After what can be said to be a very rocky (and in my preception not smooth) year in 2007, I was forced to reflect, despair and come up with new realisations and new ideas which hopefully can bring me into 2008.
Not a lot of resolutions this time, but just 3 of them:
1) Good results, and a good job
2) Preservation of friendships and new ones...
3) And the continual pursuit of who I seek to be the one....
Ok, that's abt it...reflections on 2007 in my next post =)
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The worst day of my life
Today's the worst day of my life...
Some people tell me that results don't matter - but is it true really? In Singapore that is definitely not the case - good results matter.
All hopes for me getting a good career start have died with my results that I gotten today. It's just that everything I have tried, all the expectations I set of myself which I thought I can achieve - are all in that moment...gone...
When I reflect on what one minister said about the justification of the raising of ministers' pay to attract top 'potential' ministers from our generation - I was thinking - so what happens to people such as me who can't meet these criteria? Are we destined to become cannon fodder of other top 'peoples'?
When I know that others are rejoicing over their results today, I can do nothing but to sit at one corner, think and tell myself that this is yet another wrong choice I have made.
Perhaps I should not have done Honours. I may not be cut out for it after all.
So what's the solution for me now? Good question - I have not found any.
Everything which I worked on and possible progress I have seen have become false dawns. It's become dark just when everything else seems to be bright.
The end of the tunnel? Not yet. I fear that I am stuck in this abyss which I cannot find a way out.
So what's the solution?
Determination? Courage - I don't think I have any of that left.
Suicide? - Good suggestion but a stupid idea.
Conclusion: I am lost - lost because I can't find a way out of myself.
Scary isn't it? I know some of you guys who are reading this may find this childish - but I can tell you this - do not criticise me or whatever if you have never have felt this kind of feeling before.
I have taken in a lot of flak, absorbed a lot of difficulties and tackled as best as I could - but this is one too much for me.
To my friends...if you have any suggestions which you can help, I thank you. Otherwise - please do not rub it in.
The very least you can do is to leave me alone.
...
...
...
This indeed will be the worst countdown and transition to the new year that I have ever known.
Some people tell me that results don't matter - but is it true really? In Singapore that is definitely not the case - good results matter.
All hopes for me getting a good career start have died with my results that I gotten today. It's just that everything I have tried, all the expectations I set of myself which I thought I can achieve - are all in that moment...gone...
When I reflect on what one minister said about the justification of the raising of ministers' pay to attract top 'potential' ministers from our generation - I was thinking - so what happens to people such as me who can't meet these criteria? Are we destined to become cannon fodder of other top 'peoples'?
When I know that others are rejoicing over their results today, I can do nothing but to sit at one corner, think and tell myself that this is yet another wrong choice I have made.
Perhaps I should not have done Honours. I may not be cut out for it after all.
So what's the solution for me now? Good question - I have not found any.
Everything which I worked on and possible progress I have seen have become false dawns. It's become dark just when everything else seems to be bright.
The end of the tunnel? Not yet. I fear that I am stuck in this abyss which I cannot find a way out.
So what's the solution?
Determination? Courage - I don't think I have any of that left.
Suicide? - Good suggestion but a stupid idea.
Conclusion: I am lost - lost because I can't find a way out of myself.
Scary isn't it? I know some of you guys who are reading this may find this childish - but I can tell you this - do not criticise me or whatever if you have never have felt this kind of feeling before.
I have taken in a lot of flak, absorbed a lot of difficulties and tackled as best as I could - but this is one too much for me.
To my friends...if you have any suggestions which you can help, I thank you. Otherwise - please do not rub it in.
The very least you can do is to leave me alone.
...
...
...
This indeed will be the worst countdown and transition to the new year that I have ever known.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Greetings...and it's been a long while coming
It's been a long while since I posted something here...and I duly should.
First of all, apologies as the whole semester is ruining me already - physically and mentally. I just can't understand what's the point of creativity, clarity and freedom of expression when ultimately it's going to get marked down by lecturers because they already have their own opinions about things?
I am just very pissed at one such research assignment...sighz...
By the way, welcome to you if this is the first time you come into here due to the increased publicity I have given to this reclusive side of myself - I do treasure my privacy haha...
Ok, in the midst of exams, I only want to say that I am not having a good time out here - after suffering from 'paper nukes' and 'lightning strikes' and 'mines' and etc... So I just want to get this done over with - and then look to get my job next sem. I guess that's the best way out as it seems to be that I am not really cut out for any more studying anymore. It's been one hell of a semester and it's wiping me out.
