Typing my first impressions of work from my new office – seems kinda weird that I do have the time to type here since my new job is supposed to be push from the start…ok, anyway, the reason to that is why I am typing this now is probably to reflect some deep feelings of mine which I know I cannot share with anyone – to do that would mean probably the end of everything for me…
One of them, which I cannot mention, is the hiding of a very dark secret which I cannot let anyone in this world know save for the other who is affected by it…To do so would jeopardise the very career which I am doing in…The only reason to why I am doing so is to help this other friend of mine in various ways possible such that he/she would be able to live well. Now my other friend has promised that she would keep it as well…as long as I am able to pay the price to it…its something that both of us committed, and it’s a price that we both have to pay…enough said. And don’t push me to say anything about this…I will end it here by saying that this is my darkest secret…
Now back to the slightly happier thing of starting out my new job. Its been a week since I have been here – and I have been feeling quite left out after a while…I happened to be roped in as my predecessor would be leaving in 2 weeks…so today happens to be her final day in the office where in the midst of doing lou hei we also did a special thank you for her – she happens to be a friend of one of my seniors in Arts Club that I deeply respect…it was an emotional day for her…but at that moment when she gave her speech, I truly realised how left out I was there…perhaps I might be expecting too much of myself as a newbie…the transition cannot be seamless. Everyone wished her well, but at the back of my mind, I was thinking of the same would be done for me 2-3 years down the road when it’s my turn to go…? I have my own doubts at that sadly…even though the environment can be said to be very warm and welcoming, but I truly realise that while taking over the duties of my upperstudy is one thing, building on the relations that she has built up in the office with the other guys, including my section, is another matter altogether – I truly felt really left out today cos I know that I am very very far away from building up dynamics even in my own section, not to say the whole branch…but preserver is the key word. Hopefully with my own willpower and never-say-die spirit I would be there sooner rather than later…It’s easy to say one should stay optimistic and things – as my experience from my previous job serves to testify – but just that for now, the borders are much harder to break down and therefore much harder to establish new relationships as well…Even as I hear it, I can feel my fellow team members who will definitely miss her absence and see perhaps as her not-so-good replacement – I am trying not to think about it. My senior’s right about this – being in a job is one thing, but to survive and do well is another. Therefore it seems to me that to achieve the second objective is far tougher than I expected, especially one which human relations define careers almost totally.
Finally, just to sign off on this Chinese New Year post, I have now formalised my own theory – the final one of course…
The ‘Ant of the Masses’ so defines that a person whose achievements are ordinary can be content if he is able to consistently perform well at work and sometimes exceed expectations. If an ant can life things 50 x its weight, anyone can sure perform his tasks beyond expectations – indeed we should follow such a strategy then all of us can do well in it…I am damn sure..
Happy Chinese ‘Niu’ Year 2009! :D
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