyi is doing it. After all, if an O weeker like her can do a good rag, where does that leave Rag in the the mentality of Raggers? What about future MCs and their opinion about Rag and O week in the future? It looks like things do not look as good, but it is out of my hands anyway. Sorry to all raggers, but I cannot take up because I cannot be selfish and leave PS Soc alone. It's just not right. But I will do my best anyway...guranteed.

5) Personal - Love life is not getting anywhere...family relations are getting strained. Now that my bro's getting engaged later today, I will look so out of place...imagine what others will say when my bros have girlfriends and I do not even come close to getting one...haiz. Will see that I can do for myself to sort things out, as usual, I am the one relied to stay at home now that my brothers keep going out partly due to being attached...

Finally...

Resolutions!

I usually look forward to setting new goals, but not this time round...because this time round I have to reflect a lot more...see what I can achieve and how can I get them done...me not getting younger already. Have to set some things straight.

Wherever you are, Merry Christmas 2005 and an advanced Happy New Year 2006!

Long delayed one...

2005-12-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

It's nearly a month since I posted here...how time flies...

Exams are done finally, so that means I can take a break of sorts. I guess those who like me have to endure the pain of 2 weeks or so will also want to enjoy this short break of 1 month...it's not long, but it's better than anything else...

At least books are ok, although in due reflection I may have to say that the modules I have chosen are a bit more than I can chew, and I think that may be due to my underestimation of the workload that comes with them, but it's done anyway.

So all that means now is that I can concentrate for my trip to Boston in 2 months...things have hit a snag with the fundraising efforts, but all I know is that I have to dig in, whatever the cost...

Looking forward to reunite with my OG and raggers soon enough, and back to the regular badminton sessions...yay! Speaking of badminton, I do have a few 'scores' to settle...heez....

Life goes on....exams....

2005-11-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

This is another one of those days, when I am just inspired to blog...

A few things happened the last time since I came here...here are just a few things:

- house aircon broke down
- settled my 3 remaining essays
- settled financial accounts, at long last
- one dengue case at my block
- seeing and studying more of my notes

As currently, I am still working, and not properly revising yet...all thanks to A/P Farrell and the group presentation next monday...anyway, 8 days till first paper, that being ICA...what can i say now that the semester's coming to a close soon?

First, my CAP may go down, and if that happens, I hope it does not slide very badly, after all, I still want to keep in touch with what I still want to achieve primarily...

Secondly, transition from one leadership post to another is not easy, and it takes time...it's bad that I have to learn it the hard way, but then that means that I can fully concentrate in what I want to achieve for a long while now...

Thirdly, I still have interests in Arts club as far as I am concerned...yup, Rag 2006 will always have my attention in a way or another, because then again Rag is in my blood, although I admit that I will not be participating in a major way...more like I can provide assistance to the new com and secure a permanent foat building site, rehearsal rooms, accomodation for raggers, old and new alike, that of which I would do that with Hock, and other relevant people.

Lastly, time management. I have fallen foul of it.

Haiz...to the exams!

Have I hit rock bottom?

2005-10-28T19:06:00.000+08:00

It's been a long while...I haven't been doing well...

Put it simply, I have no idea what is wrong with me. The fact is that I am breaking all the wrong milestones.

Finishing an essay through the night, scoring a spectacular new low for my mid term tests, which is definitely not acceptable since the rest are all scoring As, and then getting a lousy grade for my research essay...

Suddenly I ask myself whether have I bitten off too much that I can chew?

I didn't ask that myself, it was Fiona who did. It just struck me that to good in one thing, I am sacrificing so much academically to make it there. I t was just what Thomas himself said when he told me that I am smashed between Arts Club and PS Soc itself.

I admit that I have not been fully detaching myself from Arts club official matters when I should, and this has resulted in my poor grades. As a result, I am increasingly becoming moody...and become quite despondent. So much that I have no idea whether I can maintain my current CAP. I really hope that I can maintain it at least, but it will take a superherculean effort to do that in my opinion.

I don't know what to say now, except just these things:

I know that I have compromised a lot of things, but I want to repair the damage. Priority now: Books. May the gods bless me in achieving what I wanted to achieve: maintenance of my CAP score, if not better.

For that is just good enough for me right now...

Guilty Conscience

2005-10-14T02:10:00.000+08:00

It seems funny that I still have the mood to blog when I have a mid term test that is 9 hours away...

But having not blogged for some time, I definitely must say something...

I am disturbed by what has happened to me these few days.

The issue is that it is not about happy things, but bad comments. Comments from all people, be it those who know me since a long while, those in Arts Club, and even those in PS Soc at the current moment. Right now, it seems that I have not performed up to what I am required to.