For those of you who are still having papers, like me, good luck to you all...As for the rest, enjoy the duly deserved 1 month break...
I will see what lies in store for me - but after this paper my driving test - yup you heard it - is due exactly due 8 days from now to Next Wednesday - will update more on that soon =)
Otherwise, all the best guys, and I hope to catch up with you guys soon...
Now back to my last paper...and continued mugging.
First of all, apologies as the whole semester is ruining me already - physically and mentally. I just can't understand what's the point of creativity, clarity and freedom of expression when ultimately it's going to get marked down by lecturers because they already have their own opinions about things?
I am just very pissed at one such research assignment...sighz...
By the way, welcome to you if this is the first time you come into here due to the increased publicity I have given to this reclusive side of myself - I do treasure my privacy haha...
Ok, in the midst of exams, I only want to say that I am not having a good time out here - after suffering from 'paper nukes' and 'lightning strikes' and 'mines' and etc... So I just want to get this done over with - and then look to get my job next sem. I guess that's the best way out as it seems to be that I am not really cut out for any more studying anymore. It's been one hell of a semester and it's wiping me out.
For those of you who are still having papers, like me, good luck to you all...As for the rest, enjoy the duly deserved 1 month break...
I will see what lies in store for me - but after this paper my driving test - yup you heard it - is due exactly due 8 days from now to Next Wednesday - will update more on that soon =)
Otherwise, all the best guys, and I hope to catch up with you guys soon...
Now back to my last paper...and continued mugging.
Monday, September 10, 2007
A pivotal moment of reflection
To think about a few things...since the last time I posted here...
Actually, this is the second time I have written this while doing stuff in school while the school desktop is running....a good use of time perhaps :)
Ok, now back to what I am thinking about...and it's a lot of things...
Probably I should start by talking about the run up and the start to my final year on campus - Honours Year 2007/2008. It is not one that I am looking forward to, frankly speaking - probably because I know of the expectations, workload, and time management that I am expected to have in order to maintain good participation - not that I am very good at it - but to tell the truth, I am starting to appreciate the time I have by just reading my notes as and when I need to although I am still doing catch up work more than anything else.
Right now though I just got 'whacked' by AC - I was asked to come up with a probable reference point of analysis - so now I am now thinking of a decent, not, good, way to look at Liddell Hart and Fuller and comparing against Clausewitz - so much for the study of war when I am inherently a Machiavellian. And to make things worse, presentations and assignments are now piling up - so good luck to me then.
But as things pile up, I have a lot of things to look up to...so it's game on then...
Ok, now then to other non books stuff which will occupy the remaining bulk of my entry.
First things first, the issue of Arts Club. Although Rag ended exactly one month ago, I can only say that as I see and helped the float to its performance one more time, I asked myself again what made me help for one last time - for rag. Then I realised when I did this one cheer with only 3 other raggers on that day, namely Hock, Jianwu and Gerri, then I found out the real answer:
Friendships, mentorships, spiritual healing, and a lot more...
In a way, rag revitalised myself and set me in the right tone for studying perhaps - that's because I needed some inspiration - and the inspiration that rag has brought - from nothing to something brilliant - keeps me going.
Also pivotal was the very fact that this is the fourth float I have seen - and 3 batches of Juniors....probably I need to recall the juniors that I have met and have since led rag in succeeding years...
2004/2005 - myself, Jianwu, Fiona, Song Kwang, Gerri, Hock, Wan Tsin... and Aaron, Shawn, Jasmine, Candy, June (as seniors)
2005/2006 - Lionel, Reuben, Jennifer, Denise, Stacey, Wenhui, Yuen Mei, Aya... and Paul (actually a senior as well)
2006/2007 - Nicholas, Xinyu, Jeremy, Bryan, Applie, Sham, Kenneth, Serene...
2008/2009 - (Hopefully....) Hanjing, Kevin, Ellen, Sarah, Bernice, Alvin Tan, Sabrina....
I can see that some have the potential to bring it far especially the current batch of juniors - and Rag will be in good hands with all of you around...thanks for the memories...
Always raggerfied. :)
.......
Now then, back to the issue of SMUN and the issue of SMUN 2008 - the search for my successor and the succeeding secretariat - a few of us took a lot of time to come up with the printing of the SMUN Charter, and guess what? Lo and behold, we have a new com!
But before I carry on, I need to say something about the selection of the secretariat itself.
