Exams are here once again...
I will do what I can...but I can only say that this is the hardest semester I have to go through yet...conference and books are not an easy thing to manage...but I am slowly learning the tricks...as I say before, there is a long way to go before I can be a 'normal' person once again...
Happy for my godsis now that she is attached...
For the one and only one...this one is for her...
Enjoy your break in Australia, and you dearly need the break...rest well, come back and be energised again okie? :D
As for the conference itself, it is starting to pick up pace, but then I have to control a lof of things which I did no envisage I have to handle, and have to do this as soon as the papers are over...man, I am sure going to have the busiest holidays ever.
That's all, and those of you who are having exams like me, good luck to us all!
Monday, November 27, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
A total failure
The above 3 words can be best used to describe what kind of a person I am.
Jianwu just gave me a very harsh but startling reminder to me to whom I am.
In the sens of the word, I have been too superficial and tend to defer to others, and not to decide things myself until when it comes to the crunch that it hurts whatever decisions I make.
I have also not been willing to budge from the fact that school results and grades are not everything I need to survive. I hate myself for thinking that way, but then I ask myself, is it really my fault? Or is it the fault of the government in constructing Singapore Society, where results matter, and not passion. After all, the leaders in governments are people who have better grades, scholars and at all. Where are the masses?
I have suffered in trying to become one of the elite, and when Jianwu gave me the lecture, I discovered I have no where to hide. Nowhere. I am miserable because I am standing in a position where I am at nowhere, neither good nor bad. Just ordinary.
I have to start realising that I am my own god, and I have my own mindset. In fact, that is why I am doing SMUN now. I want to have a mind of my own, and how I want to control things the way I want it. It is a constant struggle, but now I realise how lousy and what a failure I have been.
So effectively, my life has been a 0.
0.
0.
0.
How can I revive myself and kick away the many o's that form me?
That is also why I am not good in character when I think I am.
That is also why I am too calculative, too worrisome about how others perform when I should not be.
That is also why I put myself under great stress, hoping that stress can kick away the 0's that are part of me.
I have failed.
I have.
How now?
I do not know.
Jianwu just gave me a very harsh but startling reminder to me to whom I am.
In the sens of the word, I have been too superficial and tend to defer to others, and not to decide things myself until when it comes to the crunch that it hurts whatever decisions I make.
I have also not been willing to budge from the fact that school results and grades are not everything I need to survive. I hate myself for thinking that way, but then I ask myself, is it really my fault? Or is it the fault of the government in constructing Singapore Society, where results matter, and not passion. After all, the leaders in governments are people who have better grades, scholars and at all. Where are the masses?
I have suffered in trying to become one of the elite, and when Jianwu gave me the lecture, I discovered I have no where to hide. Nowhere. I am miserable because I am standing in a position where I am at nowhere, neither good nor bad. Just ordinary.
I have to start realising that I am my own god, and I have my own mindset. In fact, that is why I am doing SMUN now. I want to have a mind of my own, and how I want to control things the way I want it. It is a constant struggle, but now I realise how lousy and what a failure I have been.
So effectively, my life has been a 0.
0.
0.
0.
How can I revive myself and kick away the many o's that form me?
That is also why I am not good in character when I think I am.
That is also why I am too calculative, too worrisome about how others perform when I should not be.
That is also why I put myself under great stress, hoping that stress can kick away the 0's that are part of me.
I have failed.
I have.
How now?
I do not know.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A Tribute...
This is a tribute to one of the 3 greatest sportsmen that I have seen in my lifetime...it is a bit late due to the assignments that I had to catch up with, but now I finally have the chance to do it, and in school..hmm..
Michael Schumacher - Special, Mercurial, Gentlemanly, Brilliant
I cannot say enough for this one special driver who woke me up and stoked my interest in racing on four wheels. My first impression in Formula 1 came, believe it or not, when I saw Aryton Senna's car crash in the walls of a particular race in 1993 (correct me if i am wrong). Then on, commentators all the world said that the most demanding racing sport had lost its most colourful and charismatic driver, and will be hard to replace.
