The worst day of my life

Today's the worst day of my life...

Some people tell me that results don't matter - but is it true really? In Singapore that is definitely not the case - good results matter.

All hopes for me getting a good career start have died with my results that I gotten today. It's just that everything I have tried, all the expectations I set of myself which I thought I can achieve - are all in that moment...gone...

When I reflect on what one minister said about the justification of the raising of ministers' pay to attract top 'potential' ministers from our generation - I was thinking - so what happens to people such as me who can't meet these criteria? Are we destined to become cannon fodder of other top 'peoples'?

When I know that others are rejoicing over their results today, I can do nothing but to sit at one corner, think and tell myself that this is yet another wrong choice I have made.

Perhaps I should not have done Honours. I may not be cut out for it after all.

So what's the solution for me now? Good question - I have not found any.

Everything which I worked on and possible progress I have seen have become false dawns. It's become dark just when everything else seems to be bright.

The end of the tunnel? Not yet. I fear that I am stuck in this abyss which I cannot find a way out.

So what's the solution?

Determination? Courage - I don't think I have any of that left.

Suicide? - Good suggestion but a stupid idea.

Conclusion: I am lost - lost because I can't find a way out of myself.

Scary isn't it? I know some of you guys who are reading this may find this childish - but I can tell you this - do not criticise me or whatever if you have never have felt this kind of feeling before.

I have taken in a lot of flak, absorbed a lot of difficulties and tackled as best as I could - but this is one too much for me.

To my friends...if you have any suggestions which you can help, I thank you. Otherwise - please do not rub it in.

The very least you can do is to leave me alone.

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This indeed will be the worst countdown and transition to the new year that I have ever known.