I guess some of you who are in SMUN 2007 will know my blog, and I will just want to make things clear - the selection of the secretariat is done in the best way possible of a panel selection of independent and experience people in the MUN concept that embrace and love MUN the way I do. And yes, some of you have lost out big time, and hence I understand the angst and pain and sometimes what some of you feel as emotional betrayal or blackmail, I only can say that decisions made are always painful and I do not want to make them along with the rest of the panel because of the consequences of them. One way or another, someone is going to lose out and we emphathise your condition. However, I dearly hope that you will still remain and help SMUN 2008 in every other way that you can - by doing that you are as great as everyone else who is in SMUN 2008 organising committee itself.
Also as a note to the secretariat of SMUN 2008 - congratulations on your appointment - as the advisory board that consists of the '5 elders' and I am one of them (haha) took pains to create it, I hope you all will try to take them into good faith =)
But what this means for me personally is that the SMUN odyssey for me has ended - at least as a Secretary-General. And I want to say again how thankful I am for everyone's support through this very tiring but also extremely challenging one year that I had spent - truly now I can say that I have what it takes to step up to the next level when I need to.
That's all for the moment...I will carry on posting soon enough about other things...but now, back to rushing readings for my lecture later at 2...sigh
Actually, this is the second time I have written this while doing stuff in school while the school desktop is running....a good use of time perhaps :)
Ok, now back to what I am thinking about...and it's a lot of things...
Probably I should start by talking about the run up and the start to my final year on campus - Honours Year 2007/2008. It is not one that I am looking forward to, frankly speaking - probably because I know of the expectations, workload, and time management that I am expected to have in order to maintain good participation - not that I am very good at it - but to tell the truth, I am starting to appreciate the time I have by just reading my notes as and when I need to although I am still doing catch up work more than anything else.
Right now though I just got 'whacked' by AC - I was asked to come up with a probable reference point of analysis - so now I am now thinking of a decent, not, good, way to look at Liddell Hart and Fuller and comparing against Clausewitz - so much for the study of war when I am inherently a Machiavellian. And to make things worse, presentations and assignments are now piling up - so good luck to me then.
But as things pile up, I have a lot of things to look up to...so it's game on then...
Ok, now then to other non books stuff which will occupy the remaining bulk of my entry.
First things first, the issue of Arts Club. Although Rag ended exactly one month ago, I can only say that as I see and helped the float to its performance one more time, I asked myself again what made me help for one last time - for rag. Then I realised when I did this one cheer with only 3 other raggers on that day, namely Hock, Jianwu and Gerri, then I found out the real answer:
Friendships, mentorships, spiritual healing, and a lot more...
In a way, rag revitalised myself and set me in the right tone for studying perhaps - that's because I needed some inspiration - and the inspiration that rag has brought - from nothing to something brilliant - keeps me going.
Also pivotal was the very fact that this is the fourth float I have seen - and 3 batches of Juniors....probably I need to recall the juniors that I have met and have since led rag in succeeding years...
2004/2005 - myself, Jianwu, Fiona, Song Kwang, Gerri, Hock, Wan Tsin... and Aaron, Shawn, Jasmine, Candy, June (as seniors)
2005/2006 - Lionel, Reuben, Jennifer, Denise, Stacey, Wenhui, Yuen Mei, Aya... and Paul (actually a senior as well)
2006/2007 - Nicholas, Xinyu, Jeremy, Bryan, Applie, Sham, Kenneth, Serene...
2008/2009 - (Hopefully....) Hanjing, Kevin, Ellen, Sarah, Bernice, Alvin Tan, Sabrina....
I can see that some have the potential to bring it far especially the current batch of juniors - and Rag will be in good hands with all of you around...thanks for the memories...
Always raggerfied. :)
.......
Now then, back to the issue of SMUN and the issue of SMUN 2008 - the search for my successor and the succeeding secretariat - a few of us took a lot of time to come up with the printing of the SMUN Charter, and guess what? Lo and behold, we have a new com!
But before I carry on, I need to say something about the selection of the secretariat itself.
I guess some of you who are in SMUN 2007 will know my blog, and I will just want to make things clear - the selection of the secretariat is done in the best way possible of a panel selection of independent and experience people in the MUN concept that embrace and love MUN the way I do. And yes, some of you have lost out big time, and hence I understand the angst and pain and sometimes what some of you feel as emotional betrayal or blackmail, I only can say that decisions made are always painful and I do not want to make them along with the rest of the panel because of the consequences of them. One way or another, someone is going to lose out and we emphathise your condition. However, I dearly hope that you will still remain and help SMUN 2008 in every other way that you can - by doing that you are as great as everyone else who is in SMUN 2008 organising committee itself.