How wrong they were. Senna was a great, but as in all sports, there will be future greats. In F1 at that time, there was such a person waiting in the wings...
Schumacher had made some F1 analysts and scouts sit up with his outstanding performance for a rather mediocre Jordan, and had just made a transition to Benetton where he already seized 3 victories in what was relatively an average car at best. Then on, the world had to take notice. A yong star was born. True to behold, I was able to see him win his 2 championships with Benetton, and then see him make his shock move for Ferrari. Ferrari were in the doldrums, and had lost all hope when its reliable drives Jean Alesi and Gerhard Berger left.
Schumacher came in and was the difference.
He had his controversial clashes with Damon Hill, Jacques Villeneuve but then one must recognise that this is the essence of the winning spirit. Absolutely do everything possible to win. Schumi's frustration must be understood from a racing capacity. He is the only drive that I know will always pull something out of the hat even when the odds throw themselves square at him. He has done it not just once, twice, but so often when at the end of the day, when he manages to do it so well, there is a term coined for this - Schumi magic.
I managed to see him win his 5 other titles with Ferrari, and that's what binded me in the sport of F1. It is an understatement to say that Schumi made me just interested in F1. Then on, I learnt 3 things from him.
Excellence, Willpower, Professionalism with humility.
The fact that he encompassed what it meant to be German - efficient and highly determined with a streak to do the impossible, and that he regularly supports welfare and support for kids with his numerous football apperances for charity matches in UNICEF, and his donation to the Tsumani disaster on the spot, says a lot about his character.
Everything said and done, I am proud to say that I am a converted Tifosi because Schumi's influence on me was special - practising of the true value of life at its very best.
Hail Michael Schumacher, the greatest driver of my generation, and possibly for all time and eternity.
Michael Schumacher - Special, Mercurial, Gentlemanly, Brilliant
I cannot say enough for this one special driver who woke me up and stoked my interest in racing on four wheels. My first impression in Formula 1 came, believe it or not, when I saw Aryton Senna's car crash in the walls of a particular race in 1993 (correct me if i am wrong). Then on, commentators all the world said that the most demanding racing sport had lost its most colourful and charismatic driver, and will be hard to replace.
How wrong they were. Senna was a great, but as in all sports, there will be future greats. In F1 at that time, there was such a person waiting in the wings...
Schumacher had made some F1 analysts and scouts sit up with his outstanding performance for a rather mediocre Jordan, and had just made a transition to Benetton where he already seized 3 victories in what was relatively an average car at best. Then on, the world had to take notice. A yong star was born. True to behold, I was able to see him win his 2 championships with Benetton, and then see him make his shock move for Ferrari. Ferrari were in the doldrums, and had lost all hope when its reliable drives Jean Alesi and Gerhard Berger left.
Schumacher came in and was the difference.
He had his controversial clashes with Damon Hill, Jacques Villeneuve but then one must recognise that this is the essence of the winning spirit. Absolutely do everything possible to win. Schumi's frustration must be understood from a racing capacity. He is the only drive that I know will always pull something out of the hat even when the odds throw themselves square at him. He has done it not just once, twice, but so often when at the end of the day, when he manages to do it so well, there is a term coined for this - Schumi magic.
I managed to see him win his 5 other titles with Ferrari, and that's what binded me in the sport of F1. It is an understatement to say that Schumi made me just interested in F1. Then on, I learnt 3 things from him.
Excellence, Willpower, Professionalism with humility.
The fact that he encompassed what it meant to be German - efficient and highly determined with a streak to do the impossible, and that he regularly supports welfare and support for kids with his numerous football apperances for charity matches in UNICEF, and his donation to the Tsumani disaster on the spot, says a lot about his character.
Everything said and done, I am proud to say that I am a converted Tifosi because Schumi's influence on me was special - practising of the true value of life at its very best.
Hail Michael Schumacher, the greatest driver of my generation, and possibly for all time and eternity.
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