Then I had to dig to the bottom of the matter, and ask myself what the heck is wrong with me.

The answer to this, as Thomas would tell me, is ever so simple. I am willing to take on anything that comes, but sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. Some people can be forgiving in the mistakes I make, others merciless. But I myself realise that I am running on dangerous territory now. How dangerous? Very dangerous. In terms of my commitments, studies, personal life, whatever. Other people are leading happy lives, here I am, wearing a mask, hiding my troubles, slogging on, but at the same time, tripping more times than I would have liked.

At the end of the day, I realise that I am no saint. But I also realise than I must work to be a saint. For in the process, someone will be wiling to help anyone of us who is willing to change his bad points. Just like me. I believe that I msut undergo a complete change. TOTAL change, I mean . (In reference to one of the modules I am studying :P)

Discard my MCP character, be more willing to listen, be less authoritative, know my limits, be more organised, disciplined, etc...etc....etc...

I think that also explains why I am not able to break into the inner circle of friends in which whom I should be working with. Simply that I am viewed with suspicion. And that I have not fully demonstrated what I am supposed to, and what I can do.

I am going to change all that.

So much for recognition

2005-10-05T16:15:00.000+08:00

I was reading Ivan's blog the other day, and it struck me about the issue of being recognised for what you have done.

This is a sensitive issue in my opinion. I don't think I have seen that many comments to a certain blog for the moment.

When people say that awards are superficial, I actually don't quite think that this is the case. Cut the 'big-hearted' crap. Especially when you have obviously done a damn lot more things than a lot of other people, and the ones getting the 'recognition' are those who haven't done a lot throughout the whole year, it is understandable to say that something is definitely wrong with the system.

Sometimes, the thing is that recognition is not given to the people who should be really commended. If that happens, or if you can see it happen, the very common sensible thing is just to ignore this whole thing and seek a better place which you will definitely be appreciated, or catch up on things that you have defnitely sacrificed for the thing that you have thought is worth it, but now it isn't anymore. Some of the comments on that blog tell the truth...I like the candidness. Sometimes, cronies do reign, and we cannot do anything about it. But life moves on, and there are better things to do than to sulk over this. I myself think that I deserve more, but what I have learnt is that popularity, not just hard work matters more.

Ivan, if you happen to stumble upon or read this, the above paragraph is for you.

Right now I am quite stressed. Just finished my history essay but still have 3 more to go, and the worse thing is, I have to quarrel with Jianwu over the President of the 26th. Jianwu, if you are reading this, you know what I have told you the other day. I admit that it is not nice, but I am still telling you this because I care and know you 100 times better than anyone else in NUS does. Not even she can compete with me on that. Anyway, do think about it. After all, I have already moved on, and I think that it is time you do the same. I have seen friends like you who have gone worse. Taken up smoking, wallowing in self pity, declaring no relationships and the what not, and yet they are still feeling miserable after this very long while. I don't want a friend like you to waste time thinking about things you should not spend time on. It's over, keep the good memories, cast away the bad, and just start walking in another positive direction.

Jianwu, this above paragraph is for you...

The last thing that I want to say is that I myself personally find it difficult to break through the invisible barrier of friendship between friends that I thought I know quite well. Today it strikes me that I am sort of kept out of the things that clearly define that although they recognise me as a friend, but I do not belong in their league. Friends itself is a big hierachy, ranging to personal friends who know you inside out and willing to share anything, to acquaintances, to the 'hi' and 'bye' friends. The issue is that to this new group of people, I am a little worried because as I am going to work with them, I am unable to bring matters and relations up a level. I suppose it's because of the fact that I have not been working with them last year. Until now, I am still being seen as a man from my previous organisation, that's why I am not being given the trust yet. Right now, I am just going to stick to my portfolio

Also, I have decided that MCP cannot go along with SNAG. I have personally analysed that that is the reason why I am not romantically involved. At least that's what some people tell me, that MCP is putting off a lot of people. So much for the new generation of people. But I suppose that must be done if I can stand any chance of getting romantically involved. I can only to find a suitable partner soon, for this is what I lack in my life right now. It sucks, but I am doing everything I can to resume my original character as a Mr Nice Guy, and nothing more at that. It just hit me that it is about time I settle down, or otherwise, I will be in big trouble when the time really comes to start a new generation. Friends have been asking me about a new girlfriend, but I have been ambivalent simply because of the fact that I do not have the confidence to woo girls, so as to speak. I will need advice on this soon.

Can someone tell me what should I do to make myself:
- more personable?
- more trusted?
- more recognised for what I am good at and not what I am good for as a commodity?

P.S. Boston confirmed!