Also as a note to the secretariat of SMUN 2008 - congratulations on your appointment - as the advisory board that consists of the '5 elders' and I am one of them (haha) took pains to create it, I hope you all will try to take them into good faith =)
But what this means for me personally is that the SMUN odyssey for me has ended - at least as a Secretary-General. And I want to say again how thankful I am for everyone's support through this very tiring but also extremely challenging one year that I had spent - truly now I can say that I have what it takes to step up to the next level when I need to.
That's all for the moment...I will carry on posting soon enough about other things...but now, back to rushing readings for my lecture later at 2...sigh
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Arts Camp 2007 - end of things?
Been quite some time since I last blogged here - Just came back home after a very hectic Arts Camp 2007.
A 4 day 3 night event which ended this afternoon.
Anyway, that's not the point.
The issue of today's post came as I finally reached home after cabbing with one of my freshies and a councillor after camp ended around 3pm. As the 3 of us talked on the way back, I was asked about how I felt now that my last Arts Camp was over.
I almost broke down when I was asked that question.
3 years of Arts Camp - 2004, 2005, 2007. 3 different experiences - freshman, organising com member, councillor. Every camp I am involved in brings different recollections and feelings. 2007 is no exception.
I started thinking about various aspects of Arts Camp through the last 3 years I attended, and the various elements that make it up - PDs, com members, councillors, OGLs, freshies....
From Rudy to Hock to Jeremy,
From Reynard and Debbie to Chonghan, Charmaine to Shuning, Michelle,
From Gladius to Remus to Askari,
From Aaron to Tim and Yaozhong to Xinyu,
From Junhao to Paul to John,
From PGP to EH,
From Jasper to Haoran to Kenneth
And a lot more....
Arts Camp is a special element in the case that it is no ordinary camp.
As I look at various photos and acknowledgement writings...memories flooded back to my brain...I saw myself in all 3 camps all the same time. There were good and bad experiences for all 3 camps, but there is one commanilty all 3 will have:
A 4 day 3 night event which ended this afternoon.
Anyway, that's not the point.
The issue of today's post came as I finally reached home after cabbing with one of my freshies and a councillor after camp ended around 3pm. As the 3 of us talked on the way back, I was asked about how I felt now that my last Arts Camp was over.
I almost broke down when I was asked that question.
3 years of Arts Camp - 2004, 2005, 2007. 3 different experiences - freshman, organising com member, councillor. Every camp I am involved in brings different recollections and feelings. 2007 is no exception.
I started thinking about various aspects of Arts Camp through the last 3 years I attended, and the various elements that make it up - PDs, com members, councillors, OGLs, freshies....
From Rudy to Hock to Jeremy,
From Reynard and Debbie to Chonghan, Charmaine to Shuning, Michelle,
From Gladius to Remus to Askari,
From Aaron to Tim and Yaozhong to Xinyu,
From Junhao to Paul to John,
From PGP to EH,
From Jasper to Haoran to Kenneth
And a lot more....
Arts Camp is a special element in the case that it is no ordinary camp.
As I look at various photos and acknowledgement writings...memories flooded back to my brain...I saw myself in all 3 camps all the same time. There were good and bad experiences for all 3 camps, but there is one commanilty all 3 will have:
People. Friendships
Without my OG, I would not have survived any of the 3 camps. I salue to all my previous OGs for making it a better and more exciting arts camp for all 3 years. Without these 2 words, as Joshua mentioned in today's video, it would be impossible to enjoy arts camp.
..That's from me for now :)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
SMUN 2007 - What happened, and reflections
I like to just comment a few things on the event that defined my whole year in standing:
Singapore Model United Nations 2007.
As I know there will be quite a few people who have been wanting to see it fail, I can proudly say this - SMUN 2007 succeeded, not failed!
There were a few problems that occured - administrative wise, academic coms wise. But I will like to state once again that all these problems were managed to be resolved because of the will of 36 com members like myself who wanted to help each other solve these problems.
Still, I will like to apologise for the fact that I lost control of myself during the debrief of the 2nd day, which I said some things which i should not have said. That I apologise, because I did not control 10 months of stress well enough.
But the faces of all the students at the end of it, when I spoke to them at the closing ceremony, shows that what I have done, together with the rest of the students, was totally worth it - no less.
For that, I know that I have given a good account of myself for the whole year.
For the doomsayers who decreed it to fail - all of you know who you are - be gone because I do not want to be associated with losers like you.
For those who slogged it out, and tolerated my tantrums once in a while, I sincerely thank you from deep down my heart for everything that all of you have done. As I mentioned, SMUN 2007's greatest success was that it was achieved as a team effort - not like last year where some com members decided to fight for their own interests - but this one was truly a united effort.
