Disillusioned

Today's Vesak Day...and this is I think one of the most poignant days of my life.

Simply because I have been disillusioned...things have not been the same.

I just have been feeling that I am losing my own sense of direction, and even my own self-belief...

Just rejected going to Chuin's wedding...even though that was blocked by my mum, I reflected later that I might feel more miserable going down anyway.

Things have also not been the same for rag...

Just yesterday, when I was around, I was quite left out.

12 guys doing it...which was good, but I was the only senior around. I felt a bit lonely, because frankly speaking I have not been around at club room for some time. Just feeling left out because I have not been around to mingle with the rest of the com.

It will take some time.

May the Gods provide me with answers in the next few days...I admit I am seeking salvation...

But from where?