At the end of the day, whatever the mistakes and problems, the achievements of SMUN 2007 cannot be ignored.
SMUN 2007 has set a benchmark which other coms will find it difficult to reach, not even to excel.
Because this was achieved with the hearts of each and every one of us.
For that, SMUN 2007 - Singapore Model United Nations 2007 Conference, will always remain with me for the rest of my life.
Singapore Model United Nations 2007.
As I know there will be quite a few people who have been wanting to see it fail, I can proudly say this - SMUN 2007 succeeded, not failed!
There were a few problems that occured - administrative wise, academic coms wise. But I will like to state once again that all these problems were managed to be resolved because of the will of 36 com members like myself who wanted to help each other solve these problems.
Still, I will like to apologise for the fact that I lost control of myself during the debrief of the 2nd day, which I said some things which i should not have said. That I apologise, because I did not control 10 months of stress well enough.
But the faces of all the students at the end of it, when I spoke to them at the closing ceremony, shows that what I have done, together with the rest of the students, was totally worth it - no less.
For that, I know that I have given a good account of myself for the whole year.
For the doomsayers who decreed it to fail - all of you know who you are - be gone because I do not want to be associated with losers like you.
For those who slogged it out, and tolerated my tantrums once in a while, I sincerely thank you from deep down my heart for everything that all of you have done. As I mentioned, SMUN 2007's greatest success was that it was achieved as a team effort - not like last year where some com members decided to fight for their own interests - but this one was truly a united effort.
At the end of the day, whatever the mistakes and problems, the achievements of SMUN 2007 cannot be ignored.
SMUN 2007 has set a benchmark which other coms will find it difficult to reach, not even to excel.
Because this was achieved with the hearts of each and every one of us.
For that, SMUN 2007 - Singapore Model United Nations 2007 Conference, will always remain with me for the rest of my life.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
A quick but important one...the ONE special day :D
Considering that I have not posted here for a long time...sincere apologies if you were wondering what happened...
I can only say that it was a super eventful two months until the exams, but I will try to fill in here by next Monday evening - that is when the exams end.
For me, the exams already started thanks to my exchange university who started real early - compromised my assignments and all - but I realised that it's about what I take away from this experience that matters most.
The reason to why I suddenly post this one is because...today's my special day again - oh well...I am older by one more year, and reaching what some will term as a 'quater life crisis' - I will not try to think about that...
To round off because I have my first paper here tomorrow, here's my top few birthday wishes for this year:
- To have good results at least not to jeopardise my future career
- To realise my dream of achieving my own conference - it's been my one major goal besides books
- To consolidate the tremendous new friendships I have built up all this while
- Of course, since I split up with the 'one special gal' in my life, I hope that I can get interest from the next coming lady whom I must admit I have very strong interest in - one reason being that she has a lot of character than the 'special gal' whom I thought she would have
- And lastly, peace and good health to my family, relatives and all my friends who matter to me.
All hail a propserous year ahead for me
:)
And all the best to those of you taking the exams as well...
I can only say that it was a super eventful two months until the exams, but I will try to fill in here by next Monday evening - that is when the exams end.
For me, the exams already started thanks to my exchange university who started real early - compromised my assignments and all - but I realised that it's about what I take away from this experience that matters most.
The reason to why I suddenly post this one is because...today's my special day again - oh well...I am older by one more year, and reaching what some will term as a 'quater life crisis' - I will not try to think about that...
To round off because I have my first paper here tomorrow, here's my top few birthday wishes for this year:
- To have good results at least not to jeopardise my future career
- To realise my dream of achieving my own conference - it's been my one major goal besides books
- To consolidate the tremendous new friendships I have built up all this while
- Of course, since I split up with the 'one special gal' in my life, I hope that I can get interest from the next coming lady whom I must admit I have very strong interest in - one reason being that she has a lot of character than the 'special gal' whom I thought she would have
- And lastly, peace and good health to my family, relatives and all my friends who matter to me.
All hail a propserous year ahead for me
:)
And all the best to those of you taking the exams as well...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentine's Day and Remembrance: Remebering Jolene
Just come to write a short post on something that touches my heart...
Valentine's Day - 14/2 every year is supposed to be a happy day - where couples get hitched and express their love for one another for all eternity (or so much of the crap - because I am not attached yet)
But today, this post is not to commemorate the spirit of V-Day, rather, it is used here to commemorate the spirit of one fellow contemporary and PS Major, like me, but died very unfortunately at the tender age of 21.
Jolene Tan Jie Yi (1985-2007)
A person with immense fighting spirit, a young girl with a lot of willpower to presevere on her life even as she knew that her days and life were permanently twisted out of her hands as she cannot live her life and enjoy it like most of of us...
As I heard from my friends, she had an operation 3 years ago because her condition took a turn for the worse - and that was the last major operation before she passed away. She would have known about her own condition - and she might also have known that she might not have much longer to live back then.
But Jolene did not despair. She presevered on. Every time of the day she spent time as well as she could, even as it meant that she slowly walked to lectures and classes with her friends following her every step, every move...she kept up to pace with the lessons she did. I can remember seeing her with her bright radiant smile as I took a module with her last semester. I cannot come to terms with the fact that behind her laughter and bright smile, that this very pretty and feisty gal had deep troubles that vert few will even muster the courage to meet it head on. Not me definitely.
I cannot say much since I am not one of her close friends. But what I can tell you is that after learning of what she has done through my friends who know her well makes me give her a lot of respect, my personal admiration. Because she never gave up. Because she never stopped in achieving what she wanted to do - to continue in the pursuit of learning, the fulfilment of her dreams.
One of my friends told me that we should not weep for her, but rather celebrate for her. Celebrate the life of hers because she has lived it to the max. Because she has lived it to the fullest. For that we will not weep, but we will say - Thank you, Jolene.
Thank you for showing us what it means to enjoy life to the fullest, and striving to achieve our dreams in all adversity.
Jolene, deep down in my heart, I salute you, and may the Gods bless you wherever you may be.
I hope that all of you, when you read this post, will pause to think and reflect about yourself. I am not perfect, and I realise how small I am compared to her. I will definitely revise my actions and be more accomodating in the pursuit of my dreams to achieve the very best in spite of all adversity.
I hope all of you embrace Jolene's spirit as well and use her as a role model in achieving our dreams in the right spirit and mentality - living life to the fullest.
Valentine's Day - 14/2 every year is supposed to be a happy day - where couples get hitched and express their love for one another for all eternity (or so much of the crap - because I am not attached yet)
But today, this post is not to commemorate the spirit of V-Day, rather, it is used here to commemorate the spirit of one fellow contemporary and PS Major, like me, but died very unfortunately at the tender age of 21.
Jolene Tan Jie Yi (1985-2007)
A person with immense fighting spirit, a young girl with a lot of willpower to presevere on her life even as she knew that her days and life were permanently twisted out of her hands as she cannot live her life and enjoy it like most of of us...
As I heard from my friends, she had an operation 3 years ago because her condition took a turn for the worse - and that was the last major operation before she passed away. She would have known about her own condition - and she might also have known that she might not have much longer to live back then.
But Jolene did not despair. She presevered on. Every time of the day she spent time as well as she could, even as it meant that she slowly walked to lectures and classes with her friends following her every step, every move...she kept up to pace with the lessons she did. I can remember seeing her with her bright radiant smile as I took a module with her last semester. I cannot come to terms with the fact that behind her laughter and bright smile, that this very pretty and feisty gal had deep troubles that vert few will even muster the courage to meet it head on. Not me definitely.
I cannot say much since I am not one of her close friends. But what I can tell you is that after learning of what she has done through my friends who know her well makes me give her a lot of respect, my personal admiration. Because she never gave up. Because she never stopped in achieving what she wanted to do - to continue in the pursuit of learning, the fulfilment of her dreams.
One of my friends told me that we should not weep for her, but rather celebrate for her. Celebrate the life of hers because she has lived it to the max. Because she has lived it to the fullest. For that we will not weep, but we will say - Thank you, Jolene.
Thank you for showing us what it means to enjoy life to the fullest, and striving to achieve our dreams in all adversity.
Jolene, deep down in my heart, I salute you, and may the Gods bless you wherever you may be.
I hope that all of you, when you read this post, will pause to think and reflect about yourself. I am not perfect, and I realise how small I am compared to her. I will definitely revise my actions and be more accomodating in the pursuit of my dreams to achieve the very best in spite of all adversity.
I hope all of you embrace Jolene's spirit as well and use her as a role model in achieving our dreams in the right spirit and mentality - living life to the fullest.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Happy and Sad moments
As I learn today that as a famous Taiwanese actress was being cremated after dying young because of an accident...it struck me hard on one important moral of the story:
Life's short, treasure it and that means do the things that you need to do and make you happy. Because when death does come to you, you should not regret anything - really.
I apologise for that it is a very pessimistic comment, but this always rings true. Why is that friends always say a lot of times that their loved ones always regret on their deathbeds? I do not want that to happen to me when it is my time - goodness, so pessimistic already before I even reach my 1/4 of life...sighz
Good news first this time - Liverpool did beat Chelsea last time round -yeah! Finally, every dog has its day, and the hoodoo that Liverpool can never beat Chelsea when Mourinho is in charge is debunked...ole! That itself is a big cause of celebration. What this means is that hopefully they are much closer to grabbing their title which is long, long overdue.
However, there are more bad news to comment, but I will just save this space for this one. Important enough because this breaks my heart but I will not regret - that is what I know.
To my special one, I have told you 2 weekends ago that I cannot be with you any longer, and this post in which you will read by now, is confirmation of that very fact. As it hurts me to say this, however much you like me, I cannot bring myself to absorb the fact that you are not willing to consider any of the suggestions that I have given you to make your life better. All that I can only see is that you are making excuses, all of them - and you are still what you are in square one, distrusting every single guy who comes close to you. I have tolerated you very deeply because I like you for who you are, but I suppose this is the last straw because you have not changed one bit for the better. As for me, I learn now that I must find my happiness with someone else, and sad to say, I do not think that you are the one for me...Perhaps others will scold me for being selfish for leaving you just like that, but I do what I must do. We can at most be close friends, but never a couple. I bless you in finding a way out of your misery which sad to say, I don't think I can be your solution to your woes. I am not worthy to continue this relationship...so...I hope this makes you think over, because at the end of the day, you must help yourself - otherwise you cannot get others to love you if you cannot learn to love yourself...take care...
For the rest who read this, please do not ask me further about this...this is the end of the 2 of us, as it shall be, will be and...forever...be....
Life's short, treasure it and that means do the things that you need to do and make you happy. Because when death does come to you, you should not regret anything - really.
I apologise for that it is a very pessimistic comment, but this always rings true. Why is that friends always say a lot of times that their loved ones always regret on their deathbeds? I do not want that to happen to me when it is my time - goodness, so pessimistic already before I even reach my 1/4 of life...sighz
Good news first this time - Liverpool did beat Chelsea last time round -yeah! Finally, every dog has its day, and the hoodoo that Liverpool can never beat Chelsea when Mourinho is in charge is debunked...ole! That itself is a big cause of celebration. What this means is that hopefully they are much closer to grabbing their title which is long, long overdue.
However, there are more bad news to comment, but I will just save this space for this one. Important enough because this breaks my heart but I will not regret - that is what I know.
To my special one, I have told you 2 weekends ago that I cannot be with you any longer, and this post in which you will read by now, is confirmation of that very fact. As it hurts me to say this, however much you like me, I cannot bring myself to absorb the fact that you are not willing to consider any of the suggestions that I have given you to make your life better. All that I can only see is that you are making excuses, all of them - and you are still what you are in square one, distrusting every single guy who comes close to you. I have tolerated you very deeply because I like you for who you are, but I suppose this is the last straw because you have not changed one bit for the better. As for me, I learn now that I must find my happiness with someone else, and sad to say, I do not think that you are the one for me...Perhaps others will scold me for being selfish for leaving you just like that, but I do what I must do. We can at most be close friends, but never a couple. I bless you in finding a way out of your misery which sad to say, I don't think I can be your solution to your woes. I am not worthy to continue this relationship...so...I hope this makes you think over, because at the end of the day, you must help yourself - otherwise you cannot get others to love you if you cannot learn to love yourself...take care...
For the rest who read this, please do not ask me further about this...this is the end of the 2 of us, as it shall be, will be and...forever...be....
Saturday, January 20, 2007
More of the same, and some more worries?
Things have been moving for me (as they will always be) since the last time I posted here, and there are again new developments...in all forms..
Just had dinner with a group of people who are going to Harvard just like me...you can call it the next batch after mine which is officially the 'guinea pig' batch. Good thing that we sorted out a few of their problems, and they have a chance to talk about anything else other than work and books, although the situation was partly disrupted with my emphasis on training for them and we needing to get all in shape for the trip and conference. But otherwise, I thought it was a good attempt to get everyone moving. Just have to see how it goes then.
Books wise, it's getting a lot more stressful here. Having to sort out a topic for research, and then working on it so fast that I literally have no time to waste for myself really - but well, it's all about getting up to speed...so here goes then. Plus I have another 3 such assignments, and 2 projects, 2 fieldtrips and the like...so it will be a lot of runing around between home campus and the 'other side' again and again...must survive this though.
As for work wise, now the machine starts to roll...let's hope I get a favouravble response good enough to keep this going - the moral of my post: yup, it is to keep it going. So much for the bicycle theory but then again it applies - when you stop after moving so long, the inertia to move becomes so huge because more likely you do not wish to get moving again because you do not know how long this goes. I know that applies for me, so I will keep pushing - but prevent myself from collapsing at the same time.
To my special one...do not worry about me even as you look though it, because I am still doing ok. The fact that I am still typing means that I am able to keep things going between us...do relax once in a while because of your work too - you can do it! :D
One final thing - I cannot avoid this as a soccer fan, I hope for 2 things to happen:
Liverpool to finally defeat Chelsea today, and the Red Devils to thrash the hell out of Arsenal - Arsenal no more, now 'Arse' as I called them. Why? Well...you cannot ask any diehard Anfield fan like me to forget the debacle of 2007...so long live the Reds of North Britain!
More from me next post...
Just had dinner with a group of people who are going to Harvard just like me...you can call it the next batch after mine which is officially the 'guinea pig' batch. Good thing that we sorted out a few of their problems, and they have a chance to talk about anything else other than work and books, although the situation was partly disrupted with my emphasis on training for them and we needing to get all in shape for the trip and conference. But otherwise, I thought it was a good attempt to get everyone moving. Just have to see how it goes then.
Books wise, it's getting a lot more stressful here. Having to sort out a topic for research, and then working on it so fast that I literally have no time to waste for myself really - but well, it's all about getting up to speed...so here goes then. Plus I have another 3 such assignments, and 2 projects, 2 fieldtrips and the like...so it will be a lot of runing around between home campus and the 'other side' again and again...must survive this though.
As for work wise, now the machine starts to roll...let's hope I get a favouravble response good enough to keep this going - the moral of my post: yup, it is to keep it going. So much for the bicycle theory but then again it applies - when you stop after moving so long, the inertia to move becomes so huge because more likely you do not wish to get moving again because you do not know how long this goes. I know that applies for me, so I will keep pushing - but prevent myself from collapsing at the same time.
To my special one...do not worry about me even as you look though it, because I am still doing ok. The fact that I am still typing means that I am able to keep things going between us...do relax once in a while because of your work too - you can do it! :D
One final thing - I cannot avoid this as a soccer fan, I hope for 2 things to happen:
Liverpool to finally defeat Chelsea today, and the Red Devils to thrash the hell out of Arsenal - Arsenal no more, now 'Arse' as I called them. Why? Well...you cannot ask any diehard Anfield fan like me to forget the debacle of 2007...so long live the Reds of North Britain!
More from me next post...
Friday, January 05, 2007
New things
2007...a world of new things...
First of all, I started class early, and when I told the guys that I was not from SMU in my one lesson this week, what I got was weird and rude stares in my direction. Hmm...so much for the 'welcome' that I was anticipating. Anyway, further talking and conversations with some of the new found friends that I made in my class led me to conclude that life's not as good as what I think of it to be at SMU. Or really? That itself is a very subjective question, but one which I will not think of it as I try to achieve my one aim there: study, have fun, and pass my modules there with flying colours.
Ok, as school back in campus for me formally starts next week, I have another new thing to think about first - a challenging module that I have not done at this level, more so because I am not every much familiar in the school of PS that I have been exposed and familiar with. But then again, if I don't do it, I will only be much more paralysed when I start to really tackle it 7 more times next year. So it's not all that bad, as this training will put me in good stead. It will also be the first time for me to discover if I have what it really takes to develop my thinking at a higher and a more demanding level.
That's all for now..going to prepare stuff for my crunch - yeah, crunch meeting soon enough tomorrow. Just hope that things get better.
It's now or never for me.
First of all, I started class early, and when I told the guys that I was not from SMU in my one lesson this week, what I got was weird and rude stares in my direction. Hmm...so much for the 'welcome' that I was anticipating. Anyway, further talking and conversations with some of the new found friends that I made in my class led me to conclude that life's not as good as what I think of it to be at SMU. Or really? That itself is a very subjective question, but one which I will not think of it as I try to achieve my one aim there: study, have fun, and pass my modules there with flying colours.
Ok, as school back in campus for me formally starts next week, I have another new thing to think about first - a challenging module that I have not done at this level, more so because I am not every much familiar in the school of PS that I have been exposed and familiar with. But then again, if I don't do it, I will only be much more paralysed when I start to really tackle it 7 more times next year. So it's not all that bad, as this training will put me in good stead. It will also be the first time for me to discover if I have what it really takes to develop my thinking at a higher and a more demanding level.
That's all for now..going to prepare stuff for my crunch - yeah, crunch meeting soon enough tomorrow. Just hope that things get better.
It's now or never for